The Gage Secret
by Piscean6724
Summary: Johnny is intrigued when his Aunt Kitty calls to say she needs to tell him something important. But when she is killed on her way to his house he fears the secret died with her. How will he cope? Will he ever find out what she wanted to share with him?
1. Chapter 1

The Gage Secret -1

Johnny felt a familiar hand on his shoulder as he stared at the casket.

"I'm so sorry, John. Let me know if you need anything, ok?"

"Yea, I will. Thanks for coming, Cap."

One by one the other guys from his crew offered their condolences as they each shook his hand or patted him on his back. Losing his Aunt Kitty was so unexpected. She had been the one remaining relative he had left; the woman who had stepped in to raise him when he was 13 years old.

His mind drifted back to his childhood. He had been only 9 years old when his parents had been killed in an automobile accident. His mother had been an only child and both of his maternal grandparents died before he was born. His only extended family was on his father's side.

His father was the middle child having both an older and a younger sister. Johnny's paternal grandfather had been killed during combat in Korea. His paternal grandmother had suffered a debilitating stroke three years earlier and was now being cared for around the clock in the home of her older daughter Katherine Gage.

Louise Gage Norton was the younger sister of Johnny's father. She had married Gabriel Norton when she was only 18 years old much to the chagrin of her family. Gabe had a violent streak that had reared its ugly head once while they were dating. The family feared for Louise but she said she loved him and was determined to marry him and so she did. During the five years of their marriage Gabe had bounced from job to job without ever finding steady employment. However, Johnny would have become a ward of the state if his Aunt Louise and Uncle Gabe had not taken him in after he was orphaned.

It was obvious from the start that Gabe had only accepted Johnny into their home in hopes that a large financial settlement would be awarded as a result of the accident. Once he realized that there would be no money he found many ways to make Johnny's life as miserable as possible. From slapping him across the face to beatings that left his body covered in bruises, he took out most of his anger on his young nephew. His Aunt Louise tried to intervene when she could but she usually ended up getting punched or shoved around too.

A couple of years after he arrived, Aunt Louise announced that she was pregnant. Johnny had hoped this would make his Uncle Gabe happy but that was not to be. Gabe was less than thrilled about the impending birth. While Aunt Louise smiled more as her belly swelled, Gabe seemed to get drunk more often. Johnny's worry grew as quickly as his aunt's mid-section. Gabe made it clear that he did not want the baby. Johnny knew how it felt to not be wanted and he didn't want a tiny innocent babe to endure what he was enduring.

In the early morning hours of his twelfth birthday he awoke to the sounds of murmuring coming from his aunt and uncle's room. Soon, his uncle left and returned an hour later with a woman Johnny knew to be the local mid-wife. He watched from the relative safety of his bedroom peeking through the keyhole as the mid-wife and Uncle Gabe kept leaving and returning to the bedroom. Horrible sounds came from the room; sounds that had the mid-wife not been present would have made young John think that his uncle was torturing his aunt. Finally, he heard a choked and muffled crying sound and watched in horror as the mid-wife rushed from the bedroom with something wrapped in a blanket in her arms. Later, he heard the mid-wife return with his Uncle Gabe. They entered the room for a few moments and then exited quietly. Johnny held his breath as he watched and listened to the conversation.

"She's sleeping now, Gabe. What are you going to tell her when she wakes up?"

"That the baby never started breathing right and died. What else am I supposed to tell her?" He asked harshly.

The midwife gave him a sad smile and then turned to leave. "Let me know if she needs anything." She said before she packed up her bag and left.

Johnny retreated back to his bed shaken and with tears caught in his throat. He knew that his Aunt Louise would be devastated and his heart broke for her as well as the tiny babe who had just died. He had wished for the baby not to grow up unwanted and abused like he was growing up now so had his thoughts somehow caused the baby to die? How would Aunt Louise cope with the loss of her firstborn; especially knowing that Gabe never wanted the baby anyway?

A smaller warm hand grasping his own brought him back from his memories. He glanced to his right and saw a look of concern on Joanne DeSoto's face.

"You gonna be alright, Johnny?"

"I am, Jo. I really appreciate all your help with the arrangements. It was such a nice service. Aunt Kitty would have been proud." He said turning his attention again to the flower covered casket.

Most of the mourners had left and the workmen from the funeral home were giving him whatever time he needed. They waited patiently, unseen as the mourners drifted back to their cars. They wouldn't begin the task of covering up the grave until they were all gone.

"She would be even more proud of you, Junior." Roy said joining his wife at Johnny's side. "You were the son she never had."

Roy knew a little about Johnny's past. He knew that Katherine Gage had saved his partner's life when she took him into her home. John rarely talked about his life during the four years between his parent's deaths and being taken in by his Aunt Kitty, as he affectionately called her. Whatever had happened to him during that time was locked up deep inside the recesses of his heart. If he didn't share those events with Roy, then he'd most likely never share them with anyone. Roy knew that meant they were just too painful to be resurrected.

Roy also knew that now his partner was truly alone in the world. He and his wife and kids were as close to being family as Johnny had and he was determined to make sure that he continued to be a part of the DeSoto family.

"Lots of food at our house, Johnny. Just come on over whenever you're done here, ok?" Roy asked.

"I will, Roy. Thanks again…for everything." Johnny turned away from his partner and ran his open palm down his handsome face removing the wet trails his tears left behind.

Roy placed one hand on the small of Joanne's back as they made their way to their car. Their kids had spent the last couple of nights with Joanne's sister but would be home later on today. He hoped that having the kids around might bring Johnny out of his funk. Something was really bothering his young partner. And it was more than just the untimely death of his Aunt Kitty.

A few hours later, his friends from Station 51 and Rampart were beginning to depart the DeSoto residence. They had shared a potluck meal provided by the wives and girlfriends of the guys at the station and Johnny felt a deep sense of gratitude that he'd been so accepted and loved by the brotherhood of firemen at Station 51. By the time most of them had left, the DeSoto kids arrived bringing a smile to Johnny's face. He loved those kids and fell naturally into the role of Uncle Johnny. Once again, he thought of his Uncle Gabe and the horrible man he was. Being an only child, he knew he would never be an uncle unless it was by marriage but he felt like Roy was his brother which made him an uncle to the younger DeSoto duo and he was determined to be the best uncle he could be.

"Whoa, kids. Let me change my clothes," Johnny said as each DeSoto child grabbed a hold of one of his hands and began tugging him towards the back door.

"Please hurry, Uncle Johnny. I want to play and it'll soon be dark out." Jenny pleaded staring up at him with big blue eyes.

He could never say no to a lady, not even a four year old one, when she was batting her eyes at him.

"I will. Just let me put on some jeans ok?" Johnny said kneeling down so he'd be eye to eye with his little princess.

Jenny gave him a big grin as Johnny began to stand while tickling Jenny underneath her chin. With a wink in her direction he headed outside to grab his duffle bag out of his Rover.

"Coffee, Hon?" Joanne handed Roy a cup of steaming coffee then turned back around peering at the seemingly happy scene outdoors.

Roy took a sip of the warm liquid then set the cup down on the counter. He eased up behind his wife and pressed his coffee-warmed lips against the gentle curve in her neck. He loved the way she leaned back into him when he did that. He wrapped his strong arms around her tiny waist and breathed in the scent of her freshly shampooed hair.

They watched from their kitchen window as Johnny played with their kids in their backyard. There was no trace of the sorrow that had gripped him so hard earlier.

"How does he snap out of it so quickly?" Joanne asked her husband.

"He doesn't, Jo." Roy said resting his chin on her shoulder. "He hides it from the outside world."

He caressed her arms with his thumbs. "He's the master at hiding his emotions and that worries me."

"I know, Roy. He needs to open up and release some of that don't you think?" She asked her husband.

"Yea, I do. But Jo, there's more going on than just grieving the loss of Laura Kitty. There's something else bothering him. I know him almost as well as I know myself and something is torturing him. It's in his eyes. Maybe even in his soul." Roy let his gaze move back out the window and watched again as Johnny smiled and laughed while playing Frisbee with Chris and Jenny.

"What can we do to help him, Roy?" She asked as worry lines creased her forehead. "He's like a little brother to me."

Roy's only response was to inhale deeply and shake his head.

_Talk to me, Junior. Let me help you get beyond whatever it is that's haunting you, my friend._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All Emergency! characters belong to Mark VII and Universal. All original characters belong to the author.

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. They are so encouraging and keep my fingers and my Muze busy! Also, sorry for my error in Chapter 1. My automatic spell check and corrector decided to make "Aunt Kitty" turn into "Laura Kitty." Geez, ain't technology grand?

Johnny's Secret-2

Johnny turned the key to unlock his ranch style house and entered his empty living room. He inhaled deeply and blew out his breath as he walked down the hallway to his bedroom carrying his suit draped across his left forearm.

The last few days had been emotionally draining for him. He loved his Aunt Kitty more than he'd loved anyone since his parents died. She had accepted him into her home when he was an angry and depressed teenaged boy. It was a move that had turned his life around completely. He had been headed down a path of self-destruction that would have ultimately landed him in jail or the county morgue. She had given him love and guidance while accepting him unconditionally; something he had never felt in the Norton home.

He stood staring in the mirror at the man he had become while seeing the frightened skinny kid he once was. He remembered how his Aunt Kitty had reached out to him the day of his Aunt Louise's funeral. She had merely reached to hug him but he'd cowered away as though her touch was going to burn him. He had refused to make eye contact with her then and she knew immediately that something was wrong. It had taken several weeks to make the legal arrangements but she had finally gained custody of him and taken him away from her brutal brother-in-law. She never asked Johnny what had happened to him during his time in the Norton home but little by little he shared some of the pieces.

She had learned that Gabe Norton had erroneously assumed that the insurance company would pay a large settlement to the guardians of the young John Gage. That was the only reason he had agreed when Louise had asked to take care of John. He knew that his Aunt Louise loved him but she was helpless when it came to Gabe. He thought nothing of slapping or punching her. Johnny had a fiercely protective streak in him and anytime Gabe was angry with Louise, Johnny would do something to displace that anger off Louise and onto himself.

He eventually told his Aunt Kitty about the weekly beatings and how Gabe used food as punishment for Johnny. It mattered little if Johnny was guilty of some infraction or not. If Gabe had been drinking, and he usually had, he would lock Johnny in his closet and not allow him to eat.

Johnny shuttered at the thought of how many meals he'd been denied at the hands of Gabe Norton. He had learned to read him. When he was angry he would tap his index and middle finger alternatingly on the kitchen table. The faster the tapping would get the closer he'd be to blowing his temper.

He'd shared with his aunt how he'd obtained the scars on his arms from being shoved into a barbed wire fence multiple times. He told her about the verbal abuse he'd endured and eventually, he'd allowed her to hold him while he cried when the memories became too much for him to bear. It had taken a long time for him to be comfortable in her arms. He had lost his ability to accept human touch as a good thing and for a long time he'd feared it. Since his arrival in the Norton home, he'd only known painful touch; not comforting touch. But she'd been patient with him and slowly he'd allowed her to brush his hair from his brow or rub soothing circles on his back and eventually he'd allowed himself to relax and accept those touches. They had felt so good to him back then.

But his deepest fears he'd never shared with anyone; not even Katherine Gage. Guilt that had haunted him throughout his teen years and even now occasionally resurrected itself. Emotions he feared he'd never conquer no matter how long he lived. He released the breath he'd been holding as his mind wandered back through those difficult and dark years.

"I'll never forget you Aunt Kitty." He spoke into the silence of his bedroom. "I truly loved you."

He exhaled again and set about the task of cleaning his home. He needed to take his suit to the cleaners tomorrow on his way to work. Once he'd swept his kitchen and vacuumed his living room, he made his way out to his barn. He needed to spend some time with his 'children'. He owned a couple of horses he'd picked up from an equine rescue mission. They were very malnourished and he'd wondered if either would survive. He'd named the painted pair Ace of Spades and Calliope or Ace and Callie for short. He also owned a mixed bread tri-colored dog he'd named Patches. She too was a rescue from the local pound. A couple of cats rounded out his household; saved from being euthanized at the local shelter. He'd named the solid black male Midnight and the gray tabby female Stitches. They were true barn cats but being owned by Johnny made them a little spoiled. They never had to work for their meals. He was careful to make sure they were fed properly whether they kept the mice at bay or not.

Johnny stayed in his barn for nearly two hours caring for his animals. It was as if each one knew that they'd been given a second chance at life from the man who was their master. They gave him unconditional love. They didn't know his past and no matter how many times he whispered his secrets to them they never understood. Or if they did they never judged him for it. They adored him and he felt so alive when he was in their presence.

He loved spending time in his barn. He'd even begun to decorate it with a few antiques. An old horseshoe was hung above all three entrances. He'd found an old kerosene lamp in a salvage yard during a rescue and bought it for a dollar. It hung on a nail just inside the large double doors. He'd purchased a few pieces of gardening utensils including an old pitch fork and a rusty sickle which were hung along the east wall. He also had several old riding blankets in Indian motifs in various places around the barn. They added color and made the place feel 'homey' somehow. He had plans to add more to it as he came across appropriate pieces.

He hoped that he might find a piece or two in his Aunt Kitty's things this weekend when he went to Santa Barbara to begin cleaning out her apartment. The owners of the dwelling had given him a month to move her belongings which he gratefully accepted. She had once owned a ranch before selling it and moving into the city. He hoped that perhaps a few things had been stored somewhere in her apartment. He wanted, needed, something that belonged to her to remember her by.

When he returned to his house, it was dark outside. He was thoroughly exhausted and hoped he'd be able to sleep tonight. Since he'd received news of Aunt Kitty's death he'd been unable to sleep soundly. Images and voices had invaded his thoughts and crept into his dream world denying him the precious rest he needed. Hopefully tonight he'd be able to find sweet peaceful slumber.

He brushed his teeth, tapping his toothbrush on the edge of the sink to remove the excess water and then turned out his bathroom light. He made his way to his window and twisted the rod that opened up the slats of the blind so that he could see the full moon while lying in his bed. He turned off the lamp on his bedside table and lay down in his queen sized bed – left arm draped across his face.

Sometime after midnight, he was awakened by a familiar female voice calling out his name.

"Johnny." She said, neither raising her voice nor whispering.

John bolted upright and saw the image of his aunt standing at the foot of his bed. She was dressed in the blue dress he'd chosen to bury her in. Startled but not afraid, he'd answered her call.

"Yes, Aunt Kitty."

"Johnny, I'm sorry I never got to share the news with you." She said.

"I know, Aunt Kitty. But can't you tell me now?" He hoped that tonight her apparition would be allowed to explain the mystery to him. The one she was on her way to tell him the day she was killed in the accident.

"No, John. I cannot. But very soon, you will know the truth. I hope that you will accept it as I accepted you when you needed me. The choice, however, will be yours." She said as the vision before him faded once again into blackness.

"No! Aunt Kitty, please don't go. I don't understand. Please tell me what you mean." He shouted into the night. But she was gone.

A slight whimper sounded outside his bedroom door. Patches had heard him crying out and had come to console her master.

"Come here, girl." Johnny said patting the spot beside him on the bed. Patches quickly obliged him and rewarded him with several licks on his sweaty face.

This same vision had plagued him since the night his aunt had died. He remembered how she sounded on the phone when she had called to tell him she needed to talk to him; whatever she had to say needed to be explained face to face. They had agreed to meet at his ranch two days later when he was off shift but she never made it. She died along Pacific Coast Highway between Santa Barbara and Los Angeles. Her car had been hit head-on by a man who had crossed the line when he had a heart attack. Both of them died on impact; whatever news she had to tell him died with her that day and those thoughts had haunted him relentlessly. He feared they always would unless he could somehow find out her secret.

_Oh Aunt Kitty…..help me out here, will ya? Where can I find the answer if you don't tell me? Please….please tell me what I need to know, please?_


	3. Chapter 3

Johnny's Secret-3

Johnny brushed the blinker downward with his left hand as he waited for a break in traffic. He soon made the left turn into his usual dry cleaners.

"Mornin', Angie." He called out to the young woman behind the counter.

"Morning, John. Just dropping off or picking up too?" She said as she reached out to take the suit he was holding.

"Pickin' up too." He said with his trade mark grin but Angie noticed that it never made it to his eyes.

"I thought those were your uniforms I saw back there a little while ago." She stated returning his friendly grin. In less than a minute she came walking back out with three crisp uniforms.

He handed her a ten dollar bill and they continued making small talk as she counted out his change. Within a couple of minutes he was back out on the highway again and headed to Station 51. He noted the time on his watch and grinned; rarely was he early for a shift.

He pulled into his usual parking spot beside his partner's porche. Reaching over to retrieve his clean uniforms he caught a glimpse of Marco's car pulling up beside him. He gave a brief nod and made his way into the locker room to change clothes.

"Morning, Junior." Roy spoke when Johnny entered the locker room. He hoped that his partner's mental state had begun to improve in the week since his aunt had passed away.

"Mornin'" Johnny spoke back but without his usual enthusiasm. He began to untuck his plaid shirt without noticing that Roy was standing there already dressed and staring at him. He set one foot up on the bench and began untying his hiking boots when he felt eyes boring a hole through him. Gingerly, he raised his chin until his eyes met Roy's for a brief moment.

"Somethin' wrong, Roy?" He asked as he removed his right boot and then replicated the process with his left foot.

"No, no nothing's wrong Johnny. I was just wondering how you were doing, that's all."

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" He asked as he turned back around to face his locker and finished dressing.

Roy heaved a sigh. "Johnny, you just buried the woman who has been like a mother to you. You can't tell me you aren't hurting. I mean, I can see it in your eyes." His voice was thick with concern as he watched the younger man's shoulders slump.

"Roy," Johnny began finally making eye contact with his partner. "Death is a part of life. We face it every time we put on this uniform. It's just something we have to accept."

Johnny finished tucking in his shirt and made a swift move towards the door. Roy reached out and caught his upper arm startling the younger paramedic. "If you need to talk, I'm here Junior."

Roy watched as John shifted his gaze to the floor and noticed the muscles in his throat move as he swallowed a couple of times. Johnny never spoke just shook his head affirmatively. Roy released the hold he had on Johnny's arm and then followed him into the kitchen for their morning cup of coffee before roll call.

E!

Chet was the last one to arrive for shift and for that he was rewarded with latrine duty.

"Man, that's 4 times so far this month, Cap." He pleaded with Hank Stanley.

Normally this would have brought some smart aleck comment from Johnny but today was different. He merely stuck both hands in his pockets as he sauntered toward the dorm to begin stripping the beds and replacing the linens.

Captain Stanley caught Roy's gaze and gave a quick nod in the direction of the dorms. "He ok, Roy?"

"Cap, I really don't know. He seems to be taking her death pretty hard but I guess that's normal. She pretty much raised him from the time he was 13 until he left for the academy." Roy stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest staring at the door the slender man had just entered.

"Well, Roy, keep me posted will ya. If I need to talk to him just let me know." He said looking down at his clipboard.

"I will, Cap. I appreciate that. He's, uh" Roy hesitated not knowing for sure how much Hank knew about Johnny's past. "Well, he's experienced a lot of losses in his life."

"Oh?" Hank questioned.

"Yea, first his parents, then his aunt who initially got custody of him and now his other aunt. It's like everyone who was ever there for him as a kid is gone. Maybe he's feeling lost or something." Roy lamented.

"Geez, I never realized he'd lost that many parental figures in his young life. He's only what 29 or so?" Cap asked.

"Twenty-eight." Roy corrected.

Cap let out a long slow whistle. "Well, we need to all be there for him then, Roy…you most of all."

"I know, Cap. I'm trying." He said with a noticeable grimace. He then turned and headed to the dorm to assist his partner.

Roy entered the dorm to find John staring at the second bunk. He'd already stripped one and left the linens piled in the middle of the floor. Now, he simply stood at the foot of the bed, Roy's bed, and stared at it as though he was watching Roy sleep. Roy walked up behind him and gently placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder. He felt Johnny tense immediately and return to the job at hand.

"You and Cap have a nice chat about me?" He asked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

"It wasn't like that, Johnny. Cap is worried that maybe you came back to work too quickly. You know, maybe you need more time to grieve before you throw yourself back into the job." Roy hoped Johnny understood that the conversation he'd shared with Hank was strictly out of concern for his well-being.

Johnny spun around on his heels and stared coldly at his best friend. "I can do my job, you know. I don't need a babysitter. I'm a grown man."

Roy raised his hands in mock surrender as he watched Johnny's defenses rise. His normally fun-loving and somewhat goofy partner now stood before him with arms crossed at his chest and his feet slightly apart. He seemed prepared to defend his ground if the need arose.

"Whoa, Johnny. No one is saying you can't do your job. You're one of the best in our business but… Johnny you've been though a lot this week." Roy wasn't sure what else to say.

"Nothing I haven't been through before, three times before to be exact, Roy. Hell, I'm a pro at burying my family." Johnny immediately regretted his words. He shook his head and turned his back on Roy.

"Roy, I'm sorry man. You didn't deserve that." He finished stripping Roy's bunk before he continued. "I've just got a lot on my mind and I, uh….well, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"It's ok, Junior. I know you've been through a lot. I didn't take it personally. My offer still stands. I have two good ears and two good shoulders. I can listen and you can lean on me."

Roy heard Johnny give a slight snort. "Thanks, man."

They finished stripping the linens and remaking the beds in relative silence. With chores done the men sat around the dayroom; the quiet morning having them all thinking the same thing; quiet mornings seemed to lead into rough nights. Secretly, John was hoping for a busy night. He feared the apparition of his Aunt Kitty waking him up in the middle of the night here. He knew that if the other guys woke up to hear him talking to himself in the middle of the night he'd never hear the end of it; especially from Chet.

Johnny stood lost in his thoughts staring out the door of the kitchen at the brick wall on the other side. He held a cup of coffee in his hand that had long ago grown cold. Chet walked in and looked around at the other men in his crew. No one seemed to notice how Gage had zoned out; everyone was doing his own thing from reading magazines to watching television. Chet couldn't resist the temptation to harass Johnny just a little bit. He sneaked up behind Johnny and used the toe of his right boot to nudge Johnny in the back of the knee bearing most of his weight. He watched laughingly as the slender form of John suddenly dipped before he caught himself from hitting the floor. Johnny knew immediately what had happened and who had perpetrated the act. He turned around casting a glancing glare at Chet before returning to his previous stance peering out the kitchen door.

"Asshole." He muttered under his breath so Cap wouldn't hear him.

Chet just snickered and was about to ask John what he was so engrossed in thinking about when the klaxons sounded.

"Station 51, traffic accident with injuries. Southbound lane of 405 at the intersection of Alameda. Southbound lane of 405 at the intersection of Alameda. Time out 10:52.

Captain Stanley keyed up his microphone to acknowledge the call as his men scurried to their respective vehicles.

"Station 51, 10-4, KMG365."

He donned his turnout coat as he took his seat on the engine. With lights and sirens going the emergency vehicles rolled out on their first rescue of the morning.

Once on scene, the group worked in tandem; each knowing exactly what to do with only minimal instructions from their superior. These calls were routine for them and their actions were second nature.

Roy headed to the first vehicle, a mangled sedan, while John headed to the VW van. Roy found two occupants inside. The driver was unconscious while the passenger was dazed.

"Ma'am, can you hear me?" He asked the passenger.

"Ah, yea. What happened?" She quizzed.

"Ma'am, you've been in an automobile accident. My name is Roy DeSoto and I'm a firefighter/ paramedic. I'm here to help you. Are you hurt?"

"No, no I don't think so. I…I can move around a little. What about Charlie? Charlie, are you alright?"

When she got no answer she began to panic. "CHARLIE!"

"Ma'am, ma'am he's alive. He's got a good strong pulse but he's unconscious. We're going to get both of you out and get you to a hospital but I need you to stay calm alright?"

Meanwhile, John was struggling to get inside the van to assess injuries.

"Cap, all the doors are either locked or jammed. I can't get in any of them. I can see a driver slumped over the wheel but I can't tell if anybody else is in there."

"Marco, get a crow bar and let's see if we can pop these doors." Cap ordered.

Chet began removing items from the squad that he knew the paramedics were going to need. He carried first the biophone, trauma box and drug box and set them down in the space between the two vehicles so that they were accessible to both paramedics. Before he could return for the backboard he heard Roy calling for a cervical collar.

"Chet, I need a cervical collar for the driver and the BP cuff." Roy informed him.

He immediately complied by getting into the backseat behind the driver and assisted Roy in stabilizing the neck of the unconscious driver. Roy then wrapped the BP cuff around the man's left arm and began to inflate it. As he did, the sound of soft sobs could be heard coming from the passenger's seat. Roy and Chet locked eyes and Roy gave a subtle nod of his head in the direction of the crying woman. Chet understood the silent request and slid himself across the backseat so that he could place a comforting arm on the shoulder of the crying woman.

"Ma'am, your husband is in good hands ok? Roy is one of the best paramedics in the county and we're gonna have you and your husband out of here and on your way to the hospital in no time." He continued to soothe the woman in hushed tones until a loud pop startled them both.

"Got it, John." Cap said as he pulled the door open.

Johnny immediately scanned the interior of the van and realized that he only had one victim; the driver who was still slumping over the wheel. The loud popping noise of the door being opened by the crowbar had failed to illicit any response from him. Johnny reached in to check for a carotid pulse and found one but it was weak.

"He's alive but barely." He said to his captain.

Johnny ran skillful fingers over the body of the driver and felt gushing liquid around his right knee.

"Tourniquet." He shouted and within seconds Marco thrust one into his waiting blood soaked hands.

Once the tourniquet was applied he continued his assessment. Finding nothing else, he began the process of preparing to extricate the driver using spinal precautions.

Within minutes of arrival, the two paramedics found themselves back to back between the two crumpled vehicles; each working to save the life of his victim. Chet continued to console the sobbing wife of the sedan driver as Mike and Marco assisted the paramedics. Cap manned the biophone relaying vitals to Rampart and then passing on the orders to Roy and John.

What may have appeared to an untrained eye to be chaos was in fact a perfectly executed rescue. With IV's established and each patient loaded into an awaiting ambulance, normalcy began to return to the 405. Clean up began while Marco was instructed to follow the ambulances to Rampart with the squad.

All the victims would live to see another day thanks to the skills of the men of Station 51.

Marco pulled the squad up to the Emergency Room at Rampart and walked in to look for his crewmates. Roy was waiting at the nurse's station talking to Dixie but Johnny was nowhere to be found.

"How's the victims?" He asked of both Roy and Dixie.

"Oh, they'll be fine. Roy's patient has a concussion so he'll be staying for a day for observation and his wife will be a little sore but nothing serious." She smiled as she spoke.

"What about the van driver?" Marco asked; concern reflected in his voice.

"He's in surgery for his broken leg and he needed some blood too. He'd lost quite a bit before Johnny got the ringer's started. He'll be alright though." She said then looked around behind the two firemen standing in front of her.

"Say, where is Johnny anyway? I know Joe released him already."

Roy and Marco both turned and looked up and down the hallway.

"I'll check the lounge." Roy said with a hint of worry in his voice.

Marco and Dixie watched as Roy walked over to the staff lounge and opened the door. He peered inside for a moment and then looked back giving the two of them a shrug.

He returned toward the nurse's station and then continued past it heading towards the men's restroom. "Let me check down here." He said as he walked passed them.

Roy opened the door to the men's restroom and stood in stunned silence at his partner.


	4. Chapter 4

Johnny's Secret-4

Johnny stood in front of the urinal but not quite close enough to be utilizing the fixture. At first glance, it seemed he was relieving himself of several cups of coffee from the slow morning. But it took only a fraction of a second for Roy to realize that this was no ordinary restroom break for his partner.

John never heard Roy enter; he was too lost in his conversation to hear the door open.

"Please…don't do this to me! Please, just tell me, ok?" His head was turned slightly to his right as though he was seeing someone who was embedded in the wall.

Roy thought for a moment that Johnny was perhaps talking to him. He drew in a breath to speak when Johnny's outburst interrupted his thought processes.

"No, no please….don't go yet! NO!" He leaned forward slightly slapping the wall with his right hand for emphasis. Then, leaving his right hand propped against the wall in front of him, he exhaled loudly wiping his sweaty brow on the sleeve of his right arm.

Roy stepped up behind his partner and laid a calming hand between his shoulders. Johnny tensed then slithered away from Roy's touch. He made a quick 90 degree turn to the sink staring into the basin.

"Junior, you ok?" He looked into the mirror at the haunted face of his younger partner.

Johnny stood trembling, continuing to stare into the sink. Moments passed before he raised his face and looked into the mirror at the man standing behind him. He locked eyes with his friend but refused to maintain the gaze. He lowered his face back to the sink and leaned on it shaking his head.

"I'm alright, Roy." He heaved a deep sigh hoping Roy believed him.

"I'm not judging you, Junior. I get it, I do. Kitty died in a traffic accident just like the one we just worked."

Johnny flexed the muscles in his jaws as he continued to stare at the sink.

"It wasn't the accident scene was it, Johnny?" Roy's voice sounded grave as reality began to sink in.

Johnny never made eye contact choosing instead to subtly shake his head negatively. He closed his eyes as droplets of sweat began to roll down his temples.

"My offer still stands, Junior. Let's talk, alright?" Roy gently placed his cupped hand on the nape of John's neck while he silently prayed his young partner would accept his offer this time.

He watched as Johnny's shoulders heaved several times as he continued taking in deep breaths and blowing them out. Roy thought for a moment that his friend was going to pass out. Finally, he raised his chin up just enough to make eye contact with Roy's image in the mirror. In a voice almost as haunting as the dark circles underneath his coffee-colored eyes, he whispered.

"Yea….but not here…not now…please, Roy?" He stated more than asked; his voice barely audible.

Roy again locked eyes with his struggling partner and gave him a quick squeeze on his neck. "Your place… and your time, Junior."

He watched as Johnny allowed some of the tension to leave his upper body. The squeak of the faucet being turned on broke the eye contact between the two partners. Johnny ran cold water over his hands and then splashed some on his face as Roy pulled out a few paper towels from the dispenser. Johnny accepted them with still shaky hands; wiping away the water, sweat and grime. Together, they walked out of the restroom.

Marco and Dixie stared down the hallway as they heard the men's room door open. One look at the two paramedics told them all they needed to know. Dixie gave a soft knowing smile to Roy as Marco pushed himself off the counter he had been leaning on and turned to meet his comrades.

"Uh, I better go, Dix." He muttered.

"Take care of him." She whispered back to Marco as he walked down the hallway towards the departing pair.

E!

The remainder of the day shift was uneventful; several minor calls for both the squad and the engine but nothing big. It was a very unusual shift. Johnny's mood was subdued which caught the attention of all the other men. Even Chet kept his alter-ego locked away out of respect for John. After the dinner dishes were washed, dried and put away the group, minus Gage, settled down for a movie before lights-out.

Cap looked around at his crew and quickly noted who was missing. Roy saw their captain glancing around the room and decided he better go check on his junior partner. He didn't want their superior to catch Johnny talking to himself the way he had at Rampart earlier today.

Roy stood catching Hank's attention and used his thumb to point toward the dorm. Hank understood his silent signal and gave him a grateful nod.

"Ok, what's on tonight, guys?" Hank asked clapping his hands and rubbing them together in an effort to distract the other three men somewhat thereby giving DeSoto a few moments to talk with Gage.

Roy hesitated outside the dorm door. When he was certain that Johnny was not conversing with himself again, he entered. He eased around the half brick wall and walked back toward John's bunk.

John sat cross-legged at the head of his bed. His back was against the brick wall and his pillow was being crushed in his grip in his lap. He stared straight ahead seeming to be able to see the air just above the foot of his bed.

Roy noted the steady respirations and the unblinking stare of his silent partner. He looked catatonic or perhaps in a hypnotic state.

"Johnny?" Roy spoke softly so as not to startle the young man.

John sat unmoving; he didn't even blink.

"Johnny…..talk to me." Roy pleaded edging ever closer to him.

Again there was no response. Roy sat down slowly on the edge of Johnny's bed making sure he placed himself directly in John's line of sight. But John just looked right through him. Fear began to boil in Roy's gut and with a nervous hand he reached out and gently grasped Johnny's wrist near the base of his thumb to check his pulse.

John had been completely oblivious to anyone entering the dorm. He sat staring at the place he knew his Aunt Kitty would occupy in a few short hours. He tried to focus on her with every fiber of his being; preferring to conjure up her ghost while he was alone rather than with his crewmates trying to sleep beside him. No matter how hard he tried he could not force her to return to him. He sat in complete silence waiting to hear her voice when he felt it. Someone grabbed his wrist in a sudden move that brought a flood of memories assaulting his senses at once.

With a gasp, he pulled his wrist away and balled up as tightly as he could to protect himself from his unknown assailant. His eyes were wide with terror as he looked at the man sitting beside him.

"Hey, it's just me, Junior. Sshhh…it's just me. It's alright. You're alright." Roy continued to console his partner just as he would Jennifer or Chris when they were having a nightmare.

Not seeing the results he wanted, he finally took both hands and placed them on either side of John's face. "Johnny…..Johnny, look at me."

Roy waited until John shifted his gaze enough so that he was certain John was looking at him. "You're ok, Junior."

Johnny exhaled and slowly closed his eyes. His breathing quickened as he lowered his head; leaning it forward until it rested on Roy's shoulder. He fought the tears that were pooling in the corners of his eyes then cleared his throat.

"R..Roy…I'm losing it, Pally."

Roy hugged his friend and felt him begin to relax. "No, Junior. You are NOT losing it. You are grieving….and it hurts like hell." He whispered.

Roy could feel Johnny nodding. He heard Johnny sniffle a couple of times and then felt him pull away. "I..uh…I'm sor."

"Stop it, John. Just stop it right there."

Johnny was taken aback by the brazenness of his partner. He drew his eyebrows together in an expression that told Roy that he didn't understand.

"Stop apologizing for being human, Junior. What you're going through is normal. YOU are normal, ok?"

Johnny smirked and laughed a little louder than he had intended at Roy's comment.

"Pally…I've been called a lot of things in my life…but normal ain't one of 'em."

Roy gave him a grin. "Ok, yea….you win on that one." After a moment of silence he continued. "You gonna be alright to finish our shift? I can ask Cap to call in a replacement fo…"

Johnny began to shake his head before Roy even finished. "No, no, no…..I can make it." He said using the heels of his hands to dry his eyes. "I, uh…I just need some rest, Roy."

Roy nodded as he stood understanding that Johnny was telling him he needed to be alone. "Sleep well." He said as he turned to walk out the door. As his hand reached out to push open the dorm door, John called out to him.

"Say, um….would you mind helping me this weekend? I need to go clean out Aunt Kitty's apartment and….uh…..I, uh."

"Sure, John. I don't mind helping you. Just tell me what time to be at your place and I'll be more than happy to help."

Roy knew that Johnny wasn't ready to face that daunting task alone. He felt a bit of pride that Johnny would ask him to accompany him. Johnny didn't show his real emotions to many people at all; choosing a somewhat goofy persona instead. But for some time now whenever he and Roy were alone he had allowed that façade to fall away piece by piece giving Roy a glimpse inside his world; even some of the most painful parts of his past. Roy knew that Johnny trusted him and he was determined not to betray that trust. Roy could tell that there was something going on with Johnny that he didn't even trust Roy to know yet. He trusted Roy with his life on a nearly daily basis but whatever secrets were gripping Johnny's heart were too much for him to even share with Roy…at least for now. _I won't let you down, Junior. Let me help you battle your demons, please._

"Thanks, Roy."

"Anytime, partner….anytime."

E!

The sound of morning wake-up tones pulled the men out of their deep slumber and back into the real world.

"Man, did I sleep through the calls or did we go all night without a run?" Asked Chet as he sat up in bed; tufts of curly hair springing out in all directions.

"We just left you behind, Kelly." Mike said with a grin.

"Oh ok, thanks, fellas." Chet yawned pulling up his suspenders.

A popping noise followed by a loud "Ouch, damn it, Marco!" brought a round of laughs from the group.

Even Johnny had to smile at Marco popping Chet's suspenders. Roy caught a glimpse of Johnny's smile.

"Sleep well?"

Johnny looked up at him with swollen eyes. "Actually, better than I have since it happened."

There was no need to define the 'it' John was referring to; both men knew he meant since Kitty Gage had died. He and Roy were the last to exit the dorm and head to the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

Once their replacements arrived, the A-shift changed back into their street clothes and parted ways. Johnny needed to make arrangements to rent a U-haul while Roy needed to talk to Joanne about the request John had made of him. He knew she would be supportive but a part of him was growing ever more concerned that maybe what Johnny was going through wasn't as normal as he'd tried to make his younger partner believe.


	5. Chapter 5

The Gage Secret-5

Dawn broke the following morning waking up John's ranch to a chilly start. Clouds loomed in the distance as he walked out onto his porch nursing a warm mug of coffee. His night had once again been quiet; no unexpected visits from Aunt Kitty. For that he was grateful as he knew the duties of the day were going to be very difficult for him and he needed to be well rested and mentally alert to handle them.

"Come on, girl." He spoke to Patches who obediently followed him toward the barn. She knew the routine and relished her time with her master.

Midnight and Stitches were already up and roaming around inside the barn. They heard Johnny and Patches heading their way and began to meow consistently.

"Good mornin'!" Johnny offered to his feline pair as they scurried along the perimeter of the open barn.

Patches followed playfully nipping at them. The three had a friendly if not unusual relationship. Patches knew that the cats were as much a part of her family as Johnny.

"Patches, if you'd been male I'd've named you Chester." Johnny chuckled. "You pester those cats as much as he pesters me."

Johnny thought for a moment. "Chester the pester…huh…..nice ring to it." He said to himself.

Johnny poured the cat food out into two bowls on his work bench; well out of reach of Patches. Two grateful cats leaped stealthily up to the bench to consume their breakfast.

Patches whined her exasperation at Johnny and was rewarded with a pat on the head. "Come on, girl. You know what's next." The two headed toward the back of the barn where the horses were stabled.

Johnny was so involved in taking care of his painted pair he failed to notice Patches tracking something. She walked in a zig zag pattern around the interior of the barn with her nose barely above the ground; sniffing and snorting her way around. She cast a glance at her master as the scent she had picked up ran from the bales of hay past the work bench and towards the back exit. Being curious and knowing the scents of all the humans who ever entered her territory, she continued on her quest to find the source of this new scent.

Roy drove up to the ranch just as Patches exited the barn. He knew that where Patches was his partner wasn't far behind. He gave her a quick whistle; not knowing he'd just pulled her off the scent of a stranger who had spent the night hiding in John's barn.

Patches perked her ears up at the familiar whistle from Roy DeSoto. She saw him standing near his pick-up and with ears laid back and something that resembled a smile on her face she hurried over to him.

Bending down to scratch her ears he began, "hey there Patches. Where's that wayward partner of mine, huh?"

Patches turned back towards the barn and barked a couple of times. By the second bark, Johnny came walking out and waved at Roy as he closed up the doors. Within a minute or so, Johnny came walking up to Roy offering a handshake.

"Mornin'."

"Junior, I swear Patches understands me better than Joanne does sometimes." Roy laughed.

"No comment, Roy." Johnny laughed and Roy thought that perhaps his younger partner was beginning to come out of his somber shell.

"Coffee?" Johnny asked as they turned and headed back toward the house.

"Nah, I had a cup at home and one on the way over here. If I have another one we'll be stopping every few miles between here and Santa Barbara."

"Haha, yea, I know what you mean. Well, let me lock up the place and we can go alright?" Johnny said pulling his keys out of his front pocket while grabbing his coffee mug from the railing on his front porch where he'd perched it earlier.

"Ready when you are, Junior." Roy commented and walked over towards the passenger's side of the U-haul.

"WHAT? You mean I get to drive?" Johnny bellowed out in his most sarcastic voice while placing an open hand on his chest.

"Yea, but only this. The squad is still mine." Roy laughed pulling himself up into the cab as his partner followed suit on the driver's side.

Patches returned to the porch and lay down in front of the old rocking chair; her designated guard post. She watched as the tail lights from the U-haul meandered down the long driveway and then disappeared over the crest of the small ridge at the end; her tracking escapade from earlier completely forgotten. But unknown to Patches or her two humans, she was not the only one watching the U-haul leave Johnny's ranch.

E!

John and Roy made their way to Santa Barbara in relative silence. Roy knew that Johnny was trying to decide how to talk to him about whatever had been bothering him and he also knew not to push him. John Gage was a very complicated man even though he liked to appear shallow at times. Roy knew him better than anyone. He knew him to be the most compassionate human being he'd ever met. He also knew that he was haunted by events in his past that as of yet, he'd not made Roy privy to. Hopefully, that would change during this trip. _Junior, you can't keep yourself locked away from the world forever, buddy._

Finally, as they passed the halfway point, John opened the door to conversation in his usual manner.

"Roy, can I ask you something?"

"Of course…. shoot." Roy knew when Johnny had something deep on his mind he needed to talk about he always started off with a question.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" Johnny kept his eyes on the road straight in front of him with his bent elbow propped on the window while the wind rustled through his mussed up hair.

"I really don't know, Johnny. I mean, I've never seen one if that's what you're asking but, well, I think that there's more to life than just what we have here, you know?"

"How do ya mean?" Johnny really wanted Roy to expound on his thoughts and thereby open the door for him to talk more. Roy knew that John was looking for acceptance to continue the conversation and so he determined to offer him just that.

"Well, Johnny, uh, I've known so many people whose spirits were just so strong and warm and kind that, well, I just can't see that no longer existing when their bodies die. I mean, it just seems like a person's soul has to continue on somehow even when the body gives out. Whether that's heaven or some other place….I don't know. Guess I'm not exactly answering your question am I?"

Roy was beginning to feel like a total failure with his partner. Then he had an idea of how to keep the conversation going.

"Do you believe in ghosts, John?" Roy asked hoping Johnny would take the bait he'd just offered.

Johnny seemed lost in thought for several minutes and Roy knew he was contemplating his answer.

"I never really gave it much thought until recently but now….well, I'm just not sure. Either it's possible that the soul lives on after the physical body dies…..or I'm just plain nuts."

John pulled the U-haul to a stop at an intersection and flipped on his right blinker. Once there was a break in traffic he merged into the long line of cars. Roy waited until they were on a long stretch of road before he asked his next question.

"Aunt Kitty?" He asked.

He'd hit pay dirt. He watched as Johnny flexed the muscles in his jaw and then swallowed a couple of times before he started talking.

"Roy, before she died…..she, uh…she called me. Said she had something important to tell me but that we had to meet before she'd reveal whatever it was."

Roy gulped. He could tell where this was heading.

"Anyway, she was on her way to my house when she…uh…when the accident happened."

Roy finally began to understand why Johnny had been behaving so irrationally. "Johnny, she never told you what it was then did she?"

Johnny just shook his head and exhaled hard. "I can't imagine what it was that was so important that she had to see me in person in order to tell me." He paused for a brief moment. "Roy, it's eating me up inside. I mean, I'm seeing her in my sleep. Hell, I'm even seeing her when I'm awake."

Johnny ran a hand through his dark locks then scrubbed his face with it before returning his elbow to the window. "Roy, I wake up at night hearing her calling my name. I've even gone so far as to ask her what she was going to tell me and…." He chuckled at the sound of it. "Even her damn apparition won't tell me."

Roy spoke up, sensing Johnny was on the verge of becoming upset again. "Johnny, does she tell you anything?" He didn't want Johnny to think he didn't believe him.

"Yea…..she just says that soon I'll know." He slapped the steering wheel hard.

"Damn it! I ju….I just can't let go of this, Roy…..I just can't."

All the pieces began to fit together in Roy's mind. All Johnny's quirky behaviors from their previous shift began to make sense.

"Last shift, in the men's room at Rampart?" Roy's question was implied but Johnny knew immediately what he meant.

"Yea, I felt her presence so strongly. I went into the restroom to splash some water on my face to bring me out of it and…and ….her face….it was there on the wall in the men's room…still telling me to accept what she needed to tell me just like she accepted me when I needed her."

He finally turned his head to face Roy. "What does it mean? Be honest with me, please.….. am I crazy?"

Roy reached out with his left hand and clamped it down on Johnny's shoulder.

"Not in the least, Junior. You are completely sane but you are also very sensitive." Johnny grimaced before Roy could continue and explain what he meant. "No, Johnny, I meant that as a compliment not as a weakness. If there's anyone who can sense a presence or speak to someone from beyond the grave then it's you. It's that sixth sense you seem to have where you just know things that the rest of us don't. It's one of the things that's kept you alive in our business….and you've used it to keep the rest of us alive too." He smiled at his partner allowing his words to sink in before he continued.

"Perhaps we'll find something in her apartment that will show you whatever it is." Roy consoled.

"Yea…I hope so, Roy. I sure hope so."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful words of encouragement. You keep me going. This chapter is longer than usual but there was a lot to cover and no good place to break it up. I hope you enjoy.

The Gage Secret-6

The skies over Santa Barbara were beginning to turn a little gray as Roy and Johnny pulled into the apartment complex where his aunt had lived her final years.

"Man, I hope the rain holds off until we get done here." John said looking upwards.

Roy said a silent prayer for the same thing; they needed to get this done as quickly as possible – for Johnny's sake.

Johnny fumbled with the key ring with the silver feather attached. Katherine Gage loved sterling silver jewelry and when she lost one of her favorite silver earrings she had asked her jeweler to fashion the remaining one into a key ring. He looked at it momentarily lost in remembrances of her. _Perfect for my ranch keys, Aunt Kitty. _

Johnny turned the key in the lock and then felt his knees go weak as he stepped across the threshold.

"You ok, Junior? You, ah, you look a little green." Roy knew that walking into Katherine's apartment would be difficult for John but he wasn't expecting such an intense reaction.

"Yea….it's just…I don't know. It's like we're violating her privacy or something."

"I know. But, it's something that we have to do." Roy paused for a minute taking in the furnishings and making a couple of mental notes about packing up the U-haul.

"Listen, I'm gonna go get some of those boxes out of the back of the truck to pack some of her things in." Roy walked back out of the apartment leaving John alone for a few moments to gather his wits about him and prepare himself for the task ahead.

E!

Johnny walked through each room in her small apartment. It felt empty even though it was filled with her belongings. He walked through the kitchen and noticed an empty coffee cup still sitting in her sink.

"Last cup, huh Aunt Kitty?" He smiled as he whispered to her as though she were standing in the room with him.

He walked through her bedroom noticing how neat and tidy she had left everything. _Almost looks like you knew you weren't coming back. _He glanced around again before turning to walk back to the living room when a picture on her dresser made him catch his breath. It was a dual frame. The picture on the left was taken the day of his Aunt Louise's funeral. _I was so scared that day; so lonely. I was even afraid of you, Aunt Kitty. _The second picture in the frame was of Johnny and Katherine on the day he graduated from the Fire Academy. He noted how different he looked in the two pictures. There was a sparkle in his eyes at his graduation that was in stark contrast to the hollow empty eyes of that young teenage boy in the other picture.

"Oh Aunt Kitty. You really did save my life, you know?" He ran his index finger over the photo of him at the age of thirteen. "This skinny little kid wouldn't have survived much longer if you hadn't come along."

He heaved a heavy sigh as he placed the photos back on the dresser. "I hope I made you proud, Aunt Kitty. I hope I'll always make you proud."

He dried his cheeks and then exited the room as he heard Roy coming back into the apartment.

E!

Roy pulled open the door of the U-haul and gathered up an arm load of flat boxes. He turned to step back out of the truck and was met by the apartment manager.

"Hello, uh Mr. Gage?" The elderly gentleman asked.

"Oh, um, no. I'm Roy DeSoto. I'm John's friend. He needed help loading up Katherine's things." Roy explained.

"Ok, well, nice to meet you. I'm Clarence McIlwain, the apartment manager. I just wanted to make sure that Mr. Gage had gotten that package in the mail."

"Uh, package?" Roy quickly ran through his conversations with Johnny since Katherine had died and he couldn't remember him talking about getting a package from Mr. McIlwain.

"Yea, a few days ago I saw this young lady knocking on Katherine's door." His gaze drifted away from Roy as he remembered the conversation he'd had with her.

"I felt so bad breaking the news to her that Katherine had died unexpectedly. She um, she asked if I had the address of her next of kin. Said something about a package from her parents that she wanted to send to Katherine's next of kin. I gave her John's address; hope I didn't do something wrong." He looked at Roy with a look of concern in his eyes.

"No, of course not. I'm sure he doesn't mind. I'll ask him about it though." Roy offered.

"Thank you, Mr. DeSoto. And, ah, offer my condolences to him too please."

"Sure thing." Roy and Mr. McIlwain parted company and Roy headed back to the apartment with a stack of flat boxes in his arms.

He entered her apartment and dropped the boxes on the floor. He then kneeled and began putting them together and reinforcing the seams with packing tape. When he heard Johnny shuffling up the hallway he looked up and realized that his friend had obviously been crying and was trying to hide the fact.

"It's ok ya know." Roy admonished.

"What's that?"

"It's ok…..to cry while we do this." Roy said as he placed another strip of tape down the bottom seam of another box.

Johnny just shrugged and kneeled down beside his partner; working for several minutes in total silence as they worked in tandem to put together the boxes that he'd use to carry his aunt's belongings back to his ranch.

E!

By noon the duo had packed up and loaded up her living room and her kitchen. Their voices echoed within those rooms as they shared small talk and decided on breaking for lunch.

"Anything close by that offers a decent lunch?" Roy asked with a hint of concern in his voice. He silently searched his memory and couldn't remember ever wanting to eat lunch before his junior partner. John Gage was normally a bottomless pit.

"Uh, yea there's a little sandwich shop at the end of the block here. Probably as quick to walk it as it is to drive with the traffic so heavy today." Johnny answered.

Johnny closed and locked the apartment door while Roy walked out to lock up the U-haul. Together, they walked down the sidewalk headed to the small deli on the corner.

"At least the clouds have kept the temperature down for us." Roy noted hoping to get his partner talking again. A silent John Gage was a bit unnerving.

"True." John stated matter of factly and opened the door to the sandwich shop for Roy.

With their orders placed and drinks in hand they sat down in a booth and waited for their sandwiches to be served. Roy saw the distant look in Johnny's eyes and knew that the young man was still struggling.

"No idea, huh?" Roy asked in a somewhat softer voice than was his normal.

Johnny's head jerked up at the sound of Roy's voice but he'd missed what Roy had said.

"Oh uh, what was that?"

"I said you still have no idea what she needed to tell you huh?" Roy's blue eyes locked briefly with John's brown ones. Johnny's only response was a slight negative shake of his head.

"Don't give up, Junior. We're gonna figure it out." _At least I hope we do._

After they'd finished their lunch they headed back out the door making a right turn back toward the apartment complex. Johnny continued to be lost in his own thoughts while holding a toothpick between his teeth; nipping at it unconsciously.

Roy was uncomfortable in the silence but he also felt like his friend was dealing with his loss in his own way. He decided to give him whatever space he needed and not force conversation between them. He'd just make himself available when and if Johnny decided to talk again.

They walked through the entrance of the complex and felt a rush of wind greeting their faces. Both men looked skyward knowing that they'd need to hurry if they were going to get the rest of her things packed and loaded before the rain started.

"Johnny I'll start packing up her guest bathroom and her spare bedroom." His eyes were serious as he gazed at Johnny.

Johnny understood what Roy didn't say. Her belongings in her bedroom would be the most personal items she owned. This was the room he'd dreaded but he needed to be the one to do it. He gave Roy a grateful and understanding nod before grabbing s few boxes and heading down the hallway.

Roy made quick work of packing up her belongings in her guest bathroom. Within just a few minutes he was finished and moved across the hall to her spare bedroom. He found it to be sparsely furnished and again made quick time of packing it up. He began to breakdown her daybed and hauled it out piece by piece without John's help. He wanted to give him as much space as he could; even if it meant not working as quickly as he could or taking a few extra breaks.

John felt the stinging behind his eyes as he began packing up the items on her dresser and chest of drawers. Her jewelry box where she kept her extensive collection of silver jewelry. Her Bible she always kept on her nightstand. Her pictures including the double framed one that had brought back so many memories from earlier. Each item brought an image of her to his brain. He had so many memories of her and touching each item brought a fresh stab of pain to his heart; making him feel her loss all the more.

With all the loose items packed in boxes he began to tape up the drawers on her bedroom furniture. As long as he and Roy could pick up the pieces without unloading the drawers then that's what they would do; saving room in the U-haul and making unpacking that much quicker. He tested each piece before taping the drawers shut.

He then moved to her bed. He pulled off the linens folding them carefully and boxing them up. He found the hand truck empty in the hallway; Roy having already used it to load up the boxes from his rooms. He stacked three boxes on it and started down the hallway where he met Roy.

"I'll take those. I'm done with my rooms. Take your time, partner." Roy said without making eye contact with John.

Johnny relinquished his grip on the hand truck to Roy and then returned to her bedroom. He needed to break down her bed and get it loaded up next. He pulled her mattress off her box springs and what he saw made his stomach somersault.

Sitting about a foot from the edge of her bed stashed between the mattress and box springs was a set of floral covered journals. There were four of them laid out side by side so as not to disturb the sleeper. His breath caught in his throat as he ran his shaky fingers across the cover of each one. _Should I peek inside? Oh Gage you can be such an idiot. _He admonished himself; something he was very good at. These journals could hold the private thoughts of his aunt and he wasn't sure he wanted to read them. He gathered them up and with his heart slamming around inside his chest he opened up the first one.

_ 01 December 1956_

_ Today my heart has not only been broken but it's been_

_ completely crushed. My wonderful younger brother and_

_ his beautiful wife were killed in a traffic accident leaving _

_behind their sweet little Johnny all alone. How I wish…._

Johnny watched as a tear splashed down on the page that chronicled the event that had thrown his life into the nightmare that it became for several years. The day his parents had died was by far the most painful episode he'd ever experienced. He recalled how afraid he was and how lonely he'd felt that day. Everything seemed to have happened in slow motion. He'd been in school that day or else he'd have been with them and would have died as well. _God how many nights did I cry myself to sleep wishing I had been with them? _

He closed that journal making a mental note that the light blue one was the oldest. He thumbed through the others placing the peach colored one beneath the blue one, then the pink one third and lastly the purple one. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and dripping off his chin. He clutched the four small journals to his chest securing them with crossed arms and slowly slid to a kneeling position on the mattress on the floor of her bedroom. His shoulders slumped and began to quake violently as pent up tears were shed. Reading her words about the death of his parents had reopened a wound he thought had healed. The pain was just as real for him at the age of 28 years as it had been all those years earlier when he was only nine years old. He cried for all that he'd endured in the aftermath of their deaths. He sobbed for all that he'd missed out on by being an orphan and finally he shed the tears for the woman who had spent the last fifteen years being a mother and a father to him.

Roy heard John crying when he walked back into the apartment. He crept down the hall not sure if he needed to let Johnny know he was there or not. While John had cried in front of him before he thought that perhaps John needed some time to release the grief he'd been holding in for several days now. When he peeked in the doorway of her bedroom the image before him broke his heart. His young partner was kneeling and hugging what looked like books or photo albums to his chest; his slim body racked by sobs.

Roy eased over and kneeled down next to his now whimpering partner. He placed a consoling arm around his heaving shoulders and felt him lean in slightly laying his head on Roy's shoulder. No words were spoken between them; none were needed. Johnny was hurting and it was a pain that Roy had not experienced before. He didn't pretend to know how John was feeling but he knew that the emotional release he was now having was necessary for his healing.

As Johnny's sobs began to subside a sudden clap of thunder startled them both. Johnny jumped and Roy instinctively held onto him even tighter.

"It's just thunder, Junior. Rain's getting closer." He offered his trembling partner.

Johnny sniffled and began wiping his tears with his shirt sleeve. He needed to blow his nose and so he stood up still clutching the journals and walked to the hall bathroom. He laid the journals down on the back of the toilet as he rolled off tissue and began blowing his nose. Once he felt a bit more composed he turned around and turned on the faucets to splash his face with cold water. He searched around for a towel to dry his face with and then remembered that Roy had already cleaned out this bathroom. He turned and walked back to his aunt's bedroom stepping past Roy and walked into her personal bathroom. He grabbed up the first hand towel he found and dried his face with it.

A couple of minutes later he walked out with red rimmed eyes and saw Roy trying to move the mattress by himself. He reached down and picked up the other end and without saying a word they emptied her bedroom of its furniture.

Rain drops began pelting them as they loaded up her bed into the U-haul. There was no way another piece of furniture or another box was going to fit in the back of that truck no matter what they did. They'd managed to move her dresser and nightstand into the living room to make loading easier but realized that they simply were not going to get it all on this trip.

"Johnny, there's no way we can get it all today. We got most of it though. I can help you after our next shift." Roy said to his still shaking partner.

Johnny looked around at what was left. "Yea, I….I'd really appreciate that Roy."

Roy watched as Johnny turned his back to him and once again used the heel of his hands to wipe his eyes. _You've done well, Junior._

"You know," Roy began. "I think we can get the rest of it with a U-haul trailer hooked to the pack of my pick-up or your rover."

Johnny shook his head and then turned around to his friend; his best friend. "Roy,…..I." His voice cracked before he could continue.

Roy clapped his hand on the nape of Johnny's neck and pulled him into another hug. Johnny embraced him again but this time his crying wasn't as hard.

"You've done really well, Johnny. Let it go now…as much as you need to…I'm here…..I've got you."

They stayed locked in a comforting embrace for only a moment before Roy felt Johnny pull away. "I, uh….I really appreciate all this."

"This makes it more real than the funeral doesn't it?" Roy asked.

"Yea, Pally…..that it does." Johnny said as he stuck his hand inside his right front pocket and retrieved the keys.

With the apartment locked up and the U-haul loaded up, the paramedic pair exited the apartment complex and headed back to Los Angeles and to the ranch that Johnny now called home.

The rain was pelting the windshield by the time they left the city limits of Santa Barbara. They eased into a quiet ride with very little talking between them. When they were within fifteen miles of Johnny's ranch he suddenly had a verbal outburst that nearly gave Roy a heart attack.

Johnny had spent most of the return trip thinking back over everything they'd packed up. Suddenly, he remembered something crucial.

"Ah, PISS!" He yelled while slamming his hand down on the steering wheel. "Shit, shit, shit!"

"What, Johnny….what is it…what's wrong?"


	7. Chapter 7

The Gage Secret-7

Johnny huffed and ran an angry hand through his hair. "The journals, Roy…..I forgot the journals."

Understanding made its way to Roy's face. "Is that what you were holding onto in her bedroom?"

Johnny's only response was a frustrated nod.

"I'm sorry…..I didn't notice you hadn't packed them or I would've said something."

"I know and I'm …well, I'm just aggravated with myself, that's all." He said as he turned off the windshield wipers; the rain having turned to just a light drizzle as they got closer to Los Angeles.

Roy wanted to ask Johnny what he'd read in them but thought better of it. Whatever was written in those journals were not meant for his eyes; maybe not even for John's.

"I, uh…I opened the oldest one. I..I found the entry she wrote the day my folks got killed. Man, I…I just lost it, ya know?"

Roy really didn't know as he'd not yet experienced the loss of a parent but he'd seen what had happened to his partner afterwards. "Did you read any other entries?"

John knew what Roy was asking without being blatant. He appreciated Roy for a lot of reasons but his ability to keep his nose out of other people's business was certainly one of the biggest reasons. Johnny was a private person and Roy had never once pushed him for more information than what he was ready to share. He was always there to listen whenever Johnny needed to blow off some steam or needed to share something intimate without judging him; he was fortunate to count Roy as a close friend – his closest friend.

"Nah," Johnny cast his partner a quick glance and saw only concern in his blue eyes. "Couldn't see after reading that first one; vision got kinda blurry."

Roy waited a minute to see if his young partner needed to say anything more. When John remained quiet, he began. "You think ma.."

"God I hope so, Roy." John interrupted knowing exactly what Roy was thinking because he'd been thinking the same thing. "I could really use some answers."

Suddenly Roy's face turned red with embarrassment. "Uh, Junior, you aren't the only one who forgot something."

"Huh?" Johnny gave Roy a puzzled look.

"Um, when I went out to get some boxes out of the truck, Mr. McIlwain came over and talked for a minute. He, ah, wanted me to offer you his condolences but also, he wanted to know if you got the package."

Johnny silently mouthed the word 'package' as he stared at the road ahead. Momentarily, he looked back at his partner. "I haven't gotten any package lately."

Concern registered on both their faces but it was Roy who broke the silence.

"He said something about a young lady showing up at Katherine's apartment saying she was delivering a package from her parents or something like that. He told her about Katherine's death and she asked for the address of her next of kin."

Johnny shrugged his shoulders. "Nuh-uh, I haven't gotten anything yet….did he say who she was?"

"No, just that he had to break the news to her about your Aunt Kitty. He was concerned that you might be mad at him for giving out your address." Roy stated.

"Nah, course not." Johnny said.

They made the last few miles of their journey in silence; Roy granting his friend some time to sort through the myriad of emotions he'd been through during the course of the day.

E!

Johnny turned the U-haul into his driveway and felt the large vehicle lumber down the dusty entrance to his ranch. As he topped the ridge that brought his ranch into his field of vision he smiled at the sight of Patches standing up on his front porch and stretching before hopping down the two steps to the yard to meet him at the driver's side door.

Patches perked her ears up when she heard the bustling noise of the U-haul coming toward her. She knew that her master had left that morning in the big truck and she now knew he was returning in the same day; something that didn't happen when he left for a shift at the station. She stood up, tail wagging, and stretched her front legs out in front of her and then carried the stretch on through her body to her back legs. She sat at attention until he brought the vehicles to a stop and then trotted off to welcome her favorite human back home.

"Well Patches, thanks for keeping an eye out on the place while we were gone, girl." Johnny said giving her a loving pat and scratch on the head.

"You want to unload this tonight, John?"

"Whew, Roy I don't know about you but I'm beat. I got the truck for a week so I was thinking about just backing it into the barn and leaving it for a day or two." Johnny drew the back of his hand across his brow and squinted his eyes at his partner.

Roy grinned, "That sounds like an excellent idea. I'm about done in myself." He leaned against the passenger's side door as Patches came around for her turn with him.

"Gimme a minute for a quick pit stop, alright?" Johnny said as he whistled for Patches to follow him inside his home.

Roy nodded and waved them off.

"Come on, girl. I need you to stay inside so I don't run over you." Roy heard John talking to Patches as the two headed into the house.

E!

Inside the barn, unbeknownst to Patches or the two men, the stranger had returned; the same stranger Patches had picked up the scent of at daybreak on her trip to the barn with John. The same stranger whose scent Roy had inadvertently called her off of when he arrived to assist Johnny this morning. The stranger had watched as Roy and Johnny left in the U-haul for an unknown destination. The stranger had waited until well after sun up and then returned to the solitude of Johnny's barn to rest.

Sleep was very precious to this individual; fatigue and hunger had been constant companions for the last several days. Finding the ranch and being able to access the barn unnoticed by the owner had been a God-send. After waiting for a long time and determining that the two appeared to be gone for the day, this stranger had returned to the shelter and relative safety of the barn. The wind had been blowing from the house toward the barn; thus helping to keep the unrecognized scent undetected by Patches as she stood sentinel over her domain. For that, the stranger was grateful.

Now, suddenly a new threat had appeared. The owner and his friend had returned in the loud creaky truck. The stranger had not intended to sleep all day and now was trying desperately to find an escape before being caught.

The barn had avenues of escape. The double doors in the front and back were large, bulky and squeaked too much making an unnoticed exodus unlikely. The third door was a small standard sized door but it directly faced the location where Roy was standing beside the parked U-haul. Feeling trapped and tasting the bile rising, the stranger quickly looked for a hiding place. Finding only a small room that resembled a tool shed near John's workbench, the stranger stepped inside and crouched down just as the sound of the U-haul cranking up was heard.

Roy stepped over to the large double doors and opened them up. He found a large stone to prop open the right side as he held the left side open with his body. He watched as Johnny skillfully backed the large truck into the open area of his barn. It was a tight fit but he managed to park the truck inside with enough room for the exterior doors to close. He stepped out of the U-haul making sure that both cab doors were locked as well as the roll up door in the back; he never felt the need to lock his barn up but wanted to make sure that his aunt's belongings were kept safe. It felt almost like he was keeping her safe somehow. He flipped the light off and nudged the stone away from the right side door when a sudden gust of wind grabbed it and slammed it shut. Roy was standing in the middle of the doorway having pushed the door he was holding back to its closed position. Fortunately, he saw what was happening just in time to step out of the way. The slamming door shook the wall of the barn just enough to dislodge the axe John had not so carefully leaned against the wall on his work bench. It made little noise as it fell from its perch to the hay below. The blade stuck firmly between the wooden door and the threshold slats; thus trapping the stranger inside the tiny enclosed space with no visible means of escape.

"Oww, guess the rain's about to get here, huh?" Johnny said looking at the large doors one last time while securing them closed.

"Yea, hell of a wind gust." Roy commented in agreement. "Think I'll head on home before the down pour."

"Yea, don't blame you there, Roy." Johnny reached out his hand but then embraced his friend instead. "Thanks again."

"Anytime, Junior….and I mean that." Roy said grinning when the next gust of wind flipped Johnny's longer-than-regulation-length hair to a standing position at the back of his head.

"I'll come help you unload before we go back or do you want to rent a smaller unit we can tow behind one of our vehicles?"

"Might as well just use the truck." Johnny said with a nod of his head toward the barn.

"Alright, I'll see you at the station then and we'll make plans for going back." Roy said opening the door to his truck.

Johnny lifted a hand in a simple goodbye gesture as Roy backed his pick-up out from behind the rover and then turned to go take a shower and get some sleep. Inside the barn, the stranger tried to find a way out of the somber tomb-like room. No amount of pushing or kicking would dislodge the axe from its new found home. Horrible images from the recent memory of the stranger began to close in and in a short amount of time there were no longer any sounds coming from inside the small interior barn room.

One by one Johnny turned out the lights in his house. His shower had been long and hot; now his back and legs felt tired and achy along with his feet and his arms. But at least the worst part was over. He'd made the first trip back for Katherine's things. _I love you, Aunt Kitty. Good night. _

Patches curled up beside the bed of her master. The howling wind and distant thunder made her crave his presence. Inside the barn, Ace, Callie, Stitches and Midnight all settled in for the stormy night. But trapped inside the tiny room beside the work bench, an individual curled into a fetal position with eyes screwed shut willing away the demons that seemed to have a death grip on the heart and lungs of the terrified stranger

A/N: Thanks for sticking with me on this journey. Your reviews are certainly empowering and are keeping me updating much more quickly. Thank you all!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Warning for violence and strong language.

The Gage Secret-8

Pain seared through his back jolting him awake. "Aahhh….shit!"

"What is it, Roy? What's wrong? Honey?" Joanne threw the covers off of herself and Roy then reached out to turn on the lamp beside their bed.

A hiss escaped Roy's lips and Joanne noticed his face contorting in pain. "Sssss….back!"

Joanne knew immediately what was going on and reached over to gently massage her husband's back; releasing the cramping she felt beneath her fingers.

"Aahh, ohh…um-hmm."

Joanne laughed to herself. Had she not known that her husband was in severe pain, she'd have thought he was having a sensual dream. After a couple of minutes of kneading and feeling the muscles relax, Joanne placed a soft kiss along the ridge of the sore muscle in his lower back.

"Um-hmm…nice." He commented twisting around to embrace his wife in a warm cuddle; kissing the top of her head.

"Hmmm…that's nice too." She said as her small hand began to lightly stroke his hairy chest; he knew immediately that it was an invitation to a little pre-work fun and his back pain was soon forgotten.

The two were lost in their love-making; each quickly approaching climax when the alarm clock began to buzz. Roy reached out with his right hand slapping at anything within reach to silence the annoying sound. His third slap did the trick; the buzzing sound replaced by the heavy breathing and soft moans of Joanne.

"Oh, yesss, Baby." She hissed through gritted teeth.

Roy's vocal response was a little more animated. "Aahhh, Damn!

Joanne cradled her arms around Roy's neck as she felt his body arch and was again rewarded with an even louder groan.

"Shit….oh, God….Goodddd! He screamed rolling off of her onto his once again spasming back.

"Roy? Oh no, again?"

"Yea, damn it!" His frustration all too audible; the pain in his back being the secondary cause of that frustration.

"Baby, you ah…you didn't… She began but was quickly interrupted by her husband.

"No, no I didn't but ah,…..shows over now." He said stretching his back out again.

Joanne knew she shouldn't do it but she just couldn't help it. What began as a grin quickly escalated to a chuckle and then a full-blown belly laugh. Within mere seconds, Roy had joined her finding the humor in his predicament.

"Damn you, Junior!" He snorted while drinking in the sight of his beautiful naked wife. "Can't wait to tell my partner what he interrupted this morning." He said through continued laughs.

"Baha..Baby," Joanne began."How's it Jo…Johnny's fault?"

"Because I spent all day yesterday moving furniture, packing and hauling boxes and riding long distances without getting out to stretch." He rolled his eyes at his wife."Besides, I'd rather blame it on Johnny than on my lack of amorous abilities early in the morning.

One final snicker from his wife echoed in the room as the two of them got out of bed. Joanne watched Roy trudge toward the shower when she got an idea. As Roy stepped underneath the hot water, Joanne stepped in behind him and quickly began to generate a little steam for Roy; it didn't take long for them to finish what they had started earlier.

E!

Johnny awoke feeling more exhausted than when he'd gone to sleep. He'd totally expected a visit from his Aunt Kitty but instead was tormented throughout the night with dreams about his parents and the traffic accident that had left him an orphan. He lay awake for a few moments watching his alarm clock and wishing he could take today off to just relax. _Damn, why did I forget those journals. _

He was lost in thought wondering if perhaps he'd be more rested if he'd had the chance to read through his aunt's journal entries before he had retired last night when the alarm clock finally began its painful high pitched squeal.

"A'right, a'right. I'm up. He croaked out in a raspy morning voice.

He slid his legs out from under the covers and set his feet on the floor. Patches was waiting for that moment and immediately began to lick his toes and the tops of his feet.

"Ahh, haa, stop it, girl!" He laughed as Patches continued to tickle him innocently and he squirmed his feet around trying desperately to remove his ticklish toes from her tongue's reach.

"Come'ere" he called out and Patches hopped on the bed to lavish his face with the same treatment she'd just given his feet. He rewarded her with several gentle pats on her head and a round of scratching behind her ears.

Finally, the two broke their early morning ritual to go about taking care of the other residents of the ranch.

John walked to the kitchen and started his coffee perking then donned his jacket and opened the door.

"Come on, Patches. You know what's next.

The clicking sound of Patches' claws on his hard wood floor was unmistakable as she followed her master out the back door and towards the barn. She couldn't wait to take a nip at the cats as they patiently waited for John to feed them.

John reached out to unlatch the large double doors. He opened the right side only and was startled to hear Patches yelp and run around the side of the barn into the adjoining field. Johnny watched as she chased a young rabbit through the wide expanse until it skillfully evaded capture.

"Haha, geez girl. Good thing you don't have to catch your own meals." He said; snickering again as he watched her playfully zigzag around in the pasture trying to pick up the rabbit's scent again.

Midnight and Stitches meowed in rapid succession; they were not accustomed to having breakfast without at least a little harassment from Patches.

"Good mornin'." Johnny spoke to his feline pals as he pulled out the bag of dry cat food and poured each cat a bowl full. "Make it last…..won't be back until tomorrow mornin'.

He turned to put the bag back in the cabinet of his work bench.

"Huh, how'd that happen?" He said to himself noticing his axe had fallen off his work bench and was perched in the threshold of the small room beside the bench.

Inside the room, a figure crouched down in the damp cold room; hands in pockets protecting a few precious possessions. With hitched shallow breaths, the stranger feared unconsciousness would occur as extreme fear clutched the rapidly beating heart within the quivering chest. He was inside the barn now. He had seen the axe that had entrapped the individual for hours and he was so close his breathing was audible to the stranger.

Johnny reached down and removed the axe from its temporary home; placing it with care back on the work bench before turning to head toward the back of the barn to take care of Callie and Ace. He had taken a few steps away when it occurred to him that he needed to properly store the axe to make sure it didn't fall off again and cause one of his animals, or himself, to get hurt. He spun around on his heels and walked back to the work bench.

Inside the room, the quick breaths were beginning to cause the hiding soul to hyperventilate. The walls seemed to reach out with boney fingers grabbing at flesh until the stranger could no longer take the perceived torture. The individual never heard Johnny making his return to the area of the barn he had just left. Just as he stepped in front of the work bench, the small door to the closet shot open and he caught an image of something dashing out and around the back of the U-haul.

Johnny was stunned and acting completely on instincts, he bolted around the front of the U-haul. The two ran into each other with the smaller individual bumping into John. Looking through eyes of fury, all he saw was denim and short dark hair as he grabbed two handfuls of shirt and slammed the slighter individual into the passenger's side of the truck with enough force to knock the breath out of the stranger. Johnny kept his left hand on the unknown chest squeezing and twisting the shirt while he drew back with his right hand and connected it to the right side of the stranger's face. With absolute rage and perhaps a little fear, he pulled back again with his right hand and slammed it into the upper abdomen. The intruder doubled over and Johnny used that instant to shove his left leg between the feet of the stranger then quickly raised his right knee making contact with the face of the now somewhat limp body. He quickly dropped the individual to the ground and pounced; pinning the now unresisting stranger beneath him.

"You fuckin' piece 'o shit! Johnny grunted; breathless from the sudden fight. He'd been unable to focus on anything until this moment; seeing only blurs as his anger blinded him.

His chest was heaving and sweat beads were popping out on his upper lip and forehead as his words were forced out through clenched teeth. He held the body down a little longer to make sure the fight was over.

Blinding pain seared its way through the intruder's face and chest. Tossed around like a rag doll while being punched was not what had been expected when the individual had decided to make a run for it. Unable to catch a breath and feeling warm liquid running down the stranger's face created as much panic as being locked inside a dark, damp and cold room for the last nine hours. The battered intruder tasted blood and dirt as lack of oxygen caused the sensation of falling into a darkened tunnel with tiny bright lights floating around when suddenly the stranger was flipped from stomach to back.

Johnny straddled the smaller body and once again grabbed another handful of shirt lifting the slighter individual a few inches off the ground. The slight elevation was enough to allow the head to tilt back revealing dark brown eyes dazed but wide with terror and fear. The eyes caught sight of John's raised fist and made a half-hearted attempt to block the coming blow. A strangling choking sound escaped the swollen and bleeding lips.

"Peas….no." Spat the beaten stranger.

Johnny caught himself just before he struck the stranger again. He watched in horror as the eyes of the small person in his grasp rolled back beneath quickly swelling lids. John saw who it was that he held in his angry hands and slowly eased the upper body back down. _Oh my God! _An audible gasp was released but Johnny wasn't sure if the sound came from his lips or those of his semi-conscious captive who now lay on the floor of his barn bleeding from the wounds he'd just inflicted.

A loud series of barks snapped Johnny out of his shock and he realized that Patches was trying to scratch her way into the barn to assist him.

"Patches, down girl!"

He quickly reached up to the blood streaked neck to check for a carotid pulse. Finding what he was looking for he then moved his hand lower to check for respirations. _Rapid and shallow. Oh Jesus, what have I done? Squad, gotta call a squad. No, damn it. Just take the rover; it's faster._

He scooped up the individual; not sure whether the person was extremely light or his adrenaline level was still very high. He nudged open the door of the barn and hurriedly walked over to his rover. Somehow, he managed to open the passenger's side door and placed the battered stranger in the passenger's seat. He leaned it back and then snapped the seatbelt into place.

"I'm so so sorry. I'm, uh…keys, Johnny, keys." He said to himself as he ran back into his house; quickly removed his coffee pot while turning off his stove and snatched his rover keys from the key holder near the door. He was shaking so hard he nearly dropped the keys while stumbling off the porch in a sprint to his vehicle.

"Hold on, ok? Please, I'm so sorry…oh God." He slammed his door shut and made a couple of attempts to get the key in the ignition before succeeding and cranking up the engine. He slammed it in gear and then reached over again to check for pulse and respirations . _Ohmygod, ohmygod, what've I done?_

The stranger wasn't sure what was happening. The feeling of floating then moving while also being somewhat restrained caused even more panic to course through the individual's veins; creating another gasping noise.

"Nu….ah.

"Easy, please, just take it easy. I'm driving you to the hospital, ok. I'm sorry, oh my God, I'm so sorry. If I'd've known I wouldn't have, oh God!" John realized he was babbling through his tears as he turned on his emergency flashers and made a fast trip towards Rampart.

_I'll call Cap from Rampart….gotta call Roy too, I, ah….oh Gage you IDIOT! You beat the hell out of a, a girl!_


	9. Chapter 9

The Gage Secret-9

"You certainly know how to give me a send off to the station." Roy purred to Joanne as she turned into his embrace.

"Well…..just giving you a reason to come back home safely." She responded with a twinkle in her eyes.

After serving him a hearty breakfast and a generous amount of coffee, Joanne rushed to catch up with Roy before he made it out the front door.

"Here, Honey…helps with those nasty muscle cramps."

Roy grinned and accepted the banana from his wife. "Thanks, Jo. I love you, Darling."

"I love you too." She cooed giving Roy a kiss. Then pulled back giving her husband a naughty wink and grin. "I'd hate for one of the guys at the station to have to take care of another back cramp for you."

With a blush Roy replied, "yea…uh….me too." _They'd never be able to make me feel like you did, Jo._

Their romantic goodbye was interrupted by a ringing telephone which caused Roy to hesitate.

"Hello….yes, Dixie, he's right here." Joanne, with a worried expression, held out the phone to Roy.

_Uh-oh, this can't be good._

E!

Johnny's injured passenger was becoming more alert and more terrified.

"Uh….whu….no." She mumbled almost incoherently.

Johnny was at a loss for what to do. He knew he needed to focus on driving to Rampart but he also desperately wanted to calm her fears.

"Easy, sweetie, ok. I'm so sorry. I mean, I didn't know you were, uh…I mean…I…..I'm just sorry. Ok?"

Johnny kept glancing to his right as the girl brought a very shaky hand up to her bleeding eyebrow then looked at her blood covered hand. Johnny could see the bruising along her cheekbone and underneath her eye beginning to turn a deep bluish purple. Her left eye was nearly swollen shut already. Her lower lip was cut and bleeding down her chin and neck soiling her denim shirt.

_Damn it! She can't be more than fourteen years old!_

He made the familiar turn into the emergency entrance at Rampart and looked over at her again. His heart was nearly torn from his chest as he saw her tears beginning to streak through the blood and dirt on her face. Horror was reflected in her eyes and something else he couldn't quite define.

She sat momentarily staring at her assailant in stunned silence. Then, as if she had suddenly been tossed into ice cold water, she began scrambling to escape the confines of the rover. She struggled to reach the door handle but it was just beyond her reach. Her breathing became audible as she tried desperately to free herself from the restraining seatbelt; but Johnny was quicker. He reached over her, his nearness causing her to become queasy with fear of him, as he open-handedly slapped the locking mechanism on the door. Once again, she was trapped.

"No, no….we're here…..you're gonna be fine. I swear it…don't open the door…..you'll fall out…."

Johnny continued to ramble but all she could hear was the rushing sound in her ears as the lights of Rampart Emergency came close enough to be reflected on her wet face and the dizzying darkness from earlier crept ever closer trying to pull her under.

Johnny parked the rover and rushed over to the passenger's side door. He fumbled quickly trying to unlock it then remembered he had locked it only moments before to keep her from falling out.

"Shit!" He said slapping his pockets only to realize he'd left the keys in the ignition.

He returned to the driver's side, climbed in and unlocked her door. He snatched his keys out shoving them roughly into his pockets as he made his way back around to her side.

"Ok, sweetie, ok, we're here. I've got you. It's okay now." He continued to whisper as he once again cradled her in his arms and rushed through the double doors.

An empty gurney was poised just inside the entrance and he carefully laid her down as he searched around for help. He locked eyes with Dixie who had just arrived for her shift and flagged her over. When he returned his gaze to the girl, she was staring at him; her brown eyes colored almost black with fear and…..now he realized the other emotion; despair. He held her gaze for what seemed like hours but could only have been a couple of seconds until Dixie arrived. But his guilt wouldn't allow him to continue looking in her direction.

Johnny hovered over her as he brought a nervous left hand towards her forehead. She caught a glimpse of him raising his hand and instinctively pulled her throbbing head away from the hand of the man who had just assaulted her in such a violent manner.

Johnny swallowed the gasp that was already moving up from deep in his throat. _She's afraid of me!_

Tears were beginning to sting his eyes as Dixie's voice thrust him into full paramedic mode.

"Treatment 4, Johnny. I'll get Joe."

Johnny reacted with swiftness pulling the stretcher and its trembling occupant down the corridor and into Treatment 4 as Dr. Early, Dixie and Sally followed close behind.

"What have you got, John?" Dr. Early posed the question as he pulled his stethoscope from his pocket and adjust the ear pieces.

"Let's get these clothes off her, Dix. Sally, get me some vitals."

Johnny could hear Dr. Early's voice but it sounded distant and foreign to him. He continued to bark out orders for blood tests and IV fluids but Johnny couldn't make out what he was saying.

"John…Johnny?"

Johnny's head jerked up at the sound of his voice. He then realized that Dr. Early was staring at him waiting for his answer.

"Whu, huh? Oh, yea…..um.." Johnny fumbled through his brain looking for a plausible explanation as to why he had rushed into Rampart carrying a teenaged girl who was badly beaten.

"Uh…fell, fell in ba…barn." Johnny heard the words but the voice wasn't his.

"You fell in a barn? Is that what you said?"

Johnny stared dumbfounded as the battered girl began to speak to Dr. Early herself; giving a totally fictional depiction of how she sustained her various injuries.

"Away, go..go." She was panting hard through her tears but her intentions were unmistakable. She was almost glaring at Johnny.

Dixie eased her back down on the exam table. "Sshhh, you're safe now. Just relax for me, ok? My name's Dixie. What's your's?"

Dr. Early was trying to exam his patient who was still locking eyes with Johnny. Dixie was the first to realize what was happening and nodded to Sally to escort John Gage from the exam room. Sally looked at her supervisor with a confused expression on her face. Dixie's face was stern and Sally quashed her desire to second guess her superior.

"John, let's go get some coffee, hmm?" Sally said in her kindest voice.

John complied although he was unable to understand why. He knew she was afraid of him but now he had an even more worrisome thought. _She has a head injury; she's confused. Oh Jesus, it's much worse than I thought._

Sally gave Johnny's arm a gentle tug and was grateful when the dark haired paramedic complied without argument. She led him into the staff lounge and watched him nearly collapse into the couch; his face buried in his trembling hands. She poured him a cup of coffee and patted his shoulder to get his attention.

"Here, John. Perhaps this will help. Dr. Early will be in as soon as he has news for you." She turned quickly on her heels and returned to Treatment 4.

E!

"Alyssa" came the croaky response to Dixie's question.

Dixie continued her ministrations on her patient trying to soothe and calm her.

"Alyssa, that's a very pretty name. What's your last name, sweetie?"

Dixie noted the hesitation before receiving her answer.

"Keener."

With a smile, Dixie continued her line of questioning while Joe continued his thorough examination of their newest arrival.

"What's your date of birth, Alyssa?"

Alyssa's mouth was dry and she tried in vain to wet her swelling painful lips. "Uh….February 3, 1956."

Dixie did the mental math and realized that Alyssa was much older than she had at first appeared.

"So, you just turned nineteen?" She asked for clarification.

"Ya..uh…yes." Came Alyssa's pain filled response.

Dixie cut her eyes at Joe's hands and realized he'd just palpated her upper abdomen.

"Tender here, Alyssa?" Dr. Early asked; his voice laced with compassion.

"Ok, big stick, Alyssa." Sally spoke in a soft voice as she applied a tourniquet trying to raise a vein for the IV Dr. Early had ordered.

Alyssa's eyes screwed shut and her faced twitched as the IV was established. She opened her lesser swollen eye at Dr. Early's command so that he could finish his examination.

"Ok, Alyssa, tell me again how you were injured?" He once again questioned.

E!

Johnny sat alone with his warring emotions inside the staff lounge.

_I fought her like she was a grown man!_

_But, she was trespassing inside my barn. I was only protecting my property._

_She was unarmed and wasn't threatening me at all._

_But, she rushed toward Aunt Kitty's belongings…._

His argument for the assault wasn't gaining any ground. His remorse for his actions kept growing with each tick of the clock that echoed inside the lounge. He stole a quick glance at the clock and realized he still had a few more minutes before Captain Stanley would be at the station. He had no choice but to call in; he was in no shape to work at the moment. Then, another thought entered his mind; one that caused his insides to churn.

_Oh NO! My career's over. I've assaulted an unarmed little girl. Doc will have to report me to the HQ and to the cops. I'll be arrested…and…_

His self-loathing thoughts were interrupted by the lounge door opening. His mouth went completely dry as Dr. Early and Dixie walked in.

"How…" Johnny gulped then continued. "How is she?"

Dr. Early turned a chair to face Johnny and sat down while Dixie poured the two of them some coffee.

"John, her injuries are not life-threatening but I'm gonna admit her for a few days. She's weak, malnourished and dehydrated in addition to her injuries. There are no broken bones which I think is really a miracle but she's gonna be in some pain for a while. She's been given an analgesic in her IV for that and she's resting now. She'll be moved to a room soon."

John let go of the breath he'd been holding. _She's ok, thank God, she's gonna be ok. _Then his breath hitched again and a huge lumped formed in his throat.

"John, I need you to give me an honest answer here. She told us how she was injured but, well….Dixie and I agree that her story just isn't believable."

_Here it comes._ Johnny leaned forward with his hands resting on his elbows and stared intently at the floor. He tightened the muscles in his jaws as he closed his eyes. He knew he had no choice but to tell the truth…even at the expense of his paramedic career.

He inhaled deeply, remembering the fear in her tear streaked face and her insistence that he leave the room. He knew at that moment that she was too afraid to tell them what he'd done to her with him still standing there. She wasn't able to say it until he was far enough away that he couldn't hurt her again. He cast a weary glance at Dixie's solemn expression before shifting his broken hearted gaze directly at Dr. Early.

"What she told you is true, Doc….it's all true."


	10. Chapter 10

The Gage Secret-10

Roy pulled his pick-up into the parking lot of Station 51 but didn't see any vehicles for the A-shift crew.

"Come on, Cap….please don't pick today to be late." He whispered to himself.

The bay doors were open in the back and he realized that the squad was in. _Oh good; hope they can stay a little while._

"Hey Roy…..you're here early." Dwyer said in greeting his replacement.

Roy stood just inside the apparatus bay with his arms folded over his chest.

"Yea well, my partner ran into a little problem this morning and I need to go check on him. He transported an injured young girl to Rampart and he's still there. I was wondering if you two might be able to hang around for an extra hour or so. I'd really like to go check on him before shift starts; Dix said he was pretty upset."

The paramedics from the station were very generous when it came to helping each other out.

"Yea, sure, man. We had a quiet night so I'll check but I feel sure we can both stay over. My partner's in the shower. Uh, why don't you go check on Gage and then call us back here. By then he'll be out and I can ask him, ok?" Dwyer said in a voice that showed his genuine concern.

"Thanks." Roy said turning his head to his left as he heard a vehicle making the turn around the side of the station.

He let out a quick breath; relieved that Captain Stanley had arrived.

"I'll call you before shift change. Right now I need to talk to Cap." Roy headed off toward Hank Stanley's car as Dwyer made his way back to the kitchen.

"Mornin' Roy. Problem?" Hank said with a tentative smile on his face.

"Uh, yes…..Cap it's Johnny."

E!

Dixie reached out to squeeze Johnny's trembling hands. His response to her touch was a very audible exhalation. Dixie cut her eyes up to Dr. Early who took her cue and clasped the shoulder of the young paramedic.

"John, I think you might want to hear her version before you agree with it." Joe squeezed John's shoulder and felt it tense up beneath his fingers.

Johnny looked up into the eyes of both Dr. Early and then Dixie. Dixie gave him a brief smile that he wasn't sure how to take.

"Huh? What d'ya mean? I know why she wanted me to leave." He said through teary eyes.

"Ok, John, listen. I've already noted her 'official' explanation. But if we're going to help her we need to know for sure what happened to her." Dr. Early looked at the slim man before him and back up at Dixie.

"Johnny, listen….we're not trying to put words in your mouth or trick you here but Joe and I are fairly certain that her story isn't accurate. Now, what we need to know is whether or not you know who she's protecting?" Dixie watched as Johnny's countenance completely changed.

Johnny angled his face up at her and arched one eyebrow questioningly. "Wh…why do you think she's protecting someone?"

Dixie gave him a half-hearted grin. "John, you got those horses, what, a couple of months ago right?"

"About that. Dix what's this …" Johnny began but she quickly held up her hand to halt his questioning.

"And what was it you said you intended to do after you got them?" She stared at his eyes seeing the wheels turning inside his memory.

"Ahh, I remember saying I needed to build a hay loft."

Dixie's smiled broadened. "And last week I asked you how the loft was coming…and what did you tell me?"

Johnny still wasn't following where she was heading with her questions but he answered her anyway. "That I haven't started it yet."

Joe couldn't stand it any longer. "Then Johnny, why in hell would she tell us she fell down the ladder from your hay loft?"

Johnny sat straight up pulling his shoulders back as his gaze darted rapidly between Dixie and Joe.

"She said WHAT?" He said a little louder than he'd intended.

Dixie was the first to speak up. "When she insisted that you leave the room, I admit, I thought she was gonna try to say you assaulted her. But once she kept insisting that she had spent the night in your hay loft to get out of the storm and then slipped and fell down your ladder…..well, all I can think of is that she didn't want you to counter her story."

John took a deep cleansing breath then leaned back into the sofa. He was still concerned about his job but now he was more confused than anything else.

"Dix, I don't know why she was in my barn…but." He hesitated with a hitch in his breath as he closed his eyes to continue his statement. "…but when I was out there this morning, she just ran out of my storage room so fast all I saw was a blur."

He opened his eyes and with a look of extreme remorse and softly shaking his head from side to side he continued. "When I grabbed her, all I could think of was that someone was trying to steal from me. I didn't even think and I sure as hell didn't see who it was… I just…..kept….punching."

Dixie and Joe watched Johnny struggle with what he was telling them. His description did match her injuries; certainly better than falling from a nonexistent hay loft.

John scrubbed his hands down his face trying to dry the tears he was trying desperately to keep from falling.

"Uh, listen Doc….I know you've got to do what you've got to do and…uh….just know that I understand and…."

"Whoa, slow down, John." Joe was looking at him with sympathy; he just realized why Johnny was so upset over the events of the morning.

"John, there's absolutely nothing to report you on. Is that what you're concerned about?"

Johnny looked Dr. Early in the eyes as he shook his head reluctantly. "Yea….Doc, I assaulted an unarmed little girl. I mean, I ain't as smart as you but, I know Headquarters is gonna fire me for this…or at least revoke my paramedic license."

Johnny stood quickly then as both Joe and Dixie watched him pace; one hand on his hip while the other moved around animatedly. "Ohhhh, and don't even get me started on what Brackett's gonna do."

"What's Brackett gonna do?"

All three heads turned at once to see Roy standing in the doorway; Kelly Brackett slightly behind him.

"Oh, uh…." Johnny stammered.

"Well, are you gonna answer my question or just stand there, Johnny?" Kel asked with a twitchy smirk on his face.

Johnny blew out his breath and sank back down on the couch. "Somebody please tell him."

Within the space of five minutes both Dr. Brackett and Roy were caught up on Alyssa Keener and her false statement that, oddly enough exonerated Johnny of any wrong-doing. The five of them sat baffled for several long minutes; each one trying to fill in the blanks.

Finally, Roy spoke up. "Johnny, I think the others are right. You're beating yourself up over something that wasn't your fault. I don't see any reason why HQ would even reprimand you."

"Besides, Johnny." Dixie's smoky voice caught his attention. "She isn't exactly a little girl. She's nineteen years old."

"What?" Johnny questioned. "No way."

"The date of birth she gave us was February 3, 1956. She didn't hesitate either. I mean, she has no identification but, I examined her and I don't doubt her age." Joe finished with a soft chuckle. "Maybe she just ages well."

Johnny looked around the lounge; he counted each person present to be his friend. He even counted Dr. Brackett as a friend now even though they certainly didn't start off as such. He began to feel himself relax, at least a little. _Ok, girl is alright, Brackett's not pissed off, cops haven't arrested me yet. I just might be ok. _ Then his paranoia made one final appearance.

"But what happens if later on she changes her story?" He asked sincerely.

"Then everyone would think she was blackmailing you for something." Dr. Brackett explained. "It's one thing for her to recant her story about you assaulting her…but if she recants her story that you DIDN'T do it, then says that you did…..she'll come across as a huge liar; no one will believe anything she has to say."

The group watched as Johnny's facial expressions changed from guilt and fear to relief and finally curiosity before he posed his question to the group.

"But why did she make up the story?"

No one had a good answer for him. Dixie did her best to answer for the group.

"Johnny, that's something she's gonna have to tell us."

The others voiced their agreement as they parted ways. After all, there was still an ER to run. Finally, only Roy and Johnny remained.

"Roy, how'd you know I was here?"

"Dixie called me." He said and watched his partner give him a knowing nod.

"Listen, I went by the station and talked to Cap and Dwyer. I've got it cleared for the C-shift paramedics to stay over for an hour or so. Um, why don't I go with you back to your place and get everything settled? I'm sure you left in a hurry." Roy turned hopeful eyes to his partner.

Johnny looked at his scuffed knuckles turning his hands over looking at both sides before he answered. "Uh, I'd…I'd appreciate that, Roy. I really would."

"Ok, gimme a minute to call Dwyer and let him know they won't have to stay over but a couple of hours at the most." He watched Johnny repeatedly staring at his hands and knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"Johnny, are you gonna be able to work this shift?"

Johnny inhaled deeply as his eyes looked up from his own hands to his partner's face. "Yea….yea, I'll a'right."

E!

Dixie and Joe were summoned by Dr. Brackett into his office as soon as they exited the lounge. Kel closed the door so that their conversation could be private. He propped with one hip on the corner of his desk as he looked at the other two.

"Well…..is there anything you know that you haven't told me? I kind of entered in the middle." He said moving his azure gaze from Joe to Dixie.

"Kel, it's the strangest thing. I mean, she acted like she was absolutely terrified of Johnny and refused to talk with him in the room. Now we all know that means she didn't want to talk in front of him; didn't want him to hear what she wanted to say." Dixie hesitated to take a breath and turned to Joe when he picked up where she left off.

"So the only logical explanation is that she didn't want him to tell the truth. She wanted us to believe her story instead. I just don't understand why?"

Kel pressed his lips into a thin line. "Well, I don't like it, not one bit. She was trespassing right?" He looked up waiting for confirmation before continuing.

"Johnny did, um, cause her injuries, right?" Again, the other two nodded in agreement.

Dr. Brackett hesitated for a moment with his chin between his thumb and forefinger; deep in thought. Then he relaxed the tension in his face as he stood up from his perch on the corner of his desk. "She's manipulating him."

"How so, Kel?" Joe asked.

"She doesn't want him to press charges against her for trespassing. She knows he feels guilty for assaulting her so she's made up this bogus story about what happened. She knows he'll be so grateful for what she's done that he'll be willing to just call it even." Dr. Brackett hypothesized; then mouthed a silent curse.

"You make a good point, Kel." Dixie looked up at him. "I just hope you're wrong."

"Yea, Dix…..so do I…..but these street-wise kids are pretty resourceful."

"Kel, you think she's homeless; a street urchin?" Joe gave his head an abrupt shake. "Never mind, no ID, dehydrated, malnourished and seeking shelter in a barn – of course she is."

"Joe, did you order a drug screen on her?" Kel questioned.

"Didn't think about it until thirty seconds ago." Joe announced standing up. "But I'm ordering it now."

"Junkie?" Dixie asked looking at both physicians.

"Possibly." Kel answered watching Dixie hang her head as she too stood.

"Well, if any of what we've mentioned in here is true then," she exhaled. "Poor, Johnny."

"John's a sensitive guy; especially for street kids." Joe spoke up.

"And cute young ladies." Kel mentioned with a smile.

"Like I said before." Dixie looked at her two favorite doctors. "Poor, Johnny." _She'll have her hooks in him before he knows what's happening. _


	11. Chapter 11

The Gage Secret-11

Dixie stood outside Alyssa's room trying to put aside the theory that the patient inside might not be the sweet young girl they had at first thought; and certainly not who John Gage thought her to be.

She inhaled deeply before lightly knocking on the door. She hesitated for a moment and then entered.

Alyssa lay sleeping; her injuries appearing worse now that the bruising was deepening. Her breathing was steady indicating she was still under the influence of the pain medication Dr. Early had prescribed for her in the emergency room.

"Alyssa? Alyssa, are you awake?"

A soft moan escaped through her swollen cut lip; her lips were dry and cracked. Dixie watched as her patient tried unsuccessfully to moisten her lips with her somewhat dry tongue. Her saliva seemed to have been replaced by cotton.

"Ah, umm…"

Dixie could tell that she wanted to say more but was unable to form the words.

"Looks like the pain meds are really doing a number on you, huh?" Dixie reached her slim fingers down and grasped Alyssa's hand.

"Can you squeeze my hand Alyssa?" She smiled when Alyssa complied.

"Ok, don't try to talk. Just squeeze my hand if the answer to my question is yes. Understand?" Again, she felt a light squeeze.

"Alright, are you in much pain?" Dixie waited until she was sure Alyssa had time to answer her.

"Well, that's good. We don't want you to be hurting. Now, are you thirsty?" She felt the quick squeeze.

"Do you think you can swallow some water if I hold the straw to your mouth?" Again, she felt the quick squeeze.

"Well, let's take care of that." She released Alyssa's hand turning to reach for the water pitcher but quickly returned her gaze when she realized that Alyssa was still gripping her fingers tightly.

"Alyssa, it's alright. I'm just gonna get you some water ok?" It took Alyssa a couple of seconds before she released her grip on Dixie's hand.

She watched Alyssa open her mouth when she felt Dixie tough her lips with the straw; frowning as the young woman gulped down the cooling liquid. She reached back down to take hold of Alyssa's hand again.

"More?" She felt the squeeze again although it didn't seem to exhibit the same sense of urgency it held previously.

Again, Dixie poured another cup of ice water and held the straw to Alyssa's dry lips while she drank her fill. She nearly finished the second cup before she released her suction on the straw. Dixie placed the back of her hand on Alyssa's forehead and then lightly grazed her bruised cheek.

"Hmmmm, I was afraid of that." She quickly retrieved a wash cloth and dampened it before patting it around on Alyssa's face.

Alyssa flinched when the cold wetness touched her.

"Easy now. You've got a fever. I'm going to check your temperature underneath your arm since you just drank cold water." Dixie saw her patient opening her eyes as much as she could with what appeared to be great effort. She gave Alyssa a smile as the young lady watched her.

Alyssa didn't protest anything Dixie asked of her. She was a very compliant patient; even with having her blood drawn.

"Ok, 101 degrees. I'm going to go talk to Dr. Early and let him know you have a fever. It's just your body's way of fighting your injuries so don't let it worry you. He'll give you something that'll make you feel better, alright?" Dixie reached for Alyssa's hand for her response but instead was rewarded verbally.

"K" was all Alyssa could manage but at least she had found her voice now that her mouth and tongue were no longer completely dry.

"I've got to get back to the emergency room but Charlotte, your floor nurse will see that you get whatever Dr. Early orders for your fever; shouldn't take long." She squeezed Alyssa's hand before continuing. "Now you try to go back to sleep because rest will really help."

Dixie turned to walk out the door; blood sample in her uniform pocket. She hesitated briefly feeling something tugging at her heart. _._

"Thnx" was all Alyssa could manage but Dixie understood immediately what she meant. _Seems like such a sweet girl. Johnny, please stay away from her. _

E!

Roy pulled his pick-up to a stop at John's house. He glanced over at his junior partner and felt a little relief to see him open his eyes.

"Nice nap, Johnny?"

"Nah, I couldn't sleep right now if I tried." John said as he exited Roy's vehicle and stood staring at his barn.

Roy walked around the front and leaned on the hood. "Johnny, come on. Let's go on in and make sure everything's secure."

Johnny cast a squint-eyed glance at his best friend then stepped out from behind the open door; slamming it shut as the two headed towards the barn.

"That where she was hiding?"

John looked at the storage room door which stood ajar. "Yea….yea, she just shot out of there like a bullet, man. I, uh…..well, if I'd've known she was a girl…"

"I know, Junior. But you're just gonna have to let it go. SHE was in the wrong; not you."

Johnny made no comment as he closed the door to the small room.

Stitches meowed softly while curling her limber body around Johnny's legs. "Hey, girl. It's ok now."

He reached down and gave the gray tabby a long slow stroke down her back and was rewarded with her soft purrs. Ever the jealous big sister, Patches nudged the side door a little with her nose; opening it up enough to allow her to enter the barn from the side. She bounded up to Johnny waiting for her usual scratch behind her ears. She wasn't disappointed but the attention was short lived.

"Sorry, girl…..no time to play. Gotta get things tended to here and then head to work."

Roy watched as John seemed to regain some of his composure. He seemed to step a little lighter as he walked around the inside of his barn locking the doors and making sure nothing was out of place. The last place he headed was the far side of the U-haul; the place where the fight had occurred. He glanced around at the shoe prints in the dirt near the side of the truck. Glimpses of the horrors that he'd perpetrated assaulted his memory; it was almost more than he could bear. Roy sensed his uneasiness and tried to engage him in conversation; hoping to force his mind to move on to other things.

"Johnny, both doors on the truck are locked. I doubt she got into the back either."

"I sure as hell hope not."

Roy began to feel better about John's attitude. He preferred that his partner get angry over the invasion of his space instead of allowing his remorse to control him. Roy wasn't paying attention to Patches as he silently celebrated John's small victory over his guilt; but Johnny was.

John leaned around the side of the U-haul; he'd caught a glimpse of Patches once again with her nose to the ground tracking something. He smirked at her realizing that she'd picked up Alyssa's scent.

"I know, girl. She wasn't supposed to be here was she?" He asked as though Patches understood and might answer him. He watched her paw at the ground beside the truck and then called her to follow him and Roy as they made their way out of the barn.

"Come on." He said then followed it up with a whistle.

Patches scratching motion on the ground turned up something shiny just as her master called to her; his voice more important than anything else to Patches. She perked her ears up and trotted out the door.

Forty-five minutes later, Roy pulled up to Johnny's rover at Rampart. "Thanks, Roy. I'll meet you at the station."

Roy nodded as John slammed the passenger's side door and then fished his keys out of his pockets. _Glad to see you coming around, Junior._

The drive from Rampart to Station 51 was a familiar one. Roy pulled into the back parking lot at the station and found Marco and Chet hanging hose. Both men knew something had happened at Johnny's house earlier and even Chet refused to comment as the two A shift paramedics waved their greetings and headed to the locker room.

Johnny and Roy were silent as they began changing into their blue uniforms. Roy wanted to give John some space but Johnny suddenly felt a need to talk.

"Ya know….I'm really confused, Roy."

"Well, we all are, Johnny. I wish we could figure her out but it still really doesn't make sense." He said turning to face his partner.

Johnny shook his head looking down at his shoes. "No, Roy. That's not what I'm confused about."

Roy waited knowing that the rest of John's thoughts would be revealed in his time. He didn't wait long.

"One minute, I'm mad as hell. I mean, she certainly was NOT invited to my place, you know?"

Roy wasn't sure whether the question was rhetorical or not.

"But then the next minute I'm thinking about how I'd feel if all I wanted to do was find a dry place to sleep for the night and some guy twice my size decided to beat the shit outta me for it." Johnny exhaled as he threw his boots into his locker and retrieved his black work shoes. He sat down on the bench and began putting them on while he continued.

"Roy, be honest. How should I feel? How would you feel?"

Roy thought carefully before he answered his partner. He had to choose his words wisely or risk sending John Gage into a downward spiral emotionally.

"Johnny, I can't really say how I'd feel. And I don't think there's a right way or a wrong way to feel either. Has anything like this ever happened to you before?" Roy knew that throwing Johnny's questions back at him was one way to help him talk himself through difficult situations.

Johnny sat on the bench with his elbows on his knees. Finally, he shook his head negatively. "No, no not exactly…but…..I do know how it feels to be alone at a young age; alone, scared and …"

When Johnny didn't finish, Roy spoke up. "And not having even your basic needs met…like food and shelter?"

Johnny squeezed his eyes shut tightly; willing the tears his memories were bringing up to remain in hiding. Finally, he responded to Roy with brevity.

"Yea…..that."

Roy placed a comforting hand on his partner's weary shoulder. "Junior, I know you went through some really tough times as a kid. And I feel so honored that you've trusted me enough to share some of that pain with me. But please, Johnny, I'm begging you….don't let what happened to you back then push you into some kind of a guilt trip now."

Roy waited for his words to sink in and then gave John one last thing to think about. "Alyssa is not a 9 year old John Gage in 1955. And you, my friend, are not a 19 year old Alyssa in 1975. Your circumstances are different and the two of you are two different people. Don't make the mistake of trying to rescue little Johnny Gage by falling for the young woman who is Alyssa Keener."

Roy quietly left the locker room to let the C-shift paramedics know that he and John had arrived; leaving a very quiet Johnny sitting with his head hanging down and alone in the locker room processing the profound statements of his partner.

E!

A/N: I really appreciate you sticking with me through this and especially for the encouraging reviews. Up until now, this story has been moving a little slowly but hang on; we're about to pick up speed.


	12. Chapter 12

The Gage Secret-12

"John, you alright?"

Johnny looked up at the sound of his captain's voice. He didn't know how long he'd been sitting alone in the locker room.

"Yea, Cap. I am…it's just, ah…..well….." He was at a loss for words. _How much does he know?_

"Roy filled me in on what happened and I want to make sure you understand, John; you didn't do anything wrong. I know you well enough to know that you're kicking yourself pretty badly right now but this young lady was trespassing on your property and you still don't know why."

Hank watched his youngest crew member continue to stare at the floor in front of him.

"She caught you off guard and you reacted; you reacted in the same way that any other man would have done." Hank hoped to get some kind of acknowledgement from his paramedic but instead he remained stoic on the bench in front of his locker.

"Well, take a few minutes to collect yourself and let me know if you need me for anything; and I do mean that, John."

Johnny finally looked up at his superior with tear-filled eyes. "Thanks, Cap…..and I do mean that too."

E!

"What?"

"I know, Kel. I thought the same thing. But, the results don't lie." Joe retrieved the lab results back from his friend and colleague.

Dr. Brackett stuck his hands in his lab coat pockets; inhaling deeply before continuing.

"Well, so much for my theory. I really thought we'd find something in her system."

Joe smiled at his frustrated friend. "I was just as surprised as you, Kel. It just doesn't make much sense but I'm all out of ideas. Maybe we should just take her at face value."

"I wish I could, Joe. But we've got one of the best paramedics in this state involved in this personally and I don't want to see her… trying to pull some stunt…the citizens of this county need John Gage. I just hope she'll leave him alone."

"I know …..but he's a big boy. He'll know if he's being played, Kel." Joe said reaching for the door knob in Dr. Brackett's office.

_I wish I could agree with you, Joe._

E!

The back doors of the ambulance opened and Roy stepped out and assisted the orderlies in removing the stretcher on which lay his elderly patient. He adjusted her nasal cannula and gave her a reassuring smile as they entered the emergency room doors. Quickly he glanced up scanning the parking lot for his partner who should have been right behind them in the squad. _Where are you, Junior?_

Fifteen minutes later he was standing at the nurse's station discussing Johnny with his favorite ER nurse.

"This is the third run we've had today and he's insisted I ride in with the patient each time."

"Roy," Dixie began with her smoky voice. "Maybe he just needs to settle down some before he trusts himself to handle a patient."

"That's what I'm afraid of, Dix. He needs to jump back in before he builds up some kind of mental block or something."

Dixie cast her pretty eyes downward. "Speaking of Johnny, where is he?"

"Well, that's the other thing. He's arriving much later than the ambulance. It's almost like he doesn't want to come in….." Roy let his voice trail off as understanding caused him to perk up.

"That's got to be it, Dix. He doesn't want to come in here. It's not the patients…..it's the ER."

"Or perhaps the ER staff? Doesn't want to be questioned about what happened?" She asked beginning to see where Roy was heading with his line of thinking.

"Or else he doesn't want to find out how she's doing….afraid she's changed her mind or…." He leaned over onto the desk; head hanging down.

"Or…Johnny may just be stronger and smarter than any of us realize. Maybe he's distancing himself from her." Dixie's eyes were bright with hope.

Suddenly the HT came to life. "Squad 51 to HT 51."

"HT 51. Go ahead." Roy said as he keyed up the microphone and waved to Dixie as he sauntered down the hall.

"Roy, I'm in the parking lot." Came the distinct sound of John Gage's voice.

Dixie watched as Roy made the left turn to exit the ER.

_Keep your distance, Johnny…..or she just might get the best of you._

E!

Alyssa sat up in bed; wincing as she shifted her position in an attempt to eat some of the food that had been brought to her for dinner. She really didn't have much of an appetite but she also knew she needed to consume any food that was brought to her. Once she left Rampart she had no idea where her next meal may come from.

Thoughts of leaving Rampart made her remember that she was wearing a hospital gown now; not the clothing she was wearing when…..well….when it happened. Now she wondered where her clothes might be…and more importantly….if her treasures might still be inside her pockets. She continued eating as her mind drifted back to all that had happened over the last six months. _How could my life have changed so much in such a short time?_

She finished up the last of her juice and soup; having been given a light dinner as her first meal. She thought back to the events of the morning. She had finally come face to face with him; but the face she saw was not the one she had expected or had hoped for. Tears began to sting her eyes as she remembered his fury. She relived being grabbed two-handed and thrown against the big truck in the barn and felt a rush of air escape her lungs as she remembered being slammed so hard against the side of the truck that she lost her breath. Then a fear much worse than her fear of John Gage enveloped her completely. _Oh No! Please…. _She reached shaky fingers to her throat and tried to grasp the necklace; the one item that meant more to her now than anything in the world. _No! No! Please let the nurse have it. Please!_

E!

Mike stood at the stove adding the finishing touches to his spaghetti sauce. It was his turn to cook and he was glad he'd brought the ingredients for one of Johnny's favorite meals. The men had all been briefed on what had happened this morning and they were well aware of how it had impacted the mood of their younger paramedic. _Maybe this will pick Gage up._

"Smells good, Mike." Roy commented as he and John entered the kitchen.

"Thanks, Roy."

Marco and Chet were finishing up the dicing for the salad while Cap was in his office completing paper work on the kitchen fire they'd been called to this morning at one of the local restaurants.

"Watch yourself there, Mike. Don't want a repeat of this morning."

Four sets of eyes stood in stunned silence as they focused on John Gage; happy to see his jovial personality returning.

Chet grinned beneath his mustache; unable to hold back from goading his favorite target.

"Yea, Mike." He began as he cast a smirk in John's direction. "Wouldn't be the first time this kitchen got a little smoked up."

"Oh very funny!" Johnny spoke as memories of burned homemade pizza flashed through his mind. That was when he had made up his mind to start cooking hotdogs and hamburgers when it was his turn to cook. He offered up his most mischievous grin as he made his way around to stand beside Chet Kelly.

He slapped him a little too hard on the back as he looked around the room. "Yep, very funny…..Chester the Pester."

Marco snorted out loud as he watched the expression on his fellow linemen change from confident to embarrassment. _Good one, Gage._

The rest of the men in the kitchen were chuckling as Cap made his way into the kitchen; encouraged at the sounds he heard coming from his men. "So, is it ready yet? I'm starved."

"All we need to do is set the table and we're ready, Cap." Came Mike's reply. He locked eyes with his Captain and the two shared an unspoken communication; each man glad to see their crew returning to normal.

E!

Alyssa lay in bed worrying about her situation. She realized that the more she fretted the worse her injuries seemed to feel. _Come on_, _ Alyssa. Pull yourself together. _Her damaging thought processes were interrupted when Charlotte, her nurse, came in for a vitals check and medication dispensing.

"Hi, feeling better since you ate?" Charlotte asked.

"Yes, thank you. Feeling more sore now though."

"Well, I've got something here for you that will help with that. Let me check your vitals first." Charlotte's friendly voice answered in a soothing tone.

Alyssa waited patiently as her temperature, BP and pulse were checked. She thought her fever was returning because she eyes were beginning to sting a little; and it felt different from the tears that had been stinging her eyes since the flood of memories had returned.

"Well, it's 100.2." Charlotte noted as she looked at the thermometer she held in her hands. She turned to the medication she had brought in to the room in a little white cup.

"Here you go, Alyssa." She handed the paper cup to her patient and then reached for the water pitcher.

Alyssa accepted the cup of water and washed down her medication. She then nervously looked at her nurse.

"Um, where are my clothes I was wearing when I came in?"

"They're in a bag in the bottom drawer of your nightstand here." Charlotte told her patient but she sensed there was something else bothering Alyssa.

"Anything else I can do for you before I go?"

"Ah, I was wearing a necklace too. Is it in there?" Alyssa's voice was raspy now and she felt a lump forming in her throat.

"Well, you were already wearing the gown when you made here to this floor but anything you had with you when you were brought in will be in that bag."

"Ok, thanks." Alyssa said. She was growing tired now and knew she needed to rest; feeling more assured that her precious belongings were safe.

E!

John was feeling better after having eaten. Roy had been right; resuming his routine had been the right thing to do. He and Roy were finishing up the dishes when he turned to him to ask him a question.

"Roy, if we have a quiet night, will you go with me back to Santa Barbara tomorrow to finish up with Aunt Kitty's apartment?"

Roy felt a flood of relief wash over him. "Of course, Junior. I'm still hoping those journals are going to give you the answer you're looking for."

"Me too." He responded drying the last of the dishes and putting them up in the cabinet. _Please let tonight be quiet. _

E!

Alyssa awoke with a start; momentarily disoriented until she remember where she was. She glanced at the clock in her room and noted it was four in the morning. She knew she wouldn't sleep again for a while so she decided to go through her belongings in the drawer.

She grimaced at the pain she felt as she raised the head of the bed enough to be able to reach the bottom drawer. She retrieved the plastic bag and then returned to her previous more comfortable position. Within a matter of minutes, she had gone through the pockets of her jeans and felt relief as her fingers found the ring and the letter; the treasures she had feared were lost. But her heart sank and tears fell like rain on her cheeks as her hands repeatedly groped the garments within the confines of the plastic bag. It wasn't there. The item that meant more to her than anything else; the necklace her father had purchased for her mother before Alyssa was even born.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Warning for strong language

The Gage Secret-13

Alyssa lay still in the darkness of her hospital room; grateful that the bed beside her was empty. Despair seemed to surround her like a cloak. _It must still be in his barn. _She inwardly cringed at the thought of him finding her necklace and tossing it aside like trash. The walls seemed to crowd her again just like they had when she was trapped inside that tiny room in John Gage's barn. Each breath seemed to be more difficult to inhale then the one before it. The darkness in her room continued to grow ever darker. Her tears continued growing ever closer to spilling. _I've got to get out of here. Soon!_

E!

Wake-up tones sounded and the men of station 51 began to stretch and groan. Each had been deep in slumber having had a relatively night. Johnny stretched his lanky body and swung his feet out from under the covers. He looked over at his partner who was pulling on his suspenders.

"Well, do you still want to go to Santa Barbara? I'm feeling pretty rested with only the one call last night." Roy looked over at his younger partner and was thankful that he appeared to have slept well too.

"Yea, Roy. If you're ok with it then I'd like to go back. There's not much left but we'll have to unload the U-haul first."

"You gonna leave her stuff in your barn while we go back for the rest or do you want to rent a storage unit?"

Johnny hadn't really thought about it until now. "Well, for now let's just leave it in the barn. I'll decide what to do with it later." He hesitated before he continued. "Uh, Roy….will Joanne be upset if you help me again on your day off?" Johnny loved Joanne and didn't want to do anything to cause tension in the DeSoto marriage.

"She'll be fine with it. She understands." Roy was grateful he had such a supportive wife who understood Johnny's situation. She thought of him as a younger brother and had told him so many times.

The men all wandered into the kitchen waiting patiently for their coffee to finish perking and their replacements to arrive; each one hoping that the klaxons would remain silent until their shift was finished.

E!

Two hours later Johnny arrived at his ranch to the welcoming site of Patches at her self-appointed guard post.

"Mornin' girl. Hope you had a quiet night too." He said patting his canine companion on the head before heading into his house for a shower.

Twenty minutes later John and Patches made their way out to the barn to take care of the rest of their family. John opened the door and was greeted by the soft meows of Midnight and Stitches. He went about preparing their breakfast and giving them their share of his attention before heading to care for his painted pair. He didn't notice that Patches had resumed her sniffing and snorting of his barn floor; the same activity and scent she had been called off of the previous morning.

E!

Roy drove up to John's ranch and saw that the barn doors were already open. _Well, that's a good start, Junior. _He figured his partner was anxious to get started unloading the truck so that they could head north to finish what they had to do with Katherine Gage's apartment.

"Ready to get started on this?" Roy asked when he finally saw Johnny coming back toward the truck.

"Oh you bet I am, Pally." Johnny said as he finished putting up his supplies while Roy bent down to scratch Patches on the head.

"I figured we could just put everything up against the wall over here. It should all fit nicely and still not be in my way." John placed both hands on his hips as he surveyed the wall he'd just referenced.

"You got the keys?"

At that question John fished into his front pocket and pulled out the key to the U-haul. It took nearly forty minutes to completely empty the truck and stack everything up against John's wall. Both men had a light sheen of sweat forming by the time the task was completed. Roy pulled down the rolling door at the rear of the truck as Johnny climbed into the driver's seat.

As Johnny cranked up the truck and began to ease it through the large double doors, something metallic caught Roy's attention. He reached down into the dirt and retrieved a gold necklace; the clasp still closed but the chain was broken. _Uh-oh, must have gotten caught on something while we were unloading and broke. _He held it tightly in his right hand as he watched the brake lights on the U-haul light up.

John pulled the U-haul out of the double doors of his barn while Roy called Patches out and secured the building. He climbed into the passenger's side and the two were on their way.

"Johnny, I found this on the floor inside the barn; I guess it got caught on something and broke. I'm sorry but I'm sure it can be fixed." He said handing the broken piece of jewelry to his partner.

Johnny turned it over in his hand. He'd never seen it before but felt sure it didn't belong to his Aunt Kitty. She preferred sterling silver jewelry; he'd never even seen her wear anything else.

"Roy, what kind of pendant is this? I've never seen anything like it before."

"It looks Celtic doesn't it? But I'm not an expert on jewelry so don't hold me to that." Roy smiled as he spoke.

"Uh-oh, Roy do you think its Alyssa's? I mean, anything related to Native American culture and in sterling silver, well, I'd know it was Aunt Kitty's. But this is gold and if it's Celtic, well, it doesn't belong to Katherine Gage." Johnny looked at Roy.

"You think we should call the hospital and let them ask her if she's missing a piece of jewelry?" Roy worried that John's guilty conscience might wake up over this.

John sat staring at the road in front of them, thinking intently. Finally, he gave his head a slight negative shake. "Nah, I don't think so, Roy. What if she did break into the truck and found this? It would be the only piece of gold she found so she might have stolen it. Man, I couldn't stand it if she stole it from Aunt Kitty and then I accidently gave it back to her."

Roy cast his partner a quick glance. "Yea, I see your point."

"Nope, I'm not gonna tell her anything about this piece. I'm just gonna keep it. And if it's hers …..that's just tough…she shouldn't have come onto my property anyway." Johnny heard himself speaking the words but his heart just didn't believe them. He was already feeling a little guilty for holding on to something that he felt sure had belonged to Alyssa. The way he'd attacked her could have easily caused the necklace to break and Roy had found it near where the truck had been parked; right where the fight had taken place. The more he thought about it the more convinced he was that Alyssa was the owner of the necklace; or at least the person who wore it last. In the back of his mind he felt certain that she was a thief. There was no other reason for her to have been in his barn without his permission. But he also knew something else. He knew that if he saw her or talked to her again, his guilty feelings would overwhelm him and he didn't know what he might do. He placed the necklace in his shirt pocket and let his mind move on ahead to the task that lay ahead.

Roy saw warring emotions displaying themselves on his young partner's face. He knew that Johnny was grappling with his guilt for what he'd done to Alyssa and his anger at her for trespassing. He decided he needed to shift the focus off of Alyssa and onto something else.

"Did that package arrive yet?"

"Huh, what package?" Johnny had completely forgotten the package that the unknown female had allegedly sent him from her parents.

"You remember, the one Mr. McIlwain asked me about?" Roy prompted.

"Oh yea….I mean no, I haven't gotten it. I really need to ask him about that." Johnny remained curious but had to admit that with all the other excitement he'd been experiencing, the package that the girl had been returning to his Aunt Kitty just didn't seem all that important.

They continued to travel in companionable silence; Roy hoping Johnny would open up and talk a little about all that had happened to him in the last few weeks. When he didn't, Roy decided to prod him a little.

"Johnny, have you had any more , uh, visitations recently?"

Roy watched John shake his head. "Nah, I really don't know why either. I mean, if she wanted me to know something but I still don't know it, then why has she quit coming to me? _Unless it was just me going nuts and not her spirit after all._

E!

John turned into the apartment complex in Santa Barbara and pulled into the closest parking space near Katherine's apartment. Roy noticed that Johnny nearly ran to the apartment door and quickly unlocked it and entered. Roy also noted that as the two of them entered her living room, John never slowed down; he headed straight to the guest bathroom in her hallway.

"Whew." He exhaled as he saw that the journals he'd forgotten on their previous trip were still stacked neatly on the back of the toilet. He picked them up and made his way hurriedly past Roy.

"I'm not gonna forget these this time." He said heading back out to the U-haul and placing the journals on the dash of the driver's side. He then stepped around to the back and pulled up the rolling door. As he came back around the side of the truck he nearly bumped into Roy carrying one of Katherine's nightstands.

"Ooh, sorry, Roy."

"It's alright. Let me get this in the back and I'll go back and help you get the bigger pieces." Roy explained.

It only took a couple of hours to load the remaining items into the back of the truck.

"Uh, before we leave, let me see if Mr. McIlwain is here. Maybe he knows more about this package I'm supposed to get. I need to give him the apartment key anyway." John said heading to the office.

Much too quickly, he came walking back to the truck. Roy knew immediately that Mr. McIlwain must not have been in.

"Aahh, he's out for the rest of the day. His wife took the keys but she didn't know anything about the package. I left my phone number so hopefully he'll call."

Roy noticed that Johnny seemed particularly antsy; he was normally hyperactive but today more so than normal. Then he caught a glimpse of the journals on the dash in front of Johnny.

"Uh John, want me to drive so you can begin looking through those journals?" Roy offered just as John shut the driver's side door.

Johnny hesitated for a moment but then looked over at his best friend. "You don't mind?"

"Of course not, Junior. I know you need answers; you need to know what was so important to her that she had to see you in person to tell you about it. It'd drive me crazy so I know it's making you nuts."

Johnny gave a sheepish grin then looked back at the journals. Returning his gaze to Roy, he saw sincerity in his blue eyes.

"I'd really appreciate that, Pally." He commented reaching for the journals and stepping back out of the door.

Mile after mile passed and Johnny's nose never lifted from Katherine's journals. Roy heard sniffles several times and caught glimpses of him wiping his eyes and cheeks but never asked any questions. He knew that if John wanted to explain what he was reading then he'd tell him. The information written in Katherine's journals was private and probably never meant to be read by anyone other than her. He hoped that nothing John read would taint his opinion of his aunt.

Just as Roy turned onto the road that Johnny's ranch was on he nearly ran off the road at the sound of Johnny's shout.

"Fuck!"

Roy slammed on the breaks sending both of them pitching forward then slamming back into their seats when their seat belts stopped their forward movement. Roy looked around and realized that there was no immediate danger.

"John, what the hell was that all about? You nearly made me wreck!" Roy chastised and then immediately felt bad for raising his voice at his partner when he turned in the seat to look him squarely in the eyes.

Johnny's hands were noticeably trembling; his voice catching on the huge lump in his throat while his eyes grew wider and began to spill over with tears.

"No, it just can't be….."


	14. Chapter 14

The Gage Secret-14

"Johnny…..Johnny what's wrong?" Roy pulled the truck over to the edge of the road and slammed it in park.

Johnny sat staring at the purple and floral journal of Katherine Gage; particularly at the final few entries. Roy watched sweat beads pop out on his forehead as he read and reread the final entries. He wasn't sure what to do but he had to calm himself down before he could begin to calm down his partner; Johnny's colorful outburst had triggered the release of a huge amount of adrenaline in Roy's system.

Johnny balled up his fist and pressed it firmly against his upper lip; looking like he was stifling a yawn. He swallowed several times trying to find his voice and then gulped in a breath of air before he started explaining himself to his curious partner.

"R, uh.." Johnny cleared his throat and then tried again once he had successfully forced his tears back into their hiding place.

"Roy, I…..I know."

"Know what, Junior?"

"I know what she was coming down here to tell me….and I understand why she wanted to tell me face to face instead of over the phone."

Roy continued watching his partner with grave concern. He'd lost all color in his normally youthful complexion and he was continuing to tremble and shiver. His breath began to hitch and Roy began to fear he'd hyperventilate. He placed a consoling hand on his partner's shoulder hoping to ground him.

"Johnny, I know it's none of my business but…..I'm here…..if you want to talk." He squeezed Johnny's shoulder.

Roy felt relief wash over him when Johnny's chin rose and his chocolate brown eyes met his own blue ones.

"I, uh….I'm gonna need help with this one, Roy." Johnny said slowly shaking his head in affirmation to Roy's offer to let him talk.

"Ok, look why don't we go on over to your place and unload this stuff and then we'll talk, alright?"

Johnny hesitated briefly. "Roy, I know this may sound strange but can we go over to your place to talk? I'd, ah, well, I'd like Joanne's opinion on this if she doesn't mind discussing it."

Roy quickly went through various scenarios that might require Joanne's opinion and none made sense to him. "Of course, Johnny. You know Joanne loves you and will do anything for you."

Johnny gave a gentle nod as he continued to stare into nothingness; his mind was already looking ahead at the conversation he'd be sharing with his best friend and surrogate sister.

Roy cranked the truck back up and eased it back onto the highway; the remainder of the journey made in total silence as Johnny hugged Katherine's journals tightly to his abdomen. _ Aunt Kitty, why didn't you tell me? I would've understood. I would've helped you. I would've been there for you the way you were there for me. _

After the two of them emptied the U-haul of the final items from Katherine's apartment, Johnny took care of his animals and then went inside for a shower. While Johnny was doing that, Roy called Joanne to fill her in on what had transpired.

"Honey, of course, bring Johnny over and let's get to the bottom of this. I've seen him since this whole thing started and he's hurting. If talking to the two of us will help then that's what I want to do too."

"Jo, you think your sister can take the kids for the night? I don't have the foggiest idea what this entails but whatever it is, it's made Johnny an emotional train wreck." Roy glanced down the hallway toward his partner's bedroom; glad that his door remained shut so that he hadn't heard Roy's description of his current state.

"Sure. I'll give her a call and then drive them over. Why don't I pick us up some pizza and beer while I'm out?" She knew both men needed to eat; and depending on how this went, they may all need something to drink as the night progressed.

"Jo, I love you more and more every day." Roy said wishing his wife was right beside him now so he could wrap his strong arms around her.

"I love you too, honey. Make sure Johnny packs a bag. Sounds like he doesn't need to be alone tonight."

"I will, Jo. Thank you, Baby." Roy whispered into the phone; his voice nearly cracking with emotion.

"I'll see you two real soon." Roy heard Joanne say.

"Bye, Sweetheart."

"Bye, Honey."

E!

When Charlotte came on duty she was surprised to learn that her young patient in room 227 was no longer at Rampart. She read the discharge notes in her chart and gave an exasperated huff.

"What were you thinking, Alyssa?" She spoke to herself as she read that Alyssa Keener had been discharged against medical advice. Alyssa had given her no reason to think she was contemplating something like that. She noted that Dr. Early had been her doctor and she knew that if anyone had an inside scoop on why Alyssa would leave AMA then it was her friend Dixie McCall.

Charlotte picked up the phone and dialed the nurse's station in the emergency room.

"Rampart Emergency, Nurse McCall speaking."

"Dix, hi it's Charlotte. Um, what happened to my patient in 227? I see where she left AMA." Charlotte's curiosity was evident in her tone.

"Oh, her. I don't know, Charlotte. Joe mentioned to me that he'd been called up there because she was insisting that she be released. He said she was kinda teary but wouldn't say why she wanted to leave." Dixie hesitated momentarily before continuing. "We were kinda hoping she'd said something to you."

"No, I'm afraid not. She was a perfect patient actually. Compliant. Didn't complain about anything. She was really pleasant to be around." Charlotte's voice was a little choppy as she searched her memory for anything that might have caused her to leave before she was healthy enough to be released.

"Yea, well. She has a way of getting to your heart but…." Dixie wondered if she needed to reveal her thoughts. She decided she'd already started and might as well finish. "Well, there's just something there that I don't trust, Charlotte."

"Oh? I didn't get that from her. Um, you think she went back to the guy who, uh, sent her here in the first place?" Charlotte feared that the young lady had chosen to return to an abusive situation.

"No, Charlotte. No I can guarantee you that she didn't." Dixie wanted to elaborate but knew she couldn't without betraying her friend.

"Really? How can you be so sure?" Charlotte's curiosity was getting the best of her now.

"Well, I happen to know who did that to her and although I can't say who it was, I can say that there is no way he's gonna have another shot at her." Dixie hoped that was enough to quiet Charlotte's concern.

"Well, that's good news. Did Social Services pay her a visit?" Charlotte asked in a hopeful voice.

"Yes, Joe got her to agree to talk with one of the social workers while he was preparing her discharge papers. I think she was sent to a women's shelter or a homeless shelter on the north side of town. I know Joe prescribed only a few pain pills for her since those shelters are notorious for women stealing from each other." Dixie said in a low smoky voice.

"Yea, but it's better than being a punching bag for some SOB." Charlotte said.

Dixie smiled when she heard Charlotte's description of Alyssa's assailant. Charlotte just couldn't bring herself to swear. "So true, Charlotte."

Charlotte was winding down the conversation when she thought about her last conversation with Alyssa. "Say, Dixie, did you happen to notice if she was wearing a necklace when she was brought in? She seemed really concerned about that last night. I told her everything she came in with was in her bag but she just seemed really worried about her necklace."

Dixie drew her eyebrows together as she tried to remember removing any jewelry from Alyssa. "No, she wasn't wearing any jewelry when she came in."

"Oh, that's sad. Guess it might've fallen off in the ambulance…..or…during her attack." Charlotte mentioned.

Dixie winced at the mention of an 'attack' knowing that the perpetrator was one of her favorite paramedics. "Yea, maybe so."

"Well, I've got medication to dispense. I'll talk to you later, Dixie."

"Take care, bye." Dixie hung up the phone; now she was more convinced than ever that Alyssa was a fraud. _She's gonna try to blame us for losing her necklace. _

E!

Johnny walked behind Roy as they entered the DeSoto residence; his duffle bag hanging over his shoulder with Katherine's journals tucked safely inside.

"Jo's gone to take the kids to her sister and then she's gonna pick us up some pizza and beer on her way back." Roy explained.

"Roy, I…I just can't thank you two enough."

"Hey, Junior, you're family and families take care of each other. We're here for you, man. We've got from now until this time tomorrow to talk through this." Roy said but saw a distinctive wince on John's sad features. He had no idea what he'd said but he'd obviously touched a nerve.

"Hey, make yourself at home while I go get a shower and change. Jo should be back by the time I get out." Roy called over his shoulder as he headed to the bedroom he shared with his wonderful wife.

"A'right. Thanks." Johnny called back. He took his duffle to the spare bedroom that he so often occupied. While he waited for Jo and Roy to join him in the living room he began looking around at all their pictures in their home. A professional family portrait adorned the mantle above the fire place. Various pictures of important events dotted other areas; a wedding picture, the birth of each child, vacations pictures many of which included Johnny. Suddenly feeling Katherine's loss even more strongly he hung his head as he sat down on the sofa; journals carefully placed on the coffee table.

He jerked his head up and fought back the fog of his reverie when he heard a car door slam. He knew it was Joanne and he walked out to help her with the groceries. He made it to the car before she overloaded herself and when their eyes locked they were both a little teary. He leaned over and placed a kiss on Jo's cheek as he reached for the heavy bag of beer and soda.

"Thanks, Johnny. I've got the pizza." She said reaching back into the passenger's side of the car.

"I can't thank you enough, Jo." He said speaking around the huge lump in his throat. _You and Roy are much too good to me._

He held the door open for her and then stepped into the kitchen himself just as she placed the pizza on the counter. "Come here, Johnny." She met him in the middle of the kitchen and wrapped her arms around him. She heard him sniffle a little and then relax as she rubbed his back.

Roy walked in pulling a t-shirt over his head; completely comfortable with the display of emotions taking place between his wife and his partner. He knew how the two of them felt about each other and he was glad for it.

"Thought I smelled pizza." Roy said with a grin as he gave his wife a kiss. "Let's eat and then we'll have as long to discuss this as you need, Johnny."

"Thanks, Roy. It's gonna take a while to explain it all."

E!

A/N: Ok, I know everyone wants to yell at me right now but I had to set it up right? I promise that there will be many answers in the next chapter. I will post as soon as I can. Thank you to everyone who is still hanging in here with me and a special thank you to all those who have left reviews. Your words keep me going. THANK YOU!


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: This chapter is a little longer than usual but there was a lot of information that needed to be included and I didn't want to break it up into two chapters. For those who have been waiting and sticking with me on this story I want to say a huge THANK YOU and here's some answers to your questions. I especially want to thank you for the reviews and PM's. They have kept me updating so quickly.

The Gage Secret-15

Johnny pulled several tissues from the box Joanne had so thoughtfully brought into the living room after they'd finished their pizza. He had only just started sharing the details when Joanne's eyes became teary. That was all it took to make Johnny cry as well.

"Orphan trains?" Joanne questioned.

"Ah, yea. It seems my great grandfather, Benard Gage, decided that it was cheaper to 'adopt' than it was to pay ranch hands. Every time he earned a little money he'd buy up more land." Johnny said staring at his hands.

"But, Johnny, I mean, don't take this the wrong way but I thought your family was poor. Sounds like your great grandfather was quite a business man." Roy said, not really sure what to say and he certainly didn't want to step on his partner's toes.

"Huh," Johnny huffed as he hesitated momentarily before beginning again. "He was sneaky and more of a slave owner than a businessman."

"Slaves? I'm afraid I don't follow you, Junior."

"Ok, Orphan Trains ran for decades up through 1929 bringing street kids, orphans, from the East Coast like New York City, out West to be adopted. As always, younger kids got adopted first and older kids last. Great Grandpa decided to adopt some of the older boys. He didn't exactly want to give them loving homes though. He wanted to give them jobs – without pay. " Johnny shook his head at the thought. "Hell, one of 'em he never even legally adopted."

"Well, at least they weren't homeless anymore." Joanne could tell her friend was having serious doubts about his Gage ancestor.

"They got steady meals and a little clothing out of the deal. Not much if you ask me." Johnny wiped his nose with the tissues he held crumpled in his hands. He had to keep going or he'd never get through with all he had to tell them.

"Anyway, Benard took in a boy who was about 10 years old at the time. His name was Paul O'Malley and he was on one of the last Orphan Trains that came through; around 1928. He was an Irish kid from New York City and he was alone; no siblings. Paul was the one Benard never got around to legally adopting."

Roy and Joanne sat in silence hoping that the story Johnny was telling would somehow make sense soon. Roy reached for his beer and emptied the bottle. "I'm gonna get another one. What about you, Johnny?"

"Uh, yea, I'd like that."

Joanne reached over to the chair Johnny was sitting in and squeezed his arm. "You're doing great, Johnny. Just take your time."

Johnny smiled at her then reached up to take the proffered beer from Roy. "Thanks, man."

Both men opened their drinks and Johnny continued.

"So, anyway, my grandfather, Richard who was Benard's son and Katherine's father hated what his Dad was doing. He saw it as nothing more than slavery." Johnny's breath hitched. He cleared his throat and continued.

"He and Benard had a very heated argument over the whole thing and Richard decided to ask for his share of the ranch and separate himself from what was going on." Johnny cringed as he realized he'd left out part of his story.

"Oh, and Aunt Kitty spent a lot of time at her grandparents house and she and little Paul became friends and playmates."

Joanne smiled at the thought of the two children playing together on the ranch.

"Ok, fast forward a few years. Paul and Aunt Kitty don't see each other as much anymore because he's being used to work instead of going to school." Johnny cast his eyes on the condensation of the bottle he was holding; thinking how the drops of moisture sliding down the side looked a lot like tear drops.

"They'd still meet up in the barn and other places around the ranch when they could; when Paul was given a break. Then, one day Aunt Kitty heard horrible sounds coming from inside the barn. She sneaked over to a small knot hole and peered inside. She saw Benard," Johnny gulped, "beating poor Paul with a whip."

Joanne felt hot tears stinging her eyes and burning streaks onto her flushed cheeks. Johnny couldn't bring himself to look at her when he heard her sniffling. He pushed the tissue box her way. "I'm sorry, Jo."

"No, no…..keep going, Johnny." She managed to whisper as Roy pulled her into a sideways hug. She reached over and clutched his free hand giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Aunt Katherine was crying when she ran home and told her mother what she'd seen. Grammy, uh that was Grandpa Richard's wife, Annette Gage, was furious. That was kinda the last straw. That's when Richard and Benard had their, uh, disagreement."

Johnny's mouth was getting dry. He took a long drink from his beer then wiped his eyes before he continued.

Benard took his share of the ranch, which really wasn't a lot, and he packed up his family and left. But, before he did, he arranged to take Paul with them. I mean, the kid had nobody you know?" Johnny thought for a moment how Paul must have felt. He had felt those same emotions before and knew they hurt like hell.

"Oh geez, this is taking too long." He moaned as the clock in the DeSoto kitchen chimed out eleven pm.

"No it isn't Johnny. Now we told you to take your time. We've got all night." Joanne consoled him as she made her way into the kitchen to retrieve a soft drink for herself. She returned momentarily and sat back on the sofa beside Roy; curling her legs underneath her and leaning into his strong muscular body.

Johnny nodded his thanks as he continued. "For several years, Aunt Kitty and Paul had a secret love affair. Paul was treated as more of an employee and was given a small wage in exchange for his services. They both knew that they couldn't make their love for each other known to the rest of the family because Paul was considered to be an Uncle because he had been 'adopted' by Benard; even though it was never legal."

"Oh poor kids," Joanne crooned. She thought of how much she loved Roy and how upset she'd be if she had not been allowed to marry him.

"So, Aunt Kitty never married as you know. My father and Aunt Louise were younger but they both married and left home before Aunt Kitty. So, to keep her from becoming an old maid, Grandpa Richard decided to arrange a marriage for her."

"Oh dear Lord." Roy spoke up finally. "This was what, in the 1950's?"

"Yea, and he arranged for her to marry an older widower with several kids of his own. He owned some land and would be able to support her well."

"But she didn't love him." Joanne piped up. "What was he thinking?"

"He was thinking that he didn't want his daughter to end up being an old maid…..or that perhaps she wasn't interested in marriage at all." Johnny whispered in a low voice; then glanced up to his two friends hoping he wouldn't have to spell it out for them.

"Huh?...Oh,….I see." Joanne said finally understanding what Johnny meant. Roy was a little bit slower but when understanding dawned on his face then Johnny continued.

"Ok, that gets us up to the mid 1950's." Both Roy and Joanne noticed that his trembling and teariness began again.

"She refused to marry him and this caused somewhat of a rift between her and her parents. Then…" Johnny hesitated; closed his eyes then inhaled deeply and started up again.

"Before my parents, ah, died, " he gulped and both of the DeSotos noted that he was struggling to continue without losing control of his emotions.

"Ah, Aunt Kitty discovered she was pregnant; the baby was Paul's. They both thought that now her parents would allow them to marry but they were furious instead."

"But," Joanne interrupted. "But they were both adults so they could've gotten married without your grandparents approving right?"

"Technically, yes but they didn't want her to be disowned by her parents. Plus, he had no marketable skills other than what he knew how to do on the ranch. He was never educated. He'd be fired and once word got out that he'd gotten his boss' daughter pregnant…well, he'd never find a job again. But, remember the main scandal here was that Paul was considered her uncle. I mean, my Dad and Aunt Louise called him Uncle Paul from the time they were little kids. Plus, my parents were devastated because he was Irish. Irishmen were considered slouches and drunkards."

"Oh that just really…." Joanne bit her tongue as she realized she was about to say some really ugly things about John's family.

Roy squeezed her shoulder in an effort to calm her down. "Go ahead, Johnny. I know this is hard but please continue."

"Paul was dismissed from his job on the ranch once Richard found him another one in another city. He told Aunt Kitty that he'd send for her once he got established and they had planned to elope." Johnny scrubbed his face with his free hand. "But, his horse was startled by a rattlesnake on the ranch before he left and he was thrown off; broke his neck when he hit the ground."

Joanne gasped and brought her fingers up to quickly cover her mouth as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "You mean…..he didn't…."

"Yea, he did, Jo. He died on October 1, 1955."

Roy set his empty bottle down on the coffee table and leaned forward toward his partner. "That was just a couple of months before your parents were killed right?"

Johnny looked down at his shaky hands and nodded; audible words were beyond his abilities at that moment.

"Johnny," Jo began, "what happened to Katherine and the baby?"

Roy watched John's adams apple move up and down and knew he was struggling to continue. "Take your time."

"She, ah, she and Grammy traveled to New York where she stayed until she delivered the baby. She never held her child; never knew if it was a boy or a girl." Johnny began to weep then and Joanne went to him; sitting on the arm of the chair and pulling him into her sisterly embrace.

When he caught his breath, he continued. "That's why she and Grammy didn't come to the funeral for my folks. I was told that it was because Grammy was ill and Aunt Kitty was taking care of her." He looked up at Joanne and then back at Roy. "I was lied to."

Another few minutes passed and Johnny stood up. "I've gotta take a bathroom break."

When he'd finished relieving himself of the beer he'd consumed, he splashed water on his face hoping to collect himself up enough to continue. He dried his face and then returned down the hallway to the living room. He found that Joanne had returned to Roy's side.

"I think this is one of the things that hurts me the most about my grandmother." Johnny said looking at both of his friends and finding compassion in their eyes. "There I was, just a little kid…..parents dead…..and keeping this damned family secret was more important than attending her son's funeral or taking care of me; her own grandson."

Roy and Joanne hadn't expected this outburst from Johnny but his anger at his grandmother was obvious; and totally understandable.

Johnny stood up and began pacing trying to stop the rage he was feeling from bubbling over. Finally he spun around and with one hand on his hip and using his other to emphasize his anger, he started. "She let me be taken in by that…that….MONSTER!" He inhaled deeply before continuing.

"He did some despicable things to me…..and then Aunt Louise's baby died…on my birthday and he didn't care and ….and….Grammy and Aunt Kitty didn't come to the funeral….and…then a few months later Grammy had a stroke and died and…then….on my 13th birthday….Aunt Louise was so depressed…it was the one year anniversary of her baby dying and..and she…she…killed herself."

Johnny broke down then and collapsed to his knees on the floor. In a flash, Joanne was on one side and Roy was on the other trying to console him. He was gasping for breath in between sobs and Roy could tell he was emotionally exhausted.

"Come on, Johnny. Let's get you to bed so you can rest. We understand now why…."

Johnny jerked his head up and fixed Roy with his dark eyes. "No, Roy….no you don't understand."

"What is it, sweetheart?" Joanne said looking into Johnny's eyes and using her dainty fingers she brushed stray hair from his forehead and tears from his face.

"You don't know the things that fuckin' bastard did to me during those four years." He said through clenched teeth. "But that's not the worst part."

_Dear God, what else?_ Joanne hoped she could handle whatever else Johnny had to reveal to them.

"What's the worst part, John?" Roy continued knowing he needed to push just a little more to help Johnny get to the end.

"Alyssa Keener." He said closing his eyes and letting the tears squeeze out and burn his face. "Alyssa is the daughter her parents made her place for adoption."

Joanne let out an audible gasp and looked at Roy; he was just as stunned as she was. They returned their attention to the shivering sobbing man who was now crouching on the floor of their living room. "Alyssa had found her…..and Aunt Kitty wanted me to meet her …..but she wanted to tell me in person."

Joanne ran her hand over Johnny's upper back in soothing circles encouraging him to catch his breath.

"Aunt Kitty wanted me to accept her into our family….and I…..she's….." He couldn't say the words.

Roy knew what he wanted to say and completed his thought for him. "And now she's in Rampart instead and you're blaming yourself, right?"

Johnny's chin sank back down to his chest. He couldn't hide his shame for what he'd done. His head kept telling him it wasn't his fault but his heart didn't believe that. Guilt coursed through his veins pulling the very life out of him and breaking his heart in the process. He began to shake uncontrollably and Roy moved into full paramedic mode.

"Easy Johnny. Lay down for me alright." Roy eased Johnny onto his back from his kneeling position. His knees remained bent as Roy placed a calming hand on his chest.

Johnny heard Joanne say she'd get him a cool cloth. He raised his hands up to cover his face; no longer able to maintain any semblance of control over his emotions.

"Slow breaths, Junior. Slow breaths."

Joanne returned and reached up to gently pull Johnny's hands from his face. He allowed her to guide his hands down to his sides and then relished the sensations of her bathing his burning face with the cool moist cloth.

Once his breathing was back under control somewhat, he spoke back up. "I've…I've got to try to see her at Rampart. I've….I've got to tell her how sorry I am…that I didn't know."

"Sshhh, Johnny. You can do that tomorrow, alright. Just relax right now." The voice of Joanne softly spoke to him.

"I…I can't…." Johnny's words came out in a painful staccato. "I…can't…do it…I..can't face….face her alone…please…..please , will you help…..me?"


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Just a short chapter today. Hope you enjoy and thank you for continuing with me on this journey.

The Gage Secret-16

Johnny woke up with a pounding headache and very swollen eyes. "Damn, I feel hung over!" He mumbled as he rolled over in the DeSoto's guest bed; also known as 'Uncle Johnny's bed.' He thought he heard sounds coming from the kitchen and he knew he smelled coffee. Pulling himself out of bed and making himself presentable, he made his way down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Roy, I've never seen Johnny so upset before." Joanne looked at her husband over the rim of her coffee cup and she drew her first sips of the morning.

"I know, Jo." Roy spoke softly reaching for his own mug of fresh coffee. "I had no idea this was such an emotional thing for him. But, now I get it."

"Well, we've got to do what he's asking of us. I don't know exactly what I'll say to her but I sure want to be there to act as a bridge between them." Jo cast her eyes downward as she placed her cup on the table and reached for Roy's hand.

"Oh of course we will." He said giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

Johnny padded up the hall looking ragged. "Mornin'" he mumbled staggering into the kitchen and heading for the coffee pot.

A snicker escaped Joanne's lips before her delicate hand could reach up and stop it. "Jo-Johnny…you look like one of our kids just waking up." She couldn't help herself. Johnny looked so child-like with his mussed up dark hair standing up in tufts all over his head.

"Thanks, Jo." He managed with a yawn while pouring himself a cup of black coffee before taking a chair at the table.

"Johnny, we can go over to Rampart any time you're ready." Roy began wanting to make sure his younger partner knew that he and his wife were still supportive.

Johnny closed his swollen eyes as he gulped the first of his coffee. He opened them again after swallowing and glanced wearily back and forth between his two friends. "You think I'm being ridiculous don't you?"

"Absolutely not, Junior." Roy was taken aback by the comment.

"Why would you say that?" Joanne asked honestly. "Did we say or do something wrong?"

Johnny set his cup down and clasped his hands together. "No…look, I'm sorry. I'm just not myself, I guess. I'm….well, nervous I suppose. I still remember how she was looking at me; how afraid she was of me. I don't ever want to see that look again, ya know?"

Johnny's comment triggered a question that Roy had thought of the previous night but didn't have the opportunity to ask. "Have you figured out yet why she was in your barn? I mean, how'd she find you and why did she find you?"

Johnny stared at his coffee cup. He seemed to be lost deep in thought as he unconsciously ran his index finger around the rim of his cup. "I dunno, Roy." He said shaking his head.

"Well, why don't I cook us all some breakfast and then let's head on over there and see if she'll tell us, ok?" Joanne said as she stood up and headed towards the refrigerator for some eggs and bacon.

"Thanks, Honey."

"Yea, thanks, Jo…both of you…for everything."

E!

Alyssa rolled over on the cot she'd slept in at the shelter. She nearly yelped at the pain she was feeling all over. She looked around briefly at her surroundings; the elderly bag lady on her left and the obvious drug addict on her right. She looked at her dirty clothing and shuddered. _What did I do so wrong to end up here? _

She pulled herself up slowly and made her way to the communal bathroom. She needed a shower and a change of clothing. She'd been here before and knew the routine. She'd talk to one of the volunteers who would dig through donations of clothing and find a couple of outfits for her. Then she'd put the extra clothing in her backpack and…_my backpack! Where's my backpack? _

Her head was throbbing as she ran through the events of the last few days. She'd had it when it started to rain. Then she'd sneaked into John's barn and …._Oh no! It's still in his barn!_ She remembered using it as a pillow the night she spent trapped inside that tiny room. _Did he find it? Did he throw it away? _She felt the warm water running across her naked and bruised body as she stepped inside the shower and let her tears mingle with the steaming water. She looked down and watched as the water, suds and her tears flowed down the drain; thinking how similar her life and dreams were…..just slowing flowing down the drain.

E!

Dixie poured herself a cup of coffee in the lounge and headed back out to the nurse's station. She'd been briefed on what had come in during the night by her colleague and now felt ready to face her day.

"Hey, Dix."

She looked up quickly, coffee cup at her lips, to see the person to whom the familiar voice belonged.

"Hey, yourself." She said with a grin.

She looked at the trio standing before her. "What brings the three of you here; especially since two of you are off duty."

Johnny gave her a sheepish grin through his still somewhat swollen eyes. "I, uh, we.."

Roy picked up on Johnny's discomfort and continued for him. "We're here to see Alyssa."

Dixie tried not to smile when she began. _Too late, folks…..thank goodness for you, Johnny._

"Uh, I'm sorry but she's gone."

"Gone? Where? What happened?"

"Calm down, Johnny. She left yesterday…..AMA." She said and then watched how the three reacted. She had expected John to be upset but she hadn't expected the same reaction from Roy and Joanne.

"Dixie, where did she go? Do you have any idea? It's VERY important." Joanne was hoping Dixie would know who had picked Alyssa up or at least where she may have been headed.

"All I know is that Social Services helped her get to a shelter on the north side of town. I'm assuming she's still there. Why is it so important if you don't mind me asking? I mean, she's the one who broke into your barn and tried to steal your things, Johnny. You haven't forgotten that have you?" Dixie knew her words sounded somewhat cruel but she was determined not to let this waif get to Johnny.

Johnny fixed her with a stare and swallowed back the bile he felt rising in his throat. "Too long to explain here, Dix. But trust me. It's extremely important. She is extremely important to me and I've got to find her."

Johnny turned to walk out the door leaving Roy and Joanne staring at Dixie. Dixie's mouth was agape. "What was that about?"

"Dixie, the short version is that Alyssa is a relative of Johnny's. Probably the only one he's got left." Roy wrapped his arm lovingly around Joanne's waist as the two of them turned to leave.

"Uh, Dixie?"

"Yes?"

Joanne gave a sympathetic smile to her friend. "If you find out anything about her or where she might be please call me."

Dixie stood stunned at what she'd just heard. She locked eyes with Joanne and nodded slowly but affirmatively. _Guess I was wrong about her. I'll see what I can do, Johnny._


	17. Chapter 17

The Gage Secret-17

"Related? Are you kidding me?"

"No, Kel, I'm not! That's what they said." Dixie stood with her arms folded across her chest staring at Kelly Brackett who was seated at his desk.

"How the hell did that happen?" He looked up at the beautiful nurse with her hair tucked neatly underneath her cap.

"Well, let me see if I can explain this to you, Kel." She began with a smirk. "Someone related to Johnny had sex with someone else and…."

Kel shook his head with a snicker before he interrupted her. "Wise-ass."

"You asked for it." She grinned. "Anyway, if she is related, and no one took the time to explain to me how related they are, then this could be, uh, very interesting."

"Yea, well, I'd like to see some proof of this relationship between the two. It sounds just a little too convenient if you ask me."

"Still thinking she's up to something, Kel?"

"You know it. I'm cynical and hard-nosed, right?" He asked her with a slight twinkle in his blue eyes.

"Oh, you're not so bad." She relaxed her arms and leaned provocatively onto his desk. "You do have a few redeeming qualities. And, caring about your friends and coworkers is certainly one of them."

"I do care, Dix. That's why I worry about him so much. He just lost his only relative; well, the only one anybody knew anything about anyway. He's vulnerable right now. I don't want to see him get snowed by a pretty face." He grasped his hands together and rested his chin on them.

"Kel, I'm afraid John Gage is always vulnerable; he has a certain innocence about him that…..well, it's what makes him so damn loveable." She straightened back up and placed her hands into her uniform pockets.

Dr. Brackett gave her a grin. "Yea, I know."

"Well, I'm gonna follow up with Social Services and see if I can find out anything BUT," she held an index finger in the air. "I WILL be careful. She'll have to convince ME before I let her get close to Johnny again."

She closed the door behind her and left Dr. Brackett sitting at his desk contemplating the turn of events.

E!

Alyssa accepted the clothing provided to her by the Beacon House volunteer. She hated the thought of needing charity but she was down to her last $3.72. She had to make it last and accepting handouts was the only way it would last a little longer. She clutched tightly to the money carefully stowed away in her right front pocket. Her ring and letter tucked into her right back pocket. The pain pills from her discharge from Rampart still in a small white envelope in her left front pocket. She'd accepted aspirin from the night volunteer last night to make the pain bearable. She had to save those pain pills as long as she could. _I know I can get a little bit of money for them if I have too._

She stepped out into the bright sunlight; knowing how awful she looked to people passing by. She could see it in their stares and in how they deliberately looked away from her as she made her way down the street. _At least the stitches are covered by the bandage she gave me this morning._

The thought of the stitches reminded her that she needed to go back to Rampart and see Dr. Early again in a couple of days. The kindly older man had treated her so nicely. She really respected him; in fact, she thought she might even be able to trust him. He'd even explained why he hadn't given her more pain pills and agreed to give her more if necessary when she returned to have the stitches removed.

She reached into her back pocket; the one that held the business card from the social worker she'd met with at Rampart. Rachael had explained to her that she'd keep trying to get her into a battered women's shelter on the north side of town as soon as one had an opening. Apparently there were a lot of battered women in the city and so she had to be put up in a homeless shelter in the southern part of the county last night. _At_ _least they had a cot available. I've spent too many nights on park benches and under trees….or locked inside a barn._

She pulled the card out and was relieved that the phone number for Rachael was a toll free number. She stepped inside the phone booth and turned her back to the highway; instinctively barring others from seeing her bruised face.

E!

"Hey, Roy, why don'tcha pull over to this phone booth right here and we'll just call these shelters instead of driving all the way across town." Johnny leaned forward in the backseat so that Roy could see where he was pointing.

"You got the numbers, Junior?"

"Yea." John said digging into his back pocket.

Roy pulled up to the curb and noticed that the phone booth was occupied. "You want to wait or find another one?"

"Ah hell, let's just go to another one. Sorry, Joanne…my manners aren't too good right now."

Joanne looked back smiling at him. "It's ok, Johnny. I don't have virgin ears anymore."

The trio chuckled as they drove on past the occupied phone booth; not knowing how close they had come to finding her.

E!

She hung up the phone with Rachael and felt a tear escape from her eye. "No available space." She muttered to herself. Despair surrounded her again. She had hoped that she'd be able to get a spot at one of those shelters because they helped women get back on their feet, finding jobs and housing. The homeless shelters were basically just a roof, a cot, a shower and a meal. Rachael had told her to call back tomorrow but instead, she reached down and began ripping up the business card; feeling a helplessness in her soul that she feared would consume her.

She reached up to open the phone booth when her eyes caught a glimpse of emergency phone numbers. All the local police and fire stations for Los Angeles County were listed on a paper that was taped to the wall of the phone booth. _Should I call him? Maybe he'd give me back my necklace and backpack. But what will I say? _ Her nervous fingers found a dime in her pocket and she looked at the number for Station 51. She hesitated before dropping in the dime; knowing that once she let it go, she'd be obligated to make the call. She closed her eyes and drew in a ragged breath. When she heard the clinking noise she knew she'd dropped the dime in…and then she heard it ring.

"Station 51, Firefighter Dwyer speaking."

"Ah…" She felt like something was strangling her.

"May I help you?"

"Um, yes…is Mr. John Gage available?"

"I'm sorry, Miss. He doesn't come on shift until tomorrow morning. May I take a message?" Dwyer asked wondering what Johnny had done now to piss off his latest girlfriend.

"Ah, yes please tell him that Alyssa called and…" She abruptly stopped her message when she heard the tones go off.  
"I'm sorry, Miss. I've got to run but I'll tell him you called." Dwyer said rolling his eyes. _Break up with him yourself, Miss._

She hung up the phone letting her head rest against the back of her hand as it held the receiver. She felt like a total fool. But, at least she knew his work schedule. Now if she could just get back to his house while he was on shift then maybe she could get into the barn to take back her things; assuming he hadn't already disposed of them.

E!

"Yes, Ma'am…..yes I understand. Can I leave a message for her in case she comes in later…..oh…ok, I see. Thanks anyway." Johnny slammed down the phone for the 5th time.

"Damn it!" He yelled inside the phone booth; grateful for somewhat of a sound barrier between himself and the other people walking by. He folded back the doors and shook his head as he walked back to the car.

"That's it. That's all of 'em. No one will tell me a damn thing; won't even say if she's even been there!" He said, momentarily wishing he was in his rover so he could kick something.

"Well, Johnny I know that some people don't want to be found. It's probably just for the safety of the other residents that they won't tell you anything." Joanne offered hoping to comfort him.

"Yea, well it ain't like I'm Jack the Ripper! I mean, couldn't they have at least taken a message for her…..in case she comes in later or something?"

"Well, it's probably just another part of their security policy or something." Roy hoped his younger partner was beginning to calm down and be reasonable.

John looked out the window staring at the people walking by on the sidewalk. "She's here, Roy. She's so close and…and she needs help…I just, I just feel so….so damned responsible for her situation."

"Now wait just a minute, John Roderick Gage." This time it was Joanne who spoke up. "You had nothing to do with her situation. It is what it is….not your fault, understand?"

"Yea well…it's not her fault either." Johnny muttered as his mind took him back to those four horrible years he had suffered through because of a situation that wasn't his fault either. _Grammy could have stopped my pain and suffering but she chose not to. I won't do that to you, Alyssa, I won't let you down…again._

_E!_

Dixie stared at the phone she'd just hung up. The information she'd been given from Rashael wasn't very helpful. She'd tried to get Alyssa into a battered women's shelter but there was no room so she'd been sent to a homeless shelter for the night. Then, when Rachael told her that she'd just gotten off the phone with Alyssa, she could have kicked herself. _Dixie, why did you put off calling Social Services? You could've gotten word to Rachael to transfer Alyssa's call to the ER. _She shook her head mentally chastising herself. Rachael had asked Alyssa to call back the following day and she'd asked Rachael to transfer the call if that happened. She just hoped she'd be available to take the call; and hoped that Alyssa would actually call back.

E!

Roy pulled back up at their house and a very dejected John Gage pulled himself out of the backseat.

"I'm so sorry, Johnny." Joanne said pulling him into a sideways hug.

"Yea, me too, Junior."

"Ahh, thanks guys. I'm sorry I took up most of your night and most of your day too. I love you, you know that right?"

Both the DeSoto's smiled at him. They knew he loved them. They knew that for all intents and purposes, they were his family and they loved him too. They just hoped and prayed that the one remaining Gage family member would be found safe very soon.

Johnny went inside and retrieved his duffle. Throwing it into the passenger's seat of his rover he waved goodbye to the DeSoto's.

"See ya in the mornin', Roy."

"Yea, see ya."

John's mind was racing as he navigated the familiar streets making his way from the DeSoto residence to his ranch. He eased his rover to a stop at a busy intersection beside a bustling park. The sun would be setting soon and he was thinking about all the things he needed to get done before his shift started in the morning. He never noticed the younger girl curled up on a park bench with her back turned to him as he sat at that traffic light. He couldn't see her shuddering shoulders as she wept; contemplating what to do next. He eased off the break as the light changed to green never hearing the rumbling in her stomach as she fought off the hunger pangs. He made the left turn as he drove away from the girl shivering as the temperature dropped. And finally he drove up to his ranch wanting so badly to have a chance to talk to the girl he'd just driven away from only moments ago; leaving her alone shivering and hungry on a park bench in Los Angeles.

A/N: May be a couple of days before I get to update again but I promise to update again as soon as I can.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: warning for strong language

The Gage Secret-18

She slept for a little while on the hard bench but as nightfall began to surround her she woke up. The night could be very dangerous for a homeless person; especially a homeless young girl. She was wise enough to know to sleep during the day and stay awake at night; awake and away from the creepy predators who were out searching for victims under the cover of darkness.

She heaved a deep sigh as she stood up. She needed to find something to eat; something cheap. She wandered along the street; her nose catching whiffs of various tasty treats that she could not afford. She finally wandered into a corner gas station and purchased a small pack of crackers. She then sat down on the bus bench outside and slowly ate her meager meal.

"Hi, Sugar."

She looked up at the sound of the voice and saw an older man with pale skin, yellow teeth and greasy hair looking at her; his stare causing her hair to stand up on the back of her neck.

"Hi." She said looking back down.

"Need a lift? I can take you anywhere you want to go. No charge. I could use the company. No funny stuff." Said greasy.

She kept looking at the ground in front of her as she shook her head.

"Aw, come on. You don't want to stay out here all night, do ya? It ain't safe; 'specially for pretty young ladies like yourself."

"I'm alright." She said as another shiver went down her spine.

She heard a car door slam and felt sheer terror coursing through her veins as she raised her chin up just enough to see him stepping around in front of his car. Her first instinct was to jump up and run but her fear kept her paralyzed in her seated position. She felt a wave of nausea wash over her as he seemed to slither up toward her; taking a seat a little too near to her and invading her personal space.

She finally found the ability to move her legs and tried to stand up but not before he painfully gripped her left forearm and forced her to remain seated. She heard herself gasp and then heard a gruesome snicker coming from greasy.

"Where you goin', Sugar? I just want to talk to ya."

"I…uh….I need to go to the bathroom." She stammered; not completely telling a lie.

"Well, why don't I join you?" He said as he tightened his grip on her arm. " I bet you could use a little cash right now. Am I right?" He grinned reaching out to turn her face towards him.

His touch felt dirty against her skin and a grimace crossed her face. As her head turned into the light of the streetlamp he could see her bruised and bandaged face.

"Damn, Sugar. Who fucked you up like this?"

She jerked her chin out of his grip and was a bit surprised when he relinquished his hold on her arm. She scooted over on the bench trying to put a little distance between them. He watched her with a glimmer of hope in his dark eyes as her shoulders slumped and her breathing became rapid. He started to move over when he saw a black and white police car make a u-turn and pull in behind his large sedan.

"Aw shit…Fuzz is here. Gotta run. Think about what I said, Sugar. Meet me back here same time tomorrow if you decide you need a little cash."

She shuttered as she watched him get up and walk over to his car. She didn't wait to see what happened between the police officers and greasy. She managed to walk back inside the small gas station and made her way to the back to the bathroom. Once inside, she felt her stomach lurch and she fought hard to maintain the crackers she'd eaten before he had arrived. Finally, without getting sick, she managed to wet a paper towel and wash her face; wiping away the sweat that had formed on her brow in spite of the chilly temperature. _I can't live like this._

_E!_

"Honey, the kids will be in school tomorrow so why don't I drive to these homeless shelters and see if maybe she's there?" Joanne said as she crawled into bed next to Roy.

"I don't know, Jo. I don't like the idea of you going to those places. They don't seem very safe."

"Well, during the day time they should be. I just want to help Johnny find her. I can't imagine how she must feel. I mean, he hasn't really talked about it but, well….look at it from her point of view. She's found and lost her birth mother in just a few short weeks. She must be devastated. That's bad enough by itself but she has no one and nothing. My heart aches for her, Roy." Joanne reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek.

Roy held out his arms in an invitation for her to snuggle up to him. She quickly complied relishing his scent and the way she felt in his arms. "Jo, that's one of the reasons I love you so much…..the way you care about people; even people you've never met."

She ran her fingers over his bare chest as he cradled her in his strong arms. "I feel helpless, Roy. I just want to do something."

"I know. And if you want to look for her at the shelters then who am I to stop you. Just please be careful, Babe. Will you call me when you get back home? I'd feel better about it."

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Yes, I will but…ah…don't tell Johnny ok? I don't want to get his hopes up."

"I won't." Roy said before he reached up and turned off the light.

E!

"Come on, Patches…..bedtime." Johnny called to his four legged companion. She quickly followed him; sitting patiently as he finished filling up the cat bowls and replacing the food into the small pantry.

He shut the door to the small storage room and then did a double take. He quickly reopened it again and that's when he saw it. He pulled open the door a little wider and saw a backpack lying on the floor in the corner. His breath caught in his throat as he reached in to retrieve it. He knew it was hers. Patches looked at him curiously as he slung it over one shoulder and whistled for her to follow him out the door.

He settled Patches in her bed beside the back door then made his way down the hallway to his bedroom. Once inside he placed the backpack on his bed while he readied himself to turn in for the night. First he took care of his personal needs including showering and pulled on his boxers and t-shirt. Finally, he sat down next to the dingy denim backpack. He fought an internal battle with himself trying to decide if he should plunder through her personal belongings or not. He finally decided that if there was something inside there that would give him a clue as to her whereabouts then it'd be worth violating her privacy. He started with the small zippered pouch on the front. It contained $5.17. _Is that all you've got? _Then quickly realized that right now she didn't even have that as it was in her backpack and she was somewhere else. He returned the money and zipped it back up. He then turned his attention to the main compartment of the backpack. He opened it and began pulling out a few items. She had toothbrush and small tube of tooth paste. There was also a hairbrush, deodorant and a change of clothing. As he reached the bottom he found a small package of feminine products and a pill bottle. _Huh? Wonder what she takes these for? _ Panic set in as he began to roll the bottle between his fingers searching for the description of the contents. He began to worry that she had a chronic condition and was in need of her medication. Then he turned the bottle around and read the label. _Oh no!_


	19. Chapter 19

The Gage Secret-19

"Mornin', Chet"

"Hey, John."

Mike wondered if he was hearing things in the apparatus bay; it sounded like Chet and Johnny were being civil to each other. He'd just poured himself a cup of coffee and was headed over to get a briefing from the C-shift engineer when both Gage and Kelly walked into the bay headed to the locker room at the same time. He looked over at his C-shift counterpart and raised his eyebrows as he blew on his coffee. The other man snickered and began the run down on the previous shift.

"Hey, Junior." Roy said as he pushed open the locker room door and saw his partner buttoning up his uniform shirt.

"Mornin'." Johnny muttered tossing his shoes into his locker.

"Gage, DeSoto."

"Mornin', Marco."

"Hey, Marco." Roy spoke to his shift mate as he entered the locker room and headed toward his locker to change.

Johnny looked around at the room and then leaned in closer to his partner. "You won't believe what I found in the storage room in the barn last night."

"What?" Roy asked pulling on his navy blue pants and zipping them up.

"Alyssa's back pack." He said shutting his locker door and taking a step closer to Roy.

"Did you find anything in it?"

Johnny did a double take. "How'd you know I looked through it?"

"Because I know you." Roy grinned. "Anyway, I'd've gone through it too. It might help us locate her."

"Well, that's what I thought too." Said Johnny with animated chocolate eyes and an open hand pressed against his chest. "Anyway, she just had basic stuff in there. Plus five bucks. But, I also found a prescription bottle that had Aunt Kitty's name on it….for valium, Roy!"

Roy locked eyes with Johnny. "You think Katherine gave them to her to help her settle down after they met?"

"Hrumph." Johnny rolled his eyes. "How stupid do you think I am? Or my Aunt Kitty for that matter?"

"Well, Johnny, I didn't mean to offend you or disrespect Katherine but…"

"Oh, I didn't mean it like that, Roy." Johnny interrupted. "I'm just frustrated is all. I mean, she had to have stolen them right? That's the only explanation… but why? Why would she steal drugs from her own mother?"

"Well, there's only one reason I can think of but then…you know that don't you."

"Yea, man…..I understand why she left the hospital AMA too. She needed a fix and didn't want the staff to know. I just…" He never finished his sentence but just sat on the bench in front of his locker shaking his head.

"Johnny, she's been through a lot. Let's not jump to conclusions or be too quick to judge her." Roy consoled.

"I know….I still want to help her….find her at least…..I mean…hell, I don't know what I mean."

Roy sat down next to his junior partner and clasped the back of his neck with his left hand. "Johnny, you do know. I know and so does Jo. She's still your family and you haven't had a chance to even get to know her." Roy hesitated not sure if he should verbalize what he was thinking. Then he decided to forge on ahead. "You're afraid of what she's doing to get her high aren't you?"

A shadow crossed John's face and Roy picked up on it immediately. He watched as his partner merely nodded in agreement. "We're gonna find her, Johnny. We won't quit until we do. Alright?"

Johnny leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and hung his head. "Thanks, man."

"Any time, partner."

The two stood up and Roy pushed open the door nearly bumping into Dwyer who was walking in.

"Whoa, sorry."

"No problem, Roy…..Johnny." Dwyer spoke as he entered and the door swished closed. Immediately it opened again as Dwyer burst back through it.

"Hey John…..your girlfriend called last night. Said to tell you she called."

Johnny stopped in his tracks. "Girlfriend? I'm not seeing anybody right now. Besides, if I had a girlfriend I'd be with her when I wasn't on shift." He said with a mischievous grin.

"Well, anyway, she said to tell you Melissa called." Dwyer said as he turned around and walked back into the locker room.

"Melissa?" Johnny mumbled to himself as he walked into the kitchen for a cup of coffee.

"Hey Roy, do you remember some chick named Melissa?"

"Melissa who?" Roy asked.

"I don't know. Dwyer just said that Melissa called for me last night and just wanted me to know she'd called. I don't remember a Melissa."

"Gage, you need to pay better attention to the girls you date, man. Geez, can't even remember her huh?"

"Shut up, Chet." John chastised as he poured his coffee and sat down beside Roy continuing to mouth the name repeatedly hoping to make a connection in his brain.

"Hey be careful…might hurt yourself thinking so hard."

"Damn it, Chet….I'm…" Johnny's eyes widen and he snapped his fingers in the air.

"Roy, Roy, not Melissa…..Alyssa….it had to be Alyssa!" He shouted as he jumped up from his chair and ran out to catch Dwyer before he left.

"Melissa, Alyssa…what's he doing…dating twins?" Chet asked pulling out a chair to join Roy and Marco at the table.

"Chet, Alyssa is the name of that girl that broke into his barn." Roy wanted to say that she was also Johnny's cousin but the rest of the crew only knew about her breaking in. This was their first shift back since John had discovered they were related and it was his place to tell them if he wanted them to know; not Roy's.

Momentarily, John came bursting back through the door of the kitchen. "It was, Roy. It was her. He remembered the name when I asked him. Said they got a run right when he asked her about a message and all she said was to tell me she called." Johnny sat back down and picked up his cup of coffee. "But he did tell her my schedule so maybe….just maybe she'll call back." He sat staring at his black coffee for a second when they all heard Hank calling them for roll call.

Roy stood beside a nervous Johnny listening to his Captain reviewing memos and giving out chores. He caught the part about him having to cook which he already knew but he never heard the rest. His mind was wandering back to what Johnny had told him about the contents of Alyssa's back pack. He knew that Jo would be out looking for her today at several shelters…..and he secretly hoped that Jo wouldn't find her. He didn't like the fact that a bottle of valium belonging to Katherine Gage had been found in Alyssa's possession. It could only mean one thing and he didn't want Jo involved with someone like that; not alone anyway.

E!

Joanne dropped the kids off at school and then drove to the first shelter on her list. It was an old house in need of some paint but it was better than the streets she supposed. The sign out front said it was for females only and it was run by the local Presbyterian Church one block over. She walked up the steps and was surprised to be greeted at the door before she knocked. The older lady welcomed her inside.

"Good morning, may I help you?"

"Oh, hello, my name is Joanne DeSoto. I'm looking for someone and was wondering if she might have been staying here the last couple of nights?"

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. DeSoto. I'm Jacqueline Switzer, a volunteer here. I'm sorry but I can't release the names of the ladies who stay here. We've had some, well, negative outcomes when we've done that in the past. Some of our ladies were being harassed and…. well, I'm sure you understand." The older lady explained.

Joanne felt defeated and it showed on her face. "Well, she's just so young and alone and I'm a friend of her cousin who's looking for her. He wants to help her out but we can't find her."

Ms. Switzer could see the sorrow as well as the sincerity on Joanne's face. "I can do this though…..I can take down your name and number. Then if she comes in tonight while I'm on duty then I can give it to her. She can call if she wants to."

Joanne felt the color return to her face. "Oh, yes please. That would be wonderful." She left after giving Ms. Switzer her name and phone number as well as a short note about her connection to John Gage. Silently, she prayed that Alyssa would check in to this place tonight; and that she'd be willing to talk to her.

E!

By the time the buses started running near where she was sitting, Alyssa had made up her mind about what she needed to do. She pulled out her meager cash and calculated mentally how much it would take to ride to Rampart. She was tired and thought perhaps she was feverish again. She wanted to see Dr. Early. Even though it was too soon to get the stitches out she could claim she didn't know. Maybe, just maybe he'd want to hospitalize her again. At least that way she wouldn't have to spend another night on a cot between a junkie and a bag lady or worse…hiding from greasy. He had told her he would give her more pain medication if she needed it. She just hoped she could talk him into keeping his word about that if he didn't hospitalize her.

She stepped off the bus at the corner across the street from the front of the hospital. She followed the signs around to the back where the emergency entrance was located. She stood in the morning shadows as an ambulance backed up to the doors and noticed that a squad pulled up behind it. From her vantage point she could read the numbers on the side of the door: Los Angeles County Fire Department Squad 51.

"No." She mumbled to herself. "He's on duty now. It's got to be him." She stayed back out of sight and watched the ambulance unload with a dark haired paramedic quickly stepping out carrying an IV bag above his head with one hand and an orange box in his other. He followed the stretcher into the emergency entrance. She then watched as another man, with reddish colored hair stepped out of the squad and followed after them.

Once she confirmed that John Gage was in the hospital, she leaned back against the hospital wall. _I have to wait for him to leave. _She looked around for a bench that would be far enough out of the way that she wouldn't be noticed but close enough that she could see the squad leaving. She'd just have to wait until John left before she went in to see Dr. Early.

E!

By the time Joanne had driven to her third shelter she was emotionally exhausted. Seeing people who had absolutely nothing but the clothes on their backs made her so extremely grateful for what she and her family had. But it wasn't just what they had materially that she was grateful for; it was the fact that they had each other that she was most humbled for. She thought of Johnny and how he fit in so well with their family. She thought about the men at Station 51 and how they all looked out for each other; even the families looked out for each other on all three shifts. It was like being a member of another extended family.

"How do people end up with nothing and no one?" She said to herself as she drove on to number four. Then she thought about Johnny and she was immediately reminded about how he could easily be in that same position; actually had been in that position as a child and had it not been for Katherine Gage he might be counted among the city's homeless today. That thought strengthened her resolve.

"Alyssa, we will find you. And we'll accept you into our family too. You won't have to live like this anymore." She promised out loud wiping the moisture from her pink cheeks. "Well, let's see if you're at this one."

E!

"Squad 51 available." Johnny called out and then replaced the microphone.

Roy pulled out from the Emergency Department entrance at Rampart. Alyssa watched the squad make the turn and head towards the stop sign before she made her way through the doors of the emergency room. She looked up and down the corridor before making her way to the registration desk.

"May I help you, Miss?"

"Um, yes, I need to see Dr. Early please. I need to have stitches removed." She said nervously.

"Alright, just fill out this form and we'll get to you as soon as we can." The receptionist said handing her the clipboard.

She sat down and began filling out the form stopping when she reached the address section. She looked around at the others in the waiting room; suddenly self-conscious of her situation. Then she wrote down the only address she could remember. She finished the form and took it back to the receptionist then sat back down in the waiting area prepared for a very long wait.

It only took about thirty minutes before a young blonde nurse with a beautiful smile called out her name.

"Alyssa Keener."

Alyssa stood up and walked over to where the young nurse stood.

"Hello, I'm Sally. Follow me please." Alyssa followed Sally down the hallway and into treatment room 3.

_Please let this work. Please!_


	20. Chapter 20

The Gage Secret-20

Joanne pulled back up at her house. She stepped out of her shoes at the front door and headed to the kitchen to start another pot of coffee. She was exhausted from her unsuccessful search for Alyssa. While the coffee was perking she reached for the phone to call Roy at the station.

"Station 51 Captain Stanley speaking."

"Hello, it's Joanne, is Roy there?"

"No, Joanne, the squad's on a run. Want me to have him call you?"

"No, that's alright. Just let him know I'm back home. He'll understand."

"Will do, Jo. Have a good afternoon."

"Bye."

She hung up the phone and then poured herself a cup of coffee. She was still emotionally drained from the things she'd seen during her search for Alyssa. _Oh Alyssa. Where are you, Sweetie?_

E!

"Well, I doubt that these stitches are ready to come out yet but let's have a look." Dr. Early carefully peeled back the bandage. He frowned a little at the redness beginning to develop around the deeper part of the cut. He palpated for tenderness and heard his patient hiss as she sucked in air between clenched teeth.

"Tender there, huh?"

"Yes…it's been hurting." She said hoping she sounded like the pain was worse than it really was.

"Well, it isn't healing quite as well as I'd hoped but don't worry." Said the gray haired physician. "I can give you an antibiotic shot that will help take care of that. Once the infection is taken care of the pain will go away too."

Alyssa pressed her lips into a thin line. "Um, when I was here before you said you'd give me some more pain pills if I needed them. Can I get a few more…..please?" She looked up at him pitifully.

He hesitated momentarily. "Are you still staying at the shelter?"

"No….don't like it there." She muttered.

"Ok, where are you staying then?" He asked still trying to decide what to do to best help her.

"Just around….different places." She looked down at her hands even though the movement made her head hurt.

Dr. Early exhaled audibly. "Alright, let me draw some blood and then I'll decide if I can prescribe some more or not. Fair enough?"

Alyssa nodded. She hated needles but if this was what it took then so be it.

"Sally, will you redress this head wound while I do this?"

"Yes, Dr. Early." Said the pretty blonde with the friendly smile.

"Alright, lie back and we'll get started on this. I'd rather keep you here a while and let me give you an IV antibiotic. It'll take about an hour to run through but it'll work much faster. While you're waiting I'll see if we can't get you a lunch tray brought in. That sound agreeable to you?" He looked at Alyssa who finally made eye contact with him. He noticed that her eyes brightened up a little and that confirmed his suspicions.

"Alright, I'm gonna roll up both sleeves and see which arm offers me the best vein. Don't want to have to stick you but once." Dr. Early said as he carefully inspected both of Alyssa's forearms. He noticed finger bruises on her left forearm as he looked closely for track marks.

"How'd this happen, Alyssa?" He asked knowing she didn't have the bruises a few days ago when she came in.

"Uh, just a misunderstanding." She muttered quickly diverting her eyes away from him.

He slowly inspected her right arm and again found no track marks. He found a vein and established the IV. He added a bag of D5W along with the antibiotic while Sally finished dressing her wound. He watched for her reaction as he penetrated the vein and noticed the pain showing in her wrinkled up face. He watched as she bit down on her bottom lip with her top teeth and knew she was not accustomed to venipuncture.

"I know it hurts, Alyssa. I wish it didn't but we're done now. He said as he placed the tube of blood he'd drawn into his coat pocket and then taped down the IV tubing. He attached the bags and hung them on the IV pole.

"Sally, will you take this to the lab and then see if you can find our patient here some lunch, please?" He asked handing her the tube of blood.

"Yes, sir." Sally looked down at Alyssa whose eyes were closed then cut her eyes up at the doctor. She smiled when he gave her a wink. She knew exactly what he was doing and she appreciated it in him. Not every doctor was as compassionate as Dr. Early.

Once she was out the door, he touched Alyssa on the shoulder. He watched as her pretty brown eyes fluttered open. "Ok, Alyssa. It's just you and me in here now. You know that you can tell me anything and I won't tell anybody right?"

Alyssa nodded; unsure of where their conversation was going.

"Now, I want to know how you got those new bruises?" He sat on the edge of her bed so he wouldn't seem quite so domineering.

"Some sleazebag grabbed me." She whispered turning her head away from him.

"Did he hurt you in any other way?"

She nodded negatively but didn't return his gaze. "I, um, well the cops showed up and he left."

"He wanted you to do something you didn't want to do?"

Again she nodded but he wasn't sure he believed her. "Listen, I need to check your other injuries alright? I just need to lift up your blouse up to your bra; no further, ok?"

She agreed and reached down with her left hand to pull up her shirt then winced as he palpated the place where John had punched her in her abdomen.

"Still sore, I see." He noted that bruising had appeared also but nothing new like on her arm. Truthfully that was his main motive for checking her.

"Alyssa, I'd like to have Rachael come back down and help you find another shelter for a while. You don't need to be on the streets." He said hoping she'd agree. So far, she hadn't balked at anything he'd asked her.

"No….she tried but couldn't find an opening at a battered women's shelter and I can't stand the homeless shelters." She glanced at him to see his reaction and was surprised when he didn't seem angry with her.

"Ok, well, it's your choice as always but there are people who want to help you, including me, Alyssa. If you need anything, you let me know. You can call me here if you need to." He handed her a business card just as Sally opened the door.

"Ok, Alyssa, I wasn't sure what you might want so I got you a chicken salad sandwich, chips, a pickle, juice, coffee and some hot soup." She cast a glance up at Dr. Early who once again gave her a wink.

They both knew she hadn't eaten and wanted to at least ensure her one good meal for the day. He watched Sally pull over the bed tray and set the tray down then he turned to exit. As soon as he opened the door he was met by Dixie who had an alarmed look on her face.

"Joe, I was coming to alert you. Fifty-one's bringing in a child poisoning case that sounds bad. Kel is working a cardiac case and Mike is handling a traffic accident . Can you take it?" She asked without looking into the treatment room.

"Sure Dix. Which room you want us in?"

"Treatment one is ready." She said turning to walk toward the entrance as a siren was heard in the background.

E!

The ambulance backed up to the ER doors and a very worried Roy exited the ambulance along with a stretcher carrying a young boy no more than eight years old. He was unconscious and very pale.

"One, Roy." Dixie said then ran ahead of him to hold open the door.

"What do you have, Roy?" Asked Dr. Early as he pulled his stethoscope out of his pocket.

"Mom doesn't know what he ingested but there was an open box of rat poisoning near where he was found. His BP is 70/40 and respirations are shallow….." Roy's voice trailed off as the activity in the room increased.

Johnny pulled the squad up beside the ambulance and ran into the ER. He saw Sally exiting treatment room three and assumed their patient was in there. He began to push on the door when he heard Dixie's voice.

"In here, Johnny."

"Oh." He turned away from the door to treatment three and hurried over to treatment one.

Inside treatment three, Alyssa exhaled. She'd heard his voice and realized he was standing just outside her door and was relieved when he left without ever looking inside and seeing her.

The crew worked for nearly an hour trying to save the young boy's life. He was slipping and Sally knew it. She didn't want to interrupt them but she knew her patient in three was becoming impatient to leave. She had already read the lab report and knew that Alyssa's drug screen was negative. She stuck her head in the door of treatment room one and caught Dr. Early's attention. They were standing around the young boy's bed waiting to see if he was going to respond to the treatment. Both paramedics were still there as well. The ER was busy and their skills were being put to use with this case to free up other nurses to assist with the other crises going on in other treatment rooms.

"Dr. Early, the patient in three has a negative drug screen and her D5W and antibiotic have run through. Is she free to go?"

"Yes, and since she's negative on the screen I'll sign off on her some anti-anxiety meds." He said scribbling down his order on a prescription pad and tearing it off for Sally.

"Yes, sir." Sally was somewhat confused because she thought her patient needed pain pills instead of diazepam but didn't question his judgement. She exited the room just as the heart monitor flat-lined on the child.

She looked down the hallway at the nervous young couple crying in each other's arms in the waiting room; she assumed they were the boy's parents. _Poor folks._

She walked into the room and found Alyssa dozing lightly. She'd eaten everything on the tray which made Sally both glad and sad. "Ok, Miss Keener, let me remove your IV and you'll be ready to go. I have a prescription for you here for some, uh, medication to make you feel better."

"Yes, Ma'am." Alyssa said with a yawn. Her full belly and lack of restful sleep had caused her drowsiness.

Within a few moments, she was assisted off the bed and Sally showed her how to get to the hospital pharmacy. She walked past the crying young couple in the lobby and said a silent prayer for the child for whom they were weeping. She then headed to the pharmacy to fill her prescription. She noted the word 'indigent' on her prescription and wondered what that meant. A little while later when she was handed her prescription at no charge, she knew exactly what it meant. She shoved the small vial into her front pocket where she was keeping the small envelope from her original trip to Rampart. This was her security blanket. Her plan had worked. Now she just needed to finish carrying it out.


	21. Chapter 21

The Gage Secret-21

Four somber faces sat in the staff lounge; each staring into a cup of dark liquid thinking about the child they'd been unable to save.

"Fellas, we can't beat ourselves up over this. We gave him our best."

"I know, Dix. It's just so heartbreaking. I keep thinking about my own kids. He's the same age as Chris, ya know?" Roy said; his voice cracking as he said his son's name.

"Dixie's right. We gave him our best. We can't save them all. We mourn those we lose and then we pull ourselves up by the boot straps so we can help the next one." Joe tried to help lift the spirits of the others. He was an experienced physician who had both saved and lost many patients. He knew how tough losing a patient could be; especially a child. He also knew he had two of the best paramedics on the case with him and the last thing he wanted to do was to lose them to their chosen profession.

"Well, Junior, guess we better make ourselves available."

"Yea, I know." Johnny responded as he stood up.

Dixie watched the two of them walk out the door. "Johnny still isn't back to normal yet."

Her words brought Dr. Early back from his reverie. He screwed up his face as he remembered his earlier patient. "Dix, I completely forgot. She came in this morning."

"Who?"

"Alyssa. She came in for me to check her stitches. The wound was getting infected so I gave her an IV antibiotic with some fluids, …..and a lunch tray….. and then released her."

"Did she say where she was staying?" Dixie still wasn't convinced that Alyssa was being totally honest with them but if she was Johnny's cousin then she wanted to help them reunite.

"On the streets. She had a few new bruises on her left forearm. Said some guy grabbed her. " He sighed. "I don't know, Dix. I really feel sorry for her."

"Well, I'm still not sure but I do want to see Johnny get his zip back." Dixie set her coffee cup back down on the table.

"If it makes you feel any better, I did another drug screen. She's still negative. I tried to get her to talk with Rachel in Social Services again but she refused." Joe said sipping his own coffee.

"Maybe I'm wrong, Joe." She said with a slight twinkle in her eye.

"Why's that?"

"Because she's just as stubborn as Johnny is." Dixie answered with a slight grin. "Is she supposed to come back or did you dismiss her completely?"

"Well, it was too soon to get the stitches out. With the antibiotics on board, she should begin to heal better and the stitches can come out in a few days." He hesitated before continuing. "I'll try my best to remember to call you in with me if she comes back while you're on duty. You can give her the third degree then." Joe said punctuating his statement with a mischievous grin and sharing his own eye twinkle with her.

"Deal." She said standing up. "Gotta get back to the grind."

"Thanks, Dix. You, uh…you have a way of bringing out the best in people. I needed the pick-up." He told her standing up himself to return to the Emergency Room corridor.

E!

"Roy, do you ever wonder why things happen the way they do?" Johnny said in his most philosophical voice.

"Sometimes…why?" Roy asked as he made a left turn in the squad heading back to the station.

Johnny was silent for a moment. "I don't know. It just seems like things can change in the blink of an eye. And that if just one tiny little detail happened or didn't happen then everything would be different."

Roy wanted to laugh at his partner's confusing rant but he somehow knew what he meant and just let the thought linger in the air between them. "Yea, you're right."

The remainder of the ride was made in total silence. Roy backed the squad into the apparatus bay and the two of them got out.

"Hey, Roy. Joanne called and said to tell you she was back home."

"Ok, thanks, Cap." Roy said nonchalantly entering the kitchen.

"Any calls for me, Cap?" John asked hoping maybe Alyssa had called back.

"No, sorry John…..maybe you should get a wife like Roy if you want calls." Hank smiled at his own joke as Johnny made his way to the dorm room to lie down for a while.

E!

"Johnny?"

"Humm…" Johnny mumbled as he rolled over onto his stomach with his head turned to the left.

"Johnny, I need to talk to you."

Johnny cracked one eye open to see who was interrupting his sleep. He caught a glimpse of blue and turned his head back down onto his pillow and away from the voice beside him. "Go away, Chet."

"Johnny, please…..it's important."

"Damn it, man….WHAT?" He said louder than necessary; he wanted to make sure that Chet knew he was bothering his precious rest.

"Johnny…." said a curt but distinctly feminine voice.

Johnny gulped as he slowly lifted his torso off the bed and turned to his right. There, in the light of the window stood a shadowy image of Katherine Gage.

"Ah, Aunt Kitty?" He struggled to get the words out as his vision clouded with tears.

"Johnny, she's in trouble. Please, please help her." Katherine's voice as well as her apparition began to fade.

"No…wait…don't go…how can….Aunt Kitty?" He sat up on the edge of the bed; he scrubbed his face with his hands making sure he was fully awake. He glanced around the room but couldn't find any sign of her. _Where is she, Aunt Kitty? I'll help her but you've got to help me find her. "Please, …..come back." _He whispered into the empty dorm room.

The noise of the dorm door opening startled him.

"Hey, good you're awake. Mind helping me with grilling the chicken…..Johnny? You ok?" Roy stood in front of his pale and visibly trembling partner.

"She..uh, she was here…Roy."

"Who…..Alyssa?" Roy asked.

"Uh…no…no….Aunt Kitty." He said hanging his head down as he stared at his feet.

Roy could tell that Johnny was in no joking mood. He was serious and he was upset. He watched his young partner's shoulders slump. He slowly made his way over to his own bunk and sat down facing John. He clasped his hands together as he thought about how to approach the sensitive subject.

Johnny exhaled loudly as he dropped his hands to his sides and began gripping his bedspread in his clinched fists. His mind was a million miles away when Roy's voice brought him back to the present.

"Johnny…what did she say this time…..same thing?" Roy looked up locking his blue eyes on his dark haired partner.

John opened his mouth to speak but then closed it again trying to get a grip on the emotions he felt swelling up inside his chest constricting his throat. He shook his head negatively, "ah…nuh-uh." He waited a moment before raising his chin to pin Roy with his chocolate eyes.

Roy watched him struggle; licking his lips and inhaling a shaky breath. In a voice barely audible he said, "ah….she said that Alyssa was in trouble and she begged me to help her."

Roy watched Johnny's nostrils flare in a futile attempt to hold back the tears.

"Roy, I don't know where she is." He sniffled pressing the heels of his hands into his watery eyes. "I…I can't help her if I can't find her."

Roy had never felt any more helpless than he felt at that moment. He watched his grieving young partner lay back down on his bunk; clutching his pillow to his chest as he curled his lean body into a fetal position around the small pillow. His body shivered and began to quake rhythmically.

Roy kneeled down next to a sobbing John and placed a consoling hand on his partner's shoulder. He had no idea what to say or do other than to let John know that he was there; there for him but also there for Alyssa – wherever she may be.

E!

Alyssa Keener locked herself inside a stall in the public restroom. She sat on the toilet and counted out what little money she had left. She closed her eyes denying the tears that tried so hard to escape from her dark eyes. Her body ached but her heart was shattered. She reminisced about her life since she'd turned sixteen just three short years ago. It seemed like a life time since she'd been happy; since she'd even had a happy thought.

She remembered how she felt when the woman she thought was her mother made a death bed confession. Alice Keener had actually been the mid-wife who had delivered Alyssa to an unmarried woman whose family had been very disappointed that she'd become pregnant out of wedlock by a man they deemed 'undesirable.' He'd died in an accident half-way through the pregnancy and the devastated woman had agreed to place her infant for adoption as her family had pressured her to do. Alice Keener had found a couple who were looking for an infant and had thought everything was going to work out fine but when Alyssa was born the young couple had changed their minds. They had their heart set on a son instead of a daughter.

Alice decided to raise the child herself but when she became ill with cancer just before Alyssa had turned seventeen, she knew she needed to tell Alyssa the truth. It had been hard but she'd managed to give Alyssa enough information and enough money to track down Katherine Gage, her birth mother. It had taken much longer and much more money than Alice had estimated. She died not knowing that Alyssa had quit school in order to spend all of her time in search of Katherine.

Now, over two years later, Alyssa sat in a stall in a public restroom leaning her head against the wall; homeless, hungry, destitute and desperate. She had lost or turned away every person who had ever meant anything to her. She had nothing left and no one to turn to. She felt a strange urge to just laugh out loud; to laugh inappropriately and swear to the top of her lungs. Somehow, she managed to resist the temptation; she had neither the ability nor the energy to do either thing.

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out the ring and the note. Both had belonged to Alice and they were the last possessions she had of the woman who had reared her. Alice had referred to it as a mother's ring; amethyst for Alyssa's birthstone. The note was in Alice's handwriting and listed every detail she could remember about Katherine Gage. It had been enough for Alyssa to find her; and then she was gone. _How could I lose two mothers in just a few years? What's wrong with me?_

She sat there a little longer listening to the voices of mothers and children coming and going inside the restroom. Happy voices of happy people having happy lives all reminding her of her own dismal circumstances. She placed the ring and the note back into her pocket. With resolve, she stood up and exited the stall. Her plan had been laid out in her mind. She headed toward the bus stop. She had enough money to get her out of the city and toward the rolling hills closer to his ranch.

E!

After dinner, Johnny and Roy stood side by side cleaning the grill. Johnny appreciated the mindless activity.

"Grilled chicken was really good, Roy."

"Thanks, I didn't think you ate enough to make a determination." Roy looked at his swollen-eyed partner before continuing his task.

"I just wasn't hungry 's'all." Johnny said with a shrug. "Do the guys know?"

"Know what, Junior?" Roy asked with sincerity.

Johnny rolled his eyes. "About why I kinda lost it earlier."

"Yea….. I felt like they deserved a bit of an explanation." Roy hoped he hadn't crossed the line and revealed more than he should have to their crewmates.

"Good….least I don't have to explain it all….thanks." Johnny said closing the grill. "Thanks for everything, Roy."

"Hey….we aren't through yet. We won't be finished until we find her, Junior."

"Thanks, Pally." Johnny said with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

A couple of hours later, the crew of Station 51 settled down for a movie when the klaxons sounded.

"Station 51…unknown type rescue….meet a Sheriff's Deputy at..…."

The scraping of chairs blocked out the address to Johnny's ears. He sat in the passenger's seat of the squad tightening his chin strap when he noticed that Roy sat wide-eyed staring at the piece of paper Hank had written down the address on. He carefully handed it to Johnny as the bay door rose. Roy watched as Johnny gulped when understanding crossed his face. He reached down to turn on the lights and siren as the squad led the engine to a destination Johnny all too well and to which Roy needed no directions.


	22. Chapter 22

The Gage Secret-22

The sound of the closing bus doors and the herky-jerky start it made awoke her from the nap she hadn't intended on taking. She forced her eyes open wider and shifted in her seat as she looked around at her surroundings. _Oh good, I didn't miss it yet. _The shadows along the streets were growing longer; this day was finally coming to a rapid close.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the small envelope containing the remaining two pain pills. She had taken one a little over an hour before taking a seat on the city bus and was growing frustrated at how sleepy it was making her. _At least my headache is gone._

The bus ran over a pothole in the street making her drop the envelope and she watched as her two remaining pills rolled along the dirty floor of the bus coming to a rest several seats ahead of her. "Shit" she mumbled under her breath. She then fished out the small bottle of the new pain medication Dr. Early had prescribed for her before lunch. She clutched the bottle tightly and noted that she had only four pills in the small vial. She closed her eyes and pushed the bottle back down into her pocket; silently hoping that four would be enough.

When she stepped off the bus she looked around trying to remember which direction she needed to go. She was still feeling woozy and didn't want to be walking in the wrong direction. The air was growing chilly as the sun began to set and she hugged her arms around herself tighter as she headed down the road toward the fence that looked familiar.

E!

Brian turned on his headlights as he continued to travel down the sparsely populated and winding road. He knew that dusk was a very dangerous time to be driving and he wanted to make sure he made it home safely. He rounded a curve and was surprised to see a small form walking towards him in the distance. He slowed down as he approached the form and noticed that the person was a young woman; a young woman with a bandage on her forehead and she was staggering. He drove on past her searching for a place to turn around. He could tell she was injured or drunk or perhaps both.

Alyssa turned her head to watch the car drive by and lost her balance; falling into the ditch on the side of the road. She took a deep breath and pulled herself up but noticed that the car was turning around.

_No…no don't stop….leave me alone. _She reached up to the wooden fence and somehow managed to pull herself through the poles; shuffling her way to a small wooded area to hide.

Brian turned his car around and headed back to the spot where he'd seen the girl only moments earlier. He eased his car onto the slim shoulder on the road and shifted into park. He looked around but saw no sign of her.

Stepping out he shouted. "Hello, are you hurt?"

He listened for any sign of her; the impending darkness making spotting her very difficult. "Hello, do you need help?"

After a couple of minutes he got back in his car and drove away; the vision of the wobbling girl still in his head. He decided to stop at the first house he came to and call the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department. He knew what he'd seen and he had to do something.

E!

She listened and watched from the safety of the shadows as the man finally gave up and drove away. She looked around recognizing the fencing and knew that she had made it back to his ranch. She made her way to the driveway she remembered from her previous trip and walked slowly down the dusty lane. Her feet grew heavier as she made her way up and over the small ridge causing her to trip and fall; the jagged stones scraping her hands and tearing her jeans. She thought she felt something wet running down her shin but with the medication coursing through her veins she felt absolutely no pain.

Patches stared in frustration at the last place she'd seen the small rabbit. She was a determined canine with excellent tracking skills; it was her catching skills that caused her difficulty. She knew from experience that the rabbit was not going to make another appearance for several hours and turned to head back to her guard post on her front porch. The wind picked up slightly as she made her way back toward her house and with her nose in the air now she caught a whiff of a familiar scent. She stopped in her tracks lifting her nose a little higher to verify that it was the same scent. She gave a slight low pitched growl as confirmation. It was the same stranger whose scent she'd picked up on a couple of other times in the last few days. The scent of the person who had stayed in her barn over night; and now the stranger had returned.

Alyssa felt as though her eyes were crossing as she finally made her way up the couple of steps and onto the porch of John Gage - her only remaining relative; the cousin who hated her as much as their grandparents surely must have some twenty years ago. She grabbed the railing on the porch and made her way to the rocking chair near his front door. She sat momentarily closing her eyes and rocking gently to and fro as the cool night air caressed her face. She let herself imagine what life would have been like for her if Kitty hadn't been killed. _Would we have visited him here? _Her reverie was interrupted by the snarl of a dog.

"Easy…..I'm friendly…..ssseee?" She held out a trembling weak hand and let the dog sniff her. She sat as still as possible, which was easy in her drug induced state, until the dog seemed satisfied that she wasn't a threat. Slowly she moved her hand over to pat the dog gently on the head. Within a few minutes the dog sat back on her haunches and stretched her front paws out in front of her resting her chin on her left front paw.

"Niiccee, gurl." Alyssa heard herself say; surprised at how slurred her speech was becoming. "Gotta….do..this." She said to the dog as she stood up. She pulled out the note and the ring that Alice had given her; the note that contained the information about Kitty she had used to track her down. She wanted John to know how she had found her birth mother; hoping it might convince him that she really was Katherine Gage's daughter. She set them down on the seat of the rocker and placed a small stone on top so that the wind wouldn't blow them away. She then pulled out the vial in her pocket and dry swallowed a couple of the pills inside; gagging as she struggled to get them down. John was on duty and wouldn't return until morning. By then she knew she'd have made her way far enough away from his ranch that he wouldn't be the one to find her; perhaps no one would.

She turned to leave and noticed the dog stand up with her but the dog's ears were perked up. She knew the dog was hearing something that she wasn't but at this point, she didn't care. She made her way off the porch and down the side of the yard either following the fence or being supported by it. The dog chose to follow her half way to the barn then turned around and stared in the direction of the road. Now Alyssa heard the sound that the dog had been hearing – the sound of approaching sirens.

"Dammn iit!" She slurred and then began to feel a bit more awake. The fear of being caught sent a surge of adrenaline into her system and she let go of the fence wandering into the open field towards the tree line in the distance.

E!

Roy pulled the squad up next to the Sheriff's Deputy he recognized.

"Hey Vince, whatcha got?" He said stepping out followed closely by Johnny as Mike parked the engine.

"We got a call that a passerby had seen a young woman staggering around in this location. Said she had a bandage on her head and he thought she may be injured. By the time he made his way up the hill, turned around and got back here she was gone."

By the time Vince had finished his explanation, Hank had walked up and Johnny had wandered off.  
"Vince." Hank said with an extended hand.

"Hank." Vince responded accepting the proffered hand in a firm handshake. "I've been calling out and looking around while I waited for you guys to get here. Haven't seen or heard anything."

"Hey, over here!" Johnny called standing near the fence. He had used the squad's spotlight to sweep the bank and was now squatting down near the fence with his fingers pointing toward the ground.

"Find something, John?"

"Think so, Cap. Look," he said standing up again and placing one hand on his hip while the other one he used to guide the others to the spot he'd found. "Looks like somebody slipped on this embankment."

"Yea, I see it too." Cap said; eyes glued to the freshly dug grooves in the dirt. "She can't have gotten far; especially if she's injured." Hank stood up and addressed his crew.

"Alright, get your lights out and let's do a sweep of this area."

"Cap, you do know this is my ranch, right?" Johnny asked before they got started.

"Yea, I thought it was. Any ideas?"

"Well, there's no dangerous spots that I'm aware of like abandoned wells or anything. My driveway is right there." He said pointing away from the squad just ahead of where Vince's car was parked.

"I think we should start at the drive way and walk parallel to the road until we reach the tree line. Once we get to the house then we can do the other side." Johnny suggested as his chin strap blew loosely in the night breeze.

"Sounds good. Alright, Vince you joining us?"

"You bet, Hank. Need me to call for more manpower?" Vince offered pulling his flashlight out of his car.

"Not yet; let's see if we can find her first. How much time has passed since the call came in?"

Vince looked down at his watch. "Pushing a half hour now." He said with a concerned shake of his head.

"She hasn't gotten far in this terrain if she was injured or impaired." Hank said following Johnny to the edge of his property to begin the sweep.

"Fire Department!"

"Hello!"

"Need any help?"

Each man took a turn calling out and then they paused for a few moments to see if they could hear anything before continuing. It took nearly twenty minutes for them to make their way to Johnny's house. Patches had greeted him shortly after he arrived. She'd heard him call out 'fire department' and had quickly made her way to him. She now walked closely at his side as he made his way towards his house. Roy and Vince followed him while the engine crew searched around the barn.

"Vince let me get my keys from inside and we'll take a look in the barn. Don't know how she could've gotten in there but.." His voice faded quickly as he stepped onto his porch and noticed the ring and note in his rocking chair.

"What the hell?" He said reaching for the items and opening up the note.

"Hank, John's found something." Vince called out as Roy made his way to his partner's side.

Johnny's wide-eyed expression gave him away. He looked directly at Vince and then over to his partner.

"It's from her. Alyssa was here." He said casting weary eyes back on his partner. "Roy, she's here…somewhere….she's…." Johnny stepped off the porch with one long stride then broke into a sprint without finishing his thought – searching the barn completely forgotten.

He ran to the fence and limberly climbed through it into the open field behind his ranch house.

"John…what is it?" Mike said as he and Marco climbed the fence together.

"It's Alyssa. It's her. She's here somewhere. She left me this?" He held the note up in his hand but never looked back at his crewmates. His eyes were scanning the field looking for any sign of her as he carefully put the ring and note into his shirt pocket.

Patches watched the excitement without fully understanding it. But one thing she did understand was that her master had found the note the stranger had left for him….and now he was looking for her. Patches quickly put her nose to the ground and began tracking the young woman.

"Hey, Gage…I think you're dog in on to something."

"Shut up, Chet. This is serious." Johnny shot back; again never looking in Chet's direction.

"He's serious, Johnny. I think she's tracking our victim." Marco watched Patches making her zig zag pattern in the field until she picked up the scent she was searching for.

With a yelp, Patches raised her ears up and looked back at John. She began a high pitched bark which Johnny knew meant 'follow me.'

E!

From her vantage point in the tree line, Alyssa watched as what appeared to be six eyes blinked at her in the distance. Sweat began to roll down her face and her heart pounded in her throat. The six eyes morphed into a swarm of bees and the queen could be heard shouting out orders in some high pitched foreign language. She began to feel like bugs were crawling on her arms and legs and jumped up from her hiding spot; brushing herself off as the crawling sensations intensified. _Eewww, off, get off… _She thought to herself. She decided to run to try to get away from the bugs. Her feet wouldn't move in the right direction and she fell twice but again felt no pain. Getting up the second time she noticed a very large man standing in front of her with his arms stretched out parallel to the ground. "Aarrgh."

"Patches, sit." John said to his dog while holding his hand up to signal the rest of the crew to stand still. "Anybody else here that?"

When no one answered he called out. "Alyssa?"

Patches again put her nose to the ground sniffing and snorting as she continued to follow the trail of the stranger. Johnny followed her and the rest of the crew did too.

"Wha…what do you want?" Alyssa asked the giant. She got no answer but instead heard the murmur of the swarm of bees getting closer. She turned her back on the giant and saw that the eyes that had been following her were growing much closer; blinking and shifting from side to side growing more and more angry at her. There was no place to hide and nowhere to run. "NOOOOOOOOO, AAARRRGGGHHH!"

"Alyssa! Alyssa, it's Johnny. Hang…..hang on, Sweetheart. We're…we're coming to help you." Johnny panted as he ran as fast as his legs could carry him following the nimble body and steady yipping of Patches into the pitch black darkness.


	23. Chapter 23

WARNING: strong language

A/N: This chapter is a little longer but again I couldn't break it up. Please excuse the medical errors.

Thank you to all who have left me reviews. They are most appreciated!

The Gage Secret-23

Patches peeled out into the darkness bouncing and yipping as she led Johnny on a chase to find the stranger. Roy was close on John's heels followed by Marco. Chet bounded after Marco followed by Vince as Hank brought up the rear. Mike, separating himself from the remainder of the group, had turned off his flashlight near the fence as he made his way by moonlight around the perimeter of Johnny's property. He had heard the sound of footsteps in the distance right after the scream. He hoped that if it was Alyssa he might be able to cut her off. He also kept a firm grip on his flashlight just in case the sounds he'd heard weren't made by Alyssa.

Alyssa screamed as she pulled herself out of the grasp of an unseen creature; a creature with long thin tendrils that scratched her face and arms as it pawed at her small body. Pulling free from its possessive fingers she stumbled again. Then she heard a voice she recognized. "John?" She whispered hoarsely.

_But he hates me. He's chasing me. Oh, God! He's brought others with him too. They're gonna, oh no…no…._

She ran her fingers through her hair with both hands. The strands were crawling around on her head like wriggling worms. She screwed her eyes shut covering her ears with her hands while still trying to get away from Johnny and the other men who were chasing her. Her feet felt like lead again and her chest began to hurt. She was feeling nauseous and dizzy and decided to open her eyes a little to make sure she didn't run into the giant.

"Aarrgh!"

"Wooooof!" Patches answered her.

"No, no please don'….umm,…" She struggled to keep her balance as she stood staring at the werewolf that now had her trapped; the giant was still at her back.

"Aly….Alyssa." Johnny panted as he stopped beside Patches. He watched as Alyssa used her forearms to block out the light when he inadvertently shined it across her face.

He quickly turned it off and allowed his eyes to adjust to the darkness. The others caught up with him and followed his lead. "Alyssa….you alright?"

She felt her breath coming in short gasps. He had found her…and he'd brought others with him including the werewolf. Her eyes grew wide as she pondered her predicament.

"Damn….is she trippin' or schizo?"

Marco's elbow connected with Chet's ribs silencing the shorter man.

"Ow." He said in a loud whisper glaring at his friend.

Johnny stood about ten feet from her with his hands out at his sides moving up and down slightly. The others knew what he wanted and they stopped their forward progress and aimed their flashlights down at the ground. No one wanted to alarm her any more than she already was.

"Alyssa….Alyssa, it's me, John. Can you tell me what's wrong?" He said in a soft and calming voice. The last thing he wanted her to do was run but the confusion and fear on her face told him she was about to bolt.

"Easy, Alyssa. Take it easy. We just want to help you ok? No one's gonna hurt you, sweetheart." He slowly inched forward.

He could see well enough in the darkness to see that she was terrified. She was shivering and perspiring at the same time. Her eyes darted around at her surroundings and she began to take a step backwards while shaking her head negatively.

"N..no…."

"Alyssa, did you take something? We just want to help you but we need to know what you took." Johnny's heart was breaking. He could tell she was under the influence of something but he had no idea what and that scared him.

"Nnggh" She muttered running her hands back through her hair then brushing her arms off as though she were covered by ants.

Just behind her, Johnny and the others saw slight movement. Mike was slowly making his way up behind her.

"Alyssa…Alyssa, look at me, please." Johnny was trying his best to distract her enough for Mike to make his move.

"Noo….ll…let me go..pl…please." Alyssa's anxiety level was increasing as John slowly closed in on her from the front and Mike eased up behind her.

Roy reached down and clutched Patches collar. The last thing he wanted was for Patches to misunderstand what was about to happen and mistakenly bite Alyssa during the rescue. He felt a slight tap on his back and turned his head to see his Captain standing just behind him.

"I've got her." Hank whispered softly reaching down to take Patches' collar from Roy. He knew that Roy's expertise was going to be needed very soon.

"Alyssa…I found the note and ring you left on my porch." John said slowly removing the items from his pocket to show her. "Let's talk about them, ok?"

Alyssa's eyes followed the movement of his hand without fully comprehending the action.

John watched as Alyssa's eyes kept following something in the air between them. _Oh geez, she's hallucinating. _

Roy saw the same thing Johnny was watching. He saw her raise her arms and swat at some unseen force in front of her while taking another ginger step backwards.

Bees seemed to be buzzing all around Alyssa. She watched in extreme fear as first one and then dozens more began to swarm around her. She raised her arms to swat at them and step back away from the menacing swarm and bumped into something. _Ohmygod! The giant's got me…._

Mike knew the others had seen him and he listened as Johnny spoke to her calmly allowing him to get a little closer. Then when he saw both her arms swing outwards he closed the distance between them. He firmly gripped her left wrist in his left hand and did the same with her right. He then wrapped his arms around her bringing her own arms around her in a self-hugging motion. In a microsecond Johnny made it to her; wrapping his arms around her lower body and helping Mike ease the writhing young woman to the ground.

"Nngghh!" Alyssa struggled against the creatures that now held her captive. The worms on her head were crushed against her ears and squirmed down her neck. Hot breath whispered into her ears telling her to be still. She could hear the heartbeat of the giant who now held her within his strong embrace while another creature with a shiny black head latched on to her legs and began pulling her down to the ground. Others joined him groping her and speaking all at once leaving her unable to comprehend their words. Darkness began to overtake her as she felt her body being pulled into the very bowels of hell. Then she caught a glimpse of the werewolf; his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his huge fangs dripping with blood as he stared hungrily at her.

"N…NOOO!" She screamed and found a burst of strength from somewhere deep inside. She jerked her arms away from the giant and kicked fiercely at the shiny headed creature. He too relaxed his grip when she screamed. She heard the giant behind her groan as she pulled away from him and ran into the night.

Mike was surprised at how warm her arms felt in the night air. She was sweating profusely and when Johnny grabbed her lower body and began to ease her to the ground Mike felt his own fingers begin to slip along her arms. He lost his grip on her damp arms just as she jerked away from him. The momentum of her jerking motion slammed her sharp elbow into his groin region.

"Uummph…." Mike moaned as the intense pain made its presence known. He moved his arms protectively around his manhood to prevent further attack as he curled into a tight ball on the ground.

"Shit….Mi…Alyssa!" Johnny grunted into the night having lost his grip on her when Mike did. He scrambled up and began the chase but several others were ahead of him.

"Aarruugh…..fuck!" Mike groaned seeing stars floating in front of his eyes as the nausea he knew was coming finally hit with full force.

Patches pulled free from Hanks grasp and ran ahead of the men. She understood enough to know that this stranger needed her master's help and Patches intended to see that she got it. Patches barked and ran behind Alyssa herding her in the direction Patches wanted her to go. As Alyssa neared the barn Patches made her move and jumped landing with all four paws on Alyssa's back. The force knocked Alyssa to the ground where the men of station 51 caught up with her.

"Alyssa, calm down…it's alright…..nobody's gonna hurt ya." Johnny tried to explain but she wasn't listening to him.

"Hold her down, Vince." Roy barked as Vince straddled Alyssa pressing his weight onto her to keep her from harming herself.

Roy pulled back on John's shoulder enough to get his attention. "Johnny, maybe you should get the squad and bring our gear over here. We've gotta get on the horn with Rampart fast." Roy knew that Johnny was too emotionally invested in Alyssa to be treating her.

Johnny sat back on his heels to rush to the squad when he felt Chet nudging him with the back of his hand.

"I'll go get it, Gage. You might want to go check on Mike." Chet said looking back in the direction where he'd left Mike on his knees.

Chet saw Hank shift his gaze from Alyssa back into the darkness looking for his engineer.

"Cap, Mike's puking up his nuts back there." Chet said as he hurried off in the direction of the squad.

"Get an ambulance rolling, Chet." Roy said looking down at his patient.

Johnny felt torn between wanting to check on his friend and feeling compelled to help Alyssa. His internal struggle was relieved to a degree when Roy looked into his eyes and gave him the assurance he needed to hear.

"I've got her, Junior. Go help, Mike." Johnny saw it in Roy's azure stare; the words he wasn't saying. Johnny was too close to the situation to be objective and he knew it.

He turned his attention to the form that still lay moaning in the darkness and jogged over to him.

"Hey, Mike….you ah…you..."

"Yea, uugh." Mike groaned in response.

Johnny felt sympathetic pain in his own private area as he bent down on one knee with a hand on Mike's shoulder. "Mike, why don't you let me check you out? You could have a some testicular trauma."

Mike gave Johnny a glare that froze him in place. "Oh…hell no!"

Johnny turned his face back to where Vince, Marco and Roy were working with Alyssa. He saw Patches panting beside the barn watching all the excitement. _Good Girl, Patches…..Good Girl! _He felt Mike shift his weight beneath his hand and refocused on his friend.

"Think you can stand?"

"Dunno, little help maybe?" Mike's sky blue eyes were bloodshot from the suffering he'd just endured.

Sure, John said standing and reaching back down to lend Mike a hand. "Easy, Mike."

The two made their way slowly back to where the others were standing. Hank reached his arm around Mike's waist and led him to where Chet had parked the squad. He helped ease Mike down on the running board.

John jumped back into paramedic mode opening the biophone and screwing in the antennae.

"Rampart this is squad 51. How do you read?"

While Johnny waited for Rampart to acknowledge the call he looked down at their now whimpering patient.

"John, you got any idea what she might be on?" Roy was confused by the symptoms he was mentally cataloging.

"Nu-uh. All I found in her back pack was an empty bottle of valium with Aunt Kitty's name on it."

"Roy, she's burning up." Marco said as he removed his hand the trembling girl's forehead.

Roy and Johnny both looked down at her. Her eyes were darting rapidly from side to side while her small body trembled uncontrollably. Rivulets of sweat were rolling down from her pale face. Her breathing was rapid and shallow and her resolve to fight off her rescuers was quickly waning.

"Na, nooo, just let me go, please…don..no..more." Her speech was rambling.

"I think you can get off her now, Vince." Roy managed just as the biophone came to life.

"Go ahead 51." Came the voice of Dr. Brackett.

"Rampart we have a female victim, age 19 appears to be the victim of an overdose. Standby for vitals."

Roy released the air from the bulb and pulled the stethoscope from his ears. He began to rapidly relay her vitals to Johnny who repeated them to Dr. Brackett while Roy continued with his assessment. He noted the scrapes and cuts on her hands and knees feeling her make a feeble attempt to push him away as he touched her.

"It's ok, Alyssa. No one's gonna hurt you. We're taking very good care of you."

"Hurt…..me…."

"Where Alyssa? Where do you hurt?" Roy asked palpating her pixie like body for any signs of injury.

Johnny watched as he waited for Brackett's orders and something in his memory began to make its way to the surface of the present._ Aunt Kitty…..you did this one time….._

Roy stopped when he reached her hips and dug into her front pocket to retrieve the small bottle of pills. Before he could read the label he was startled by Johnny's cry.

"Roy! Roy, facial edema!."

"Oxygen, Marco!" Roy called out as he recognized the symptoms.

Johnny reached across her and snatched the medicine bottle out of Roy's hand as Marco kneeled down beside him pulling out the oxygen mask and placing it on her face. He turned the pill bottle around until he could read the label.

"Damn it!"

"Rampart, Alyssa's going into anaphylactic shock induced by diazepam."

Dr. Brackett stared at the base station not quite sure what he'd just heard. He looked back at Sally who was taking notes and then pressed the button again.

"Repeat 51"

"Rampart, the victim is Alyssa Keener. Her mother had a history of a similar reaction to diazepam. It resulted in anaphylactic shock. She has a bottle of diazepam in her pocket and there are two pills missing." Johnny nearly shouted into the biophone.

Roy looked at the fear in his partners eyes and reached into the drug box for the epinephrine he knew was about to be ordered.

"Dr. Brackett, I was assisting Dr. Early this morning when she came in. He did prescribe four tablets of diazepam 5 mg each for her." Sally said with concern in her voice.

"51 administer 30 milligrams of epinephrine IM and prepare to insert an esophageal airway if necessary. Is the ambulance on scene?" Dr. Brackett's booming voice bellowed into the night.

"Affirmative, Rampart." Marco spoke into the microphone having taken over for John who had removed his shears and was cutting open her pant leg so Roy could administer the injection in her thigh.

Alyssa felt her clothing being torn away from her leg and a new fear made its way into her weary mind.

"Wha..no…." She tried to speak through the oxygen mask on her face.

Johnny looked up into her frightened eyes. He swept a gentle hand across her burning cheeks wisking away the damp strands of hair sticking to her face. "Sshhh, it's ok, Alyssa. I promise, you're gonna be ok."

His dark eyes swept rapidly across her face searching for some sign that she understood and believed him. Finding none, he continued. "Alyssa, I know who you are. I didn't before but I do now. Don't be afraid of me, please. I won't hurt you and neither will any of these guys. We're here to help you, sweetheart."

He noticed her flinch and knew that Roy had injected her with the life-saving medication. "It's over now. It's just a shot to make you feel better a'right?"

Alyssa knitted her eyebrows together. His voice seemed so far away and she couldn't make out what he was saying but his face displayed genuine concern. She tried to look around but she seemed to be floating…..inside a dark tunnel…..the darkness was closing in…..his voice fading in the distance….and then….nothing.


	24. Chapter 24

WARNING: strong language

A/N: Again, I apologize for medical errors.

The Gage Secret-24

John watched as Alyssa's symptoms began to subside somewhat. She continued to tremble and he tried to hold her arm still while Roy established the IV Dr. Brackett had just ordered.

"Want to put her on a backboard, Roy?"

"I hate to do it but we probably should. She's still pretty shaky and God help us if she decides to try to run again." He said as he lightly slapped the back of her hand trying to raise a vein.

"Better strap down those elbows." Mike mumbled with a grimace.

In short order Chet returned with the backboard. Alyssa offered no resistance as she was strapped down; her eyes only partially open.

Roy punctured the targeted vein and soon had the IV running wide open. He rechecked her vitals and noted that her heart rate had increased significantly. "Epi's working."

"Rampart this is squad 51."

"Go ahead 51."

"Victim is secured to a backboard and IV has been established. The epi was administered," John hesitated as he checked his watch. "Four minutes ago and her symptoms are diminished and pulse is now….."

"Cap, I think I'm gonna need to swap seats with you. I don't think I can get Big Red back home tonight." Mike said looking up at his superior.

Hank let his hand rest on Mike's shoulder. "Don't you worry, pal. I'll drive the old girl home while you go in with DeSoto and Gage."

"Ok….." It took a moment for Mike to comprehend what his captain intended. "Oh, Cap…..you're not gonna make me…"

"Yes, Mike. I am. Get yourself checked out at Rampart and cleared to finish your shift." Hank gave his engineer a compassionate squeeze on his shoulder.

"Better Brackett than Gage." Mike muttered. "Wonder if Dixie's allowed to do those exams?"

Hank slapped him on the back. "Atta boy, Mike. Nice to see your glass is always half full."

Hank reached down and offered Mike a hand. Slowly Mike rose to a somewhat awkward standing position and took a few tentative steps toward the ambulance.

"Easier to get you in before the stretcher goes in." Hank said as Mike half walked and half hobbled to the open back door of the ambulance.

Meanwhile, Alyssa was loaded onto the stretcher and rolled into the back of the ambulance. John stepped in and sat beside Mike followed by Roy who crouched in on the other side of their patient.

"We'll get you some ice as soon as we get there." Roy offered looking sympathetically at his comrade.

Mike winced at the thought of placing ice in such a tender location but he knew it was probably for the best.

Johnny was the first to notice that Alyssa's trembling seemed to be increasing as she began to resist the restraints. She rolled her head from side to side and her respirations were more rapid too.

"Alyssa, easy now. It's just the medicine making you feel nervous. Try to relax for us, ok?"

"Hmmm." She said while trying to open her eyes wider. She had no idea where she was being taken or what was happening.

The ride to Rampart seemed longer than usual as the two paramedics continued to monitor their patients. Both seemed to be improving slightly but Roy still breathed a sigh of relief as the ambulance doors opened and they made their way to the treatment rooms.

Mike was led to treatment room one by an orderly and assisted in getting onto the exam table while he waited to be seen.

In treatment room three, Alyssa was released from the confines of the backboard and transferred to the exam table. She immediately began to squirm and compromise her IV.

"Get a restraint for that arm, Sally." Dr. Brackett ordered as Dixie made her way into the room.

Roy immediately pulled Dixie aside and told her what had happened and about Mike waiting in the other exam room.

"Oh, poor Mike. Let me get him an ice pack while he waits." Dixie left to go see about Mike with Roy following her.

Johnny hated to see Alyssa restrained but knew it was necessary until her fidgeting lessened. He knew it would get better as the epinephrine wore off but he still hated to see her like that. Her eyes remained at half mast as she slowly became more alert.

A short time later, Dr. Early walked out of treatment room one after determining that Mike needed to go home for the remainder of his shift but cleared him to return for his next one. Mike walked out of the exam room just as Marco rounded the corner. He had brought in the squad for the paramedics.

"Cap's got the engine in the parking lot waiting for you. He knew that either way you'd need a ride back to the station." Marco said offering Mike his shoulder and assisting him out the door.

"Thanks, Lopez." Mike said as he managed to climb into the front seat.

"How you doin'?"

"Don't ask, Cap. I'm done for this shift but Early said I could come back next shift." He cast his superior a sideways glance. "Seems funny to have you sitting on my left."

"Ha, I bet it does, Stoker. Just don't get too comfortable in that seat." Cap said as he shifted into gear and headed back to the Station.

"Cap, I can't get comfortable in any seat right now." Mike said with a snicker.

Joe Early stood over Alyssa reading his notes from earlier in the day. He shook his head as he removed his reading glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. "I don't know, Kel. I did not intend to prescribe diazepam without explaining it to her first."

"Joe, don't beat yourself up. You were in the middle of a crisis with that kid; you are human you know."

"Kel," Joe began and then hesitated looking down at his young patient. "She's stable now but….if this had gone differently then I…."

"Stop it. She's stable and she's going to be alright. We'll keep her here a few days; don't think she's gonna protest that this time." Dr. Brackett looked back down at his patient. He noticed her eyes fluttering.

"I think she's coming around, Joe."

Dr. Brackett reached for her hand. "Alyssa, can you hear me?"

"Whe….where am I?" She asked; her words easier to understand now that her oxygen mask had been exchanged for a nasal cannula.

"You're at Rampart again." Kel said. "You, ah…you gave us a bit of a scare."

Joe looked over at Kel. "I'll go get Johnny." He whispered and walked out the door and down the corridor to the staff lounge.

He opened the door and saw both paramedics hugging cups of coffee. Johnny had a very forlorn look on his face. At the sound of the door opening, both men looked up.

Johnny's eyes were filled with questions but Joe answered them before he had a chance to ask.

"She's awake but groggy. You can see her now." He said smiling at John.

Johnny nearly ran out the door as Joe poured himself a cup of coffee and took the seat John had vacated. He looked at Roy with a stress filled face.

"I nearly blew it, Roy."

"Blew it how?" Roy asked, perplexed.

"I prescribed diazepam for her but I never explained to her what it'd do." Joe looked down into his coffee and shook his head. "I never told her it was different from pain medication."

"Dr. Early, you had a small boy dying in the next room. Don't blame yourself for this. It all worked out fine. Besides, it's not the first time she's taken diazepam before."

Joe looked up from his cup and fixed his eyes on Roy. "How do you know?"

"Well, John found her backpack in his barn the other day and he went through it to see if it'd help us find her. There was a pill bottle in there with Katherine Gage's name on it and it was for valium. That is the same thing as diazepam isn't it?" Roy knew that it was; his question was mainly rhetorical in nature.

"Roy, why would Katherine feel the need to give Alyssa her valium?" Joe was growing more concerned as the conversation continued.

"Well, we don't know that she did. John seems to think that Alyssa stole it. I mean, we really don't know much about her."

Joe listened as Roy explained what they knew about Alyssa. When he spoke he was more confused than before. "Roy, I've run a drug screen on her twice since she was first brought in. Both of them were negative. I agree that what you described happening out there tonight doesn't make sense for valium but I just don't have any other explanation. I mean, it could be a paradoxical effect but….. I just don't know."

"Doc, when we were in the field, Johnny mentioned something about Katherine having a similar event happen once before. If that's the case, then why would she take a chance by giving her daughter the same medication? The more I think about it the more I agree with Johnny; she had to have stolen it." Roy looked back down at his coffee cup as did Dr. Early; both were lost in thought about the mysteries of Alyssa Keener.

"Roy, Hank's on the phone for you." Dixie said through the partially opened lounge door. "You can take it at the nurse's station."

"Thanks, Dix." Roy said standing up.

"Yea, I need to get back to work to." Said Joe pouring out the remnants of his coffee and following Roy through the door.

"Cap?" Roy spoke into the phone. "Oh, ok sounds good. Yea…yea I'll tell him. Thanks, Cap."

"Cap's called in replacement for Johnny so he can stay here with Alyssa." Roy smiled turning to go to treatment room 3.

He reached for the door handle but was surprised when he was nearly knocked down by his partner exiting the room in an angry rush. "Uh, Junior….Cap's called in a replacement for you."

He watched as John stomped down the corridor to Dr. Brackett's office. He raised his hand to acknowledge he'd heard Roy before he shoved Kel's office door open.

"Yea,….you're welcome." Roy mumbled sarcastically.

The door opened again and a very agitated Kelly Brackett exited and headed straight for his office as well; swiftly shutting the door behind him.

"Uh-oh." Dixie spoke softly. "Don't like the looks of that."

E!

"You don't believe me do you?"

"Have a seat, John." Kel ordered.

"No, I think I'd rather stand." John shot back.

"Suit yourself." Dr. Brackett crossed his arms and sat with one hip on the corner of his desk facing the pacing John Gage.

"Suppose you give me one good reason why I shouldn't? I AM the physician in the room, you know." Dr. Brackett glared at his young paramedic.

Johnny squinted his eyes at Kel; his fury barely kept in check. "Because I'm her family, Doc. That ought to count for something."

"John, you're her family who didn't even know she existed until a few days ago. Now how the hell does that make you more qualified than me?"

John slammed an open fist into the nearest filing cabinet. "Yea, that's it. Rub it in that Alyssa and I don't come from some lofty wealthy family. That does NOT make us criminal and it sure as hell doesn't make us crazy!" He spat out his last few words through gritted teeth.

Neither one heard Dixie's soft knock on the door. When she got no answer she pushed it open enough that she heard most of the conversation.

"So," she began walking into Dr. Brackett's office with her arms folded across her chest and her pretty face tilted slightly to the right. Both men looked up at her.

"What is it, Dix?" Kel asked abruptly; steely eyes still fixed on his fuming paramedic who stood with both hands on his hips.

"I thought I'd come in and see if you two boys wanted to take it outside and piss on a few trees?"

Both men stared at her in confusion.

"What are you talkin' about?" Johnny finally asked.

"Obviously the two of you are trying to sort out which one is the alpha male so why don't you take it outside and mark your territory like the rest of the dogs do!" Dixie's face was steaming.

"The REST of the dogs?"

"That's right, Kel."

"Dixie you are out of line." Dr. Brackett said, then realized to whom he had spoken those harsh words.

"Kelly Brackett and John Gage – you both want to behave like this then you listen to me. Both of you SIT!" Dixie ordered.

Neither man balked at her order; both sat down and watched as she took over the conversation.

"Now, this is obviously about Alyssa. Am I right?" She asked.

Both agreed.

"Kel, what is it that you want to do that John doesn't agree with?"

"He wants to…" John started before he was cut off.

"Shut up, Johnny! I asked Dr. Brackett a question and I want to hear his answer." Dixie turned her attention back to Kel.

"I wanted to….I AM going to admit her to the psychiatric unit for an evaluation." Kel said with his blue eyes sending daggers at John.

"Ok," Dixie started then turned to John. "Now, Johnny, why do you disagree with him?"

Johnny gritted his teeth in an attempt to keep his temper in check. "Because she is NOT mentally ill!" He grunted back at Dr. Brackett.

"And how do you know this, John?" Dixie asked.

"Because my Aunt…her biological mother….behaved in EXACTLY the same way a few years ago. I was taking her to have some dental work done. She'd been given a prescription for valium and was directed to take one before having the procedure done. Before I got her to the oral surgeon's office she started hallucinating, spiked a fever and was acting the same way Alyssa did tonight; even had the same anaphylactic shock symptoms too. Scared the hell outta me! I had to take her to an ER where it was determined that she had a reaction to the valium she took. We found a bottle of diazepam in Alyssa's pocket prescribed to her TODAY by Dr. Early and two of them had been taken already." When Johnny had finished he leaned back in his chair.

"Now, Kel, is that a reasonable explanation to you or do you see something else going on with Alyssa?" Dixie said turning once more to face Dr. Brackett.

"Her symptoms included more than hallucinations. Plus, if two pills were missing then she did not take them as prescribed; assuming she took them at all. I know that Joe ran a drug screen on her a little more than 12 hours ago which just so happens to be the SECOND negative drug screen in a few days which leads me to believe that her behavior was NOT induced by some freak reaction to diazepam!"

Dixie looked back and forth between the two men. "Well, if she's alert enough now then why don't we just go talk to her and see what she has to say? Johnny, Roy mentioned that you found a bottle of diazepam in her backpack that had Katherine Gage's name on it. Is that true?" Dixie questioned.

"Yea," John sat back and crossed one leg over the other knee. He leaned his left elbow on the arm rest of the chair he was sitting in and rested his forehead against his clinched fist. "I assume she must have stolen it from Aunt Kitty. I just don't see Aunt Kitty giving her something that could cause such a reaction in her."

"And if she did steal it and if she did take the diazepam then she should have had a similar reaction. If she did she'd sure as hell know it. She'd probably have been hospitalized because of it too. That's why I say it isn't totally related to diazepam." Kel was determined to win this argument.

Dixie was determined to let the patient have her chance to explain herself. "Gentlemen, our patient here is a legal adult who right now is conscious and alert just a few feet down the hallway. Now, why don't we all just walk in there and ask her a few questions. If she gives us plausible answers then, Kel will you agree not to send her to the psychiatric unit? And Johnny, if her answers are not plausible then will you agree for her to be hospitalized in the psychiatric unit? Her well-being is the goal here for both of you right? Physical, emotional and mental?" She looked back and forth between them waiting for an answer.

"Yea"

"Sure"

"Then let's go shall we?" Dixie said leading them towards treatment room three.


	25. Chapter 25

The Gage Secret-25

"Feeling better?" Sally asked as she removed the thermometer from Alyssa's mouth.

"Yes, just really tired." Alyssa replied without looking up at the nurse.

"Well, your fever is down to just 99 degrees so that's good."

Sally noticed that Alyssa didn't respond to her. She just let her head roll listlessly to the side facing the wall and away from Sally.

"Alyssa, the doctor wants you to stay with us for a while for observation. We'll get you moved to a room in just a few minutes. Then you can get some rest." Sally watched as Alyssa nodded in acknowledgement but made no other effort to communicate.

Sally turned around when she heard a brief knock at the treatment room door and smiled warmly as Dixie, Johnny and Dr. Brackett all entered the room.

"Alyssa, looks like you have some company. I'll call and see if your room is ready. I'll come back and get you if it is." She patted her patient on the shoulder before exiting.

"Thanks, Sally." Dr. Brackett offered as he opened the door for the retreating nurse.

"Fever's down to 99 degrees and she's alert but fatigued." Sally gave the trio a weak smile as she left.

Dixie sauntered over to the bed and walked around to the side nearest the wall. She deliberately placed herself in Alyssa's line of sight. "Hi there. Sally says you're doing better."

Alyssa looked up briefly then cast a weary glance at the two men standing on her left. "Just really tired is all."

"That's to be expected, Alyssa. We're gonna get you in a room and then let you sleep, alright?" Kel gave her his most compassionate smile and felt relief wash over him when she shook her head affirmatively.

Johnny looked at Alyssa in her relaxed state and was amazed at how much she looked like Katherine Gage. He'd seen plenty of pictures of his Aunt Kitty as a young woman and the resemblance was breath taking. With her bruises beginning to fade he was able to see a sprinkling of freckles dotting her nose and cheeks. _Got those from your father's side I guess. _He wanted to say something to her but no words seemed appropriate. He was relieved somewhat when Dr. Brackett spoke up next.

"Alyssa, we need to ask you a few questions about tonight."

Alyssa turned her head at the sound of Kel's voice. She tried not to look at John but his nearness made it difficult. "I..I'm in trouble, huh?"

"No, sweetie, no you aren't in trouble." John jumped in before Dr. Brackett could respond.

"What makes you think you're in trouble?" Dr. Brackett questioned.

She didn't reply; she merely closed her eyes to dam up the tears that were about to fall.

"Alyssa, no one is in trouble but we'd like for you to tell us what you remember." Dixie coaxed with her comforting motherly smile.

Alyssa stared into the air around her for a long moment before responding. "Ple…please, I want to talk to Dr. Early." She said casting her pleading dark eyes up at the small group gathered around her in the treatment room. "Please?"

Her pleading was interrupted by Sally returning. "Um, Dr. Brackett, she can be transferred to the floor now. Room 245 is ready."

"Thank you, Sally." He then turned back to his young patient. "I'll tell you what. Let's get you settled into your room and as soon as Dr. Early gets finished with his patient then he'll come up and talk with you. Is that ok with you?"

"Alone….please?" She asked in a trembling child-like voice.

Dixie quickly answered her before Kel or Johnny could disagree. "Of course, Alyssa. Just you and Dr. Early."

Alyssa nodded and closed her eyes leaving the three medical professionals with no more answers than they had when first they had walked in.

E!

"Let's go to my office. I'll ask Joe to join us." Dr. Brackett motioned Dixie and Johnny toward his office as he stopped in the next treatment room.

"Joe, can you come to my office when you get finished in here?"

"Sure, Kel. Gimme just a minute." Dr. Early then turned back to the young boy and his mother. "Now, take these as directed and if he isn't better in a couple of days then bring him back in."

"Thank you, Dr. Early. Come on, Timmy." She said to her young son and Joe smiled as he watched the two of them leave. He then headed straight to room 127 to see what his colleague needed to discuss with him.

E!

Johnny sat down across from Dr. Brackett while Dixie took the seat to his left. "Doc, about the things I said earlier. I'm…"

Kel knew where Johnny was headed and held up a hand to stop him. "Johnny, we both behaved badly. No need to apologize. Let's put it behind us."

"I can't, Doc. I mean, you're over the paramedic program and….I don't want to lose my job. I was insubordinate and I know it. If you need to reprimand me…"

"Johnny, are you gonna file a grievance against me with Rampart administration?"

"Huh? No, why would I do that?"

"Because of how I acted. No grievance and no reprimand, deal?" Kel said extending a hand to John.

"Yea, deal." Johnny said shaking Dr. Brackett's hand firmly.

Dixie rolled her eyes and was relieved when Joe knocked on the door and entered. "Please come on in Joe before these two start having 'make-up' sex."

Joe's eyes widened at Dixie's comment. "Guess I missed something."

"John and I had a minor disagreement earlier. That's all. Have a seat." Kel also sat down behind his desk.

"Joe, the three of us just left Alyssa Keener. We were trying to find out exactly what happened to her after she left here earlier today. John says that her symptoms match symptoms that her biological mother exhibited a few years ago after taking diazepam. I'm not totally convinced that what happened was a reaction to medication. Now, we went in to talk with her about what happened or at least what she can remember happened and….well, she wants to talk to you…alone." Kel said looking at his friend.

"Uh-oh….sounds like I'm in for a tongue lashing from my young patient."

"I don't think so, Joe. You should have seen the look in her eyes when she was asking to speak to you. I think she trusts you and she's willing to open up to you." Dixie had seen the pleading in Alyssa's eyes and she wanted Joe to understand how important it was that he do this.

"Well, of course, is she still in 3?" He asked making a move to stand up.

"She's being moved to the floor. Room 245." John said.

Kel took over the conversation again. "Joe, we need to know everything she did after leaving here. What did she eat, drugs she may have taken. We need to know her mood, etc."

"What is it you aren't telling me, Kel?"

"He's concerned that there's some mental illness going on and I'm convinced that it's totally a reaction to the diazepam." John spoke up; his voice much softer and less accusatory than when he and Dr. Brackett had there shouting match earlier.

"Ok, let me see what I can do and I'll get back with you. Might take me a while."

"Understandable. Take your time." Kel offered standing.

"I'll, uh…I'll wait in the lounge." Johnny said in a rather dejected sounding voice.

"Well, once I have something to report I'll let you all know….but, if she asks me to keep the information confidential then please respect that. I'll do what I can to convince her to let me share with you all."

"Her well-being is more important than anything so if she doesn't want us to know then we understand…right fellas?" Dixie asked glaring at Johnny and Kel.

"Absolutely." Said Kel.

"You bet." Johnny responded.

"Ok, well wish me luck." Joe said as he exited Kel's office and headed for the elevators.

"Dix? Make-up sex?" Kel asked.

Dixie heard Johnny snicker. "Yea, Dix. Make-up sex is great…..but not with him!"

"I was just trying to provide a little comedic relief. You two were getting way to sappy for me." She said with a twinkle in her eye. She couldn't help but notice that when Kel and John walked toward the staff lounge there was a little bit more distance between them and she just smiled and nodded her head.

E!

Joe Early stood in front of room 245 having no idea what he was about to get himself into. He knocked softly and heard a meek voice requesting him to enter.

"Hello, Alyssa." He smiled at her.

"You came." She said reaching for the button to raise the head of her bed up just a little.

"Of course, here let me help you with that." He offered reaching for the button.

"I understand you preferred to talk to me rather than the others…I'm flattered…and yes, I came up as soon as I found out." He gave her his warmest fatherly smile and watched how her features relaxed.

"They're mad at me." Alyssa said looking down at the blanket covering her.

"What makes you think they're mad at you?"

"I can just tell. They looked angry when they walked in." She sighed.

"They're 'concern' look is a lot like they're 'angry' look. Believe me, they are concerned about you….so am I." He waited to see if she'd respond. When she didn't he forged ahead.

"Alyssa, I'm sorry that I didn't explain to you that I was prescribing diazepam. Have you ever been told not to take it or any other medication?" He hoped she'd take the bait he was dangling out for her.

"No, my mother said she had a reaction to valium one time. She gave me the empty bottle to keep with me so I'd remember the name of the medication in case I inherited that problem from her."

Joe looked down at his hands before continuing. "Valium is the brand name for the drug diazepam. I'm afraid that what you took was in fact the same drug your mom had a reaction to."

He watched as understanding appeared on her face. "I didn't know."

"I know and I'm sorry for that…."

"No, please don't be sorry. I shouldn't have…I mean.." She was stammering; she'd almost revealed too much.

"Alyssa, what happened after you left here this afternoon? I want to document what happened so we can make sure it never happens again." He asked with sincerity in his eyes.

She hesitated before she answered. "Um, I got the medication filled and I just walked around a while. Then I decided to go to John's house. I wanted to give him a note. I took a bus ride to get as close as I could and then I walked the rest of the way."

Joe noticed the change in her voice and how she had dropped her eyes again. "Have you talked to John?"

"No, I can't. He hates me." She mumbled.

"No, Alyssa. He does NOT hate you. He's worried about your health….and he wants to get to know you better." He was trying to get his point across to her when she interrupted him.

"I'm not like him." She said barely above a whisper.

"Oh you are much more like him than you realize." Joe decided to change the subject off of Gage and back onto Alyssa.

"Alyssa, did you take anything other than one diazepam?"

She hesitated. "My head was hurting and I took one of those pain pills I got when I was here the first time. I was on the bus and it hit a bump and I dropped the other two. After I got to John's and left him the note I took…" She sighed knowing what she was about to do. "I took two of those..those pills you prescribed for me." She could feel her eyes burning now.

Joe listened intently. "Alyssa, I'm glad you're being honest with me. Because now what you experienced makes a lot more sense. I have to ask you a question though….when you took all that medication so close together….we're you trying to hurt yourself?"

Joe watched as the dam holding back Alyssa's tears was breached and she quickly began wiping her tears as he continued to listen to her.

E!

John sat staring at his third cup of coffee and listening to the ticking of the clock in the staff lounge. He was startled when the door opened up and Dixie stuck her head in.

"Johnny, Joe's back. He wants us to meet in Kel's office now."

Johnny jumped up from his seat and headed straight for Kel's office and what he hoped would be good news.


	26. Chapter 26

The Gage Secret-26

Johnny held the door open for Dixie and the two of them took a seat. Momentarily, Joe entered with a cup of coffee in his hand followed shortly by Kel.

"Have a seat, Joe." The dark haired physician said to his friend.

"Thanks, Kel." He said seating himself across from Kel's desk.

"Well, I'll get right to the point." Joe said looking around the room. "It took some talking but Alyssa did consent for me to discuss things with you. She's actually quite a remarkable young lady; exceptionally bright and very complex."

John leaned forward with his elbows resting on his knees drinking in every word Dr. Early spoke.

"First let me say that she is extremely sensitive. Her first thought when she saw the three of you enter her treatment room was that you were very angry with her."

"Why? What'd we do to make her think that?" Dixie couldn't imagine what made Alyssa feel that way.

"I think she picked up on the fact that you all had been in a bit of a heated discussion before you went to see her." Joe surmised.

"Guess we'll have to be more careful when we visit with her." Johnny spoke to no one in particular.

Joe continued. "I asked her if she'd ever been told not to take diazepam or any other meds. She told me the same thing you did, John."

Johnny looked up from the floor at Dr. Early; then leaned back in his seat to continue listening.

"She explained that her mother had a similar reaction to valium and had given her an empty bottle prescribed for her years ago. That way Alyssa would know what to avoid just in case she might have a similar reaction." He hung his head before he continued. "Since I failed to explain what I was prescribing she had no idea that what she was taking was actually the same thing."

"Well, Johnny, that explains why you found that bottle in her back pack. She didn't steal it." Dixie noted.

"Ok, I guess I was wrong about her needing psychiatric care then." Kel said looking from behind his steepled hands.

"Not so fast, Kel." Joe said shifting in his seat and looking directly at his colleague.

"She did admit to me that she took two of them – not just one as prescribed. And she took those two less than two hours after taking an acetaminophen with codeine." Joe said with a concerned look in his eyes.

Dixie closed her eyes thinking about why Alyssa might do such a thing.

"Maybe she didn't know what could happen? Maybe she was just in pain and wanted it to stop?" Johnny offered as an excuse.

"Joe? Your thoughts?" Kel asked again.

Joe inhaled deeply and blew out his breath while seeming to examine his hands. He then glanced up into the faces of his three friends. "Kel, I'm not a psychologist but I don't believe that what happened out there tonight with her was a manifestation of some type of psychosis."

"So you agree it was the medication then?" Johnny questioned.

"No, not entirely." He looked back at his hands and clasped them together in front of him searching for a way to explain the concept he wanted to convey. "See, look at it from her perspective for a moment. For sixteen years, her entire life, she thought that the woman who had been raising her was her mother. She loved her as much as any child loves a parent. Then, she not only lost her to death but she also lost her trust in this woman. She felt lied to. Then she found her biological mother only to learn that her father had died in an accident before she was born and that her mother's parents, Alyssa's grandparents had rejected her – before they even knew her. Finally, her biological mother meets her and soon afterwards she's killed in a traffic accident."

"Poor child." He heard Dixie say.

"She's had so many losses and rejections in just a couple of years and at her young age she just doesn't really know how to deal with it." Joe hoped the others understood what he was trying to say.

"Joe, you think she's suicidal?" Kel asked leaning forward over his desk again.

"No, I don't."

"But Doctor Early, you just said that she intentionally took those meds wrong." Johnny said feeling empathy for his young cousin.

"Yes, John, I did. See, she assured me that she didn't want to die…she just wants the pain to stop."

"Oh God….from her injuries that I gave her?" John whispered questioningly.

"No…..it's not physical pain that's the problem….it's psychological pain." He said softly.

The others understood then.

"She needs help, Dr. Early…..Dr. Brackett, you were right." John said standing.

"Not exactly, Johnny. I thought she was perhaps mentally ill. I really didn't think about it as depression. I guess we were both right and both wrong, huh?" Kel said.

"Oh good Lord….drop it alright you two?" Dixie began. "We've got a patient who needs our help. Joe," she said turning to face him. "Do you think she'll accept some counseling perhaps?"

"I believe that right now she's open to anything that will make her feel better; counseling…..or something quick and easy, much less helpful…she's vulnerable..very vulnerable just now." Joe looked at the assembled group hoping they understood what he was saying.

"Dr. Early….." John gulped as he searched for the right words to ask his question. "She, uh…did she mention me? I mean, is she still afraid of me?" John was afraid of the answer he might get but he had to know.

"Yes, she did, Johnny. She thinks you hate her."

"What?"

"Don't take it so hard, John. I tried to reassure her that you absolutely did not hate her. I explained that you were concerned about her and that you wanted to get to know her."

"But Dr. Early, how can I get to know her if she doesn't want to see me or even talk to me?" He asked.

"Listen, I stayed with her until she fell asleep. She needs her rest but I did get her to agree to let you stay in the room with her if you wanted to. It's your choice, John but I think it would go a long way in her recovery if you'd be there when she woke up." Joe looked into the face of the young paramedic and saw something that almost never showed up there…fear.

"He's right, Johnny. You don't have to say anything or ask her any questions about what's happened. Just be there." Dixie knew that John was afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. But she also knew that almost nothing he could say or do would be wrong. Alyssa had experienced a lot of rejections and losses….it was time she became accepted and found.

E!

Johnny softly knocked on the door of room 245. He received no answer and slowly opened the door. By the dim light coming in from the hallway and from the streetlights outside her window, he could see Alyssa. She was lying on her back with her face turned slightly towards the window. He sat down slowly in the chair beside her bed; glad that she'd been placed in a private room. His watch indicated it was 2:00 am and he was exhausted. He wanted to lie down and sleep himself but he also felt a fierce need to stand guard over her. He watched as her eyes began to move rapidly beneath her closed eyelids. Several small twitches could be seen beneath the covers. _I hope you're having pleasant dreams, Alyssa. _But he feared that the images she was seeing in her sleep were not pleasant ones at all.

At some point, his head leaned back against the wall and he began to drift off himself only to be brought back to full consciousness by small whimpers. He brought his head forward and scrubbed his face with his hands to fully awaken his tired mind. He wanted to calm her; to reach out and offer her some comfort. But he didn't want to awaken her and so he sat hoping that her dream would end before it became a nightmare.

As the minutes ticked away Alyssa became more restless. Johnny stepped over to her bed and carefully lowered the bedrail. He sat on the edge and began to whisper "ssshhh" to her. He watched her move her head from side to side and noticed that a slight sheen was forming on her face.

"Alyssa, honey wake up…you're having a bad dream." He whispered a little louder.

Again she shifted and whimpered becoming more and more agitated in her dream world.

Finally Johnny knew he needed to wake her. He gently gripped both shoulders and lightly shook her until she gasped, coughed and rolled onto her side.

"Easy, Alyssa…wake up." He said again letting his right hand slide down her left arm to hold it firmly in case she awoke with a start. He didn't want her to compromise her IV.

"Alyssa." He raised his voice a little more and watched her eyes fly open in terror. She released a half scream before she caught herself and then began to cry convulsively without really looking at him. He couldn't stand seeing and hearing her like this. Without thinking he instinctively wrapped his arms around her; lifting her small frame out of her bed and holding her firmly against his chest in an embrace.

"Alyssa….ssshhh, sweetheart. I've got you. You're ok, you're alright. It was just a dream." He continued speaking his reassuring words to her as she sobbed into his chest. He didn't know if she was fully awake or not. She wasn't resisting his efforts to calm her. He continued rocking her gently and rubbing her back while whispering to her and eventually he felt her relax. When her breathing evened out and he knew she was completely asleep again he carefully eased her back down into her bed. He pulled the covers back up over her making sure that her IV was positioned appropriately. He pulled the bedrail back up and then returned to the chair. This time he released the small lever and leaned back into a reclining position. Hopefully, he could get a few hours of sleep before she awoke again.


	27. Chapter 27

The Gage Secret-27

Wake up tones sounded and the four members of A-shift, plus B-shift's engineer groggily returned to the world of wakefulness . Brice, who had come in a few hours early to finish John's shift was already awake and reading the paper as the coffee perked.

"Good morning, Roy. I trust your sleep was restful." Brice commented without moving his eyes off the paper.

"Uh, yea….glad it was quiet." He wasn't sure if Brice's comment was a statement or a question but either way his response was quite genuine. He was very glad he'd not had to go on a run with the walking rule book.

The other men made their way one by one to the kitchen.

"Roy, you gonna go by the hospital this morning?"

"Yea, Cap. Thought I'd drive over there and then call Joanne to meet me there when she drops the kids off at school. Between the two of us we should be able to get Johnny's rover over there for him." Roy said standing up from the table as he noted the coffee was ready.

"Well, let John know to check in with me by next shift." Hank said as he poured his own coffee and headed to his office.

"Will do, Cap. Thanks."

E!

John turned in the uncomfortable hospital chair and the squeaking sound made by his uniform sliding on the plastic woke him up. He quickly realized that at some point over the last few hours someone had kindly covered him with a blanket. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and glanced over at Alyssa. She lay perfectly still; asleep but peacefully so now. For that he was grateful.

He paused for a moment trying to get his bearings and a low rumble in his stomach reminded him that he needed to eat. He stood up as quietly as possible and slipped out the door. Passing by the nurse's station he heard a familiar voice speak.

"Morning, John."

He turned around to see the source of the sound and saw a nurse he knew only as Charlotte standing looking at him with a smile on her face.

"Oh, mornin'." He mumbled, not quite feeling cheerful but trying to force a smile on his face.

"Need some coffee? We have some back here." She offered.

"Oh yea, that'd be great." He yawned and found himself running his hands through his untamed hair hoping to make himself more presentable than he felt.

Charlotte walked over to the pot and poured him a complimentary cup. "Don't know how long you'll be with us but we keep a fresh pot on at all times so help yourself."

"Thank you, Charlotte." He looked around the floor as he blew a cooling breath on the dark liquid. "You manning this place alone?"

She smiled sheepishly. "No, Tabitha is in with a patient now. She has those patients and I have these." She said sweeping her hand in either direction as she spoke.

Realization dawned on Johnny's face. "Guess you brought me the blanket then. Thanks."

"Yes, you looked a little cool when I went in to check her vitals a couple of hours ago." Charlotte hesitated before continuing. "Is she still sleeping?"

"Yea, peacefully now." He said taking a sip and relishing the feel of the warming liquid making its way down his throat.

"I, uh…I thought I heard her cry out once during the night. I peeked in on her but it looked like you had her calmed down so I just left you two alone."

"She was having a nightmare. I tried to wake her up; not sure she ever did but the dreaming stopped."

Charlotte knew there was much more to it than John was revealing. She had stood in the doorway long enough to know that Alyssa was crying pitifully and John had soothed her back to sleep with his comforting ways. She was thankful her young patient had not been alone at that moment.

"Uh, Charlotte I think I'm gonna go get some breakfast. I don't know if she'll wake up while I'm gone but if she does will you let her know please?" He asked.

"Of course. She should have a tray coming up within the hour. Hope she's feeling well enough to eat." Charlotte said.

"Me too. Thanks for the coffee….and the blanket." He grinned and shuffled toward the elevator.

E!

Roy pulled his sports car into the parking lot at Rampart. He made his way inside to find out which room Alyssa was in hoping Johnny was still there. _Surely he was able to stay with her._

He made his way over to the elevators, pressed the button and waited for the metallic doors to open. He looked up when he heard the ding and as the doors opened a very haggard but familiar face greeted him.

Johnny felt the elevator halt on the ground floor and waited for the doors to open. As the silver doors slid apart he pushed himself off the elevator wall to take a step out and nearly bumped into the person standing there waiting to enter.

"Oh, uh…hey Roy."

"Morning, how is she?" Roy asked noting that Johnny looked tired.

"Sleeping, I was just going to get some breakfast. Wanna join me?" John asked hoping his partner would provide him with some company…and a sounding board.

"Sure, Junior." He said turning to walk with John toward the cafeteria. "Jo's gonna come over when she drops off the kids at school. We'll go get your rover and bring it back here."

"Oh man, I didn't even think about that. Thanks, Roy. I really appreciate that." John said as they each grabbed a tray and made their way through the line.

They each ate their meal as John filled in a few of the missing pieces for Roy.

"Well, do you feel better knowing that Katherine gave her that bottle; I mean, at least you know she didn't steal it?" Roy asked sipping his orange juice.

Johnny let his eyes drift down to his plate before answering. "Yea, I feel better about that part. I'm not feeling too good about myself right now though."

"Junior.."

"No Roy….it's just that she's had a really tough time and….well, I want to help her." He looked up at Roy then holding his coffee in front of him. "I just…I know what I went through as a kid and I don't know if sharing that would be good for her or bad for her to hear, you know? You ever wonder if maybe you're not the right person for the job?" Johnny looked down into his coffee and took a sip.

Roy hesitated before answering. He knew he had to get it right. He finished his milk and placed his napkin on his plate before picking up his coffee cup.

"Johnny, remember when I was thinking of quitting the paramedic program?"

"Yea." John answered leaning slightly forward in his seat.

"Well, lots of people gave me really good advice including you. All of you said that I should continue but Dr. Bracket said something that has really stuck with me and I think it's appropriate for you in this situation." Roy sipped his coffee staring directly into his partner's eyes.

"I'm listening."

"He mentioned something about how we all get scared in certain situations and that we should feel that way. But, in times when we are afraid of making a mistake, we have to look around us. If there's no one else around who can do the job as well as we can then we have to pick up the ball and run with it." Roy watched as his younger partner began to grasp the meaning of his words. "Johnny, I'm sure you are scared not knowing what to say or do in this situation but you aren't alone. There are plenty of very knowledgeable folks who have the right education and skills to help Alyssa and help you with her. But, you are the only family she has left. You have answers to questions she doesn't even know to ask yet. And like you said, you have an intimate knowledge of what she's dealing with; more so than anyone else I know."

Johnny gave his head a slow nod indicating he understood.

"Right now, look around you. If you don't see anyone else who can do the job as well as you then you have to pick up this ball and run with it."

John could feel his emotions swirling. He knew he could answer questions for her; fill in gaps with information about her family that she may need to know. He also knew the pain that she'd be going through. She'd need professional psychological care and if she'd agree to it then he'd make sure she got it. But, she also needed family support. And right now, looking around, he was the only one who could provide her with that; he was the only one who could run with it.

E!

The two reached the elevators and John pushed the up button.

"Oh, I didn't realize what time it was, Johnny. Jo should be here soon. I think I'll just wait for her in the lobby and then we'll come up together." He said glancing at his watch.

"Ok, she's in room 245." Johnny said as the doors opened.

"Alright, see you in a few." Roy waved turning to head for the lobby.

E!

Alyssa awoke to the sound of the breakfast tray cart being shuttled down the hall. She tried to stretch then realized just how sore she was. She could tell she was in a hospital and began to think back to the events that brought her to this place. She remembered that John was involved somehow and then she remembered talking to Dr. Early. She closed her eyes as her mind drifted back to the gray haired physician and how kind he'd been to her. She'd told him more than she ever thought she could tell a stranger but he didn't seem surprised or disgusted. He just listened and didn't pass judgement on her. She felt comfortable with him. She'd even let him talk her into allowing John to stay with her in her room if he wanted to.

She looked around but saw no sign of him. An extra blanket had been folded and placed on the chair beside her bed but obviously he hadn't needed it. _He decided not to come. He abhors me. _She felt hot tears begin to sting the backs of her eyes just as a knock came to her door.

"Come in." She spoke in a ragged breath.

"Miss Keener, I have your breakfast." Said a sweet gray haired lady who set the tray down on the bedside table and then retreated.

Alyssa looked down at the tray and felt a new sense of defeat. She was alone; dependent on the kindness of strangers to meet her needs. She felt like a burden knowing that she had no means of paying her hospital bill. Dr. Early had explained it all to her and she knew that she'd receive the same care as those who had insurance or who could pay privately. The problem was that she didn't feel deserving of their care. She was a nobody. She was no one's child; no one's sister. And she certainly wasn't anyone's granddaughter. She had nothing; owned nothing. And right now she felt like she was nothing. She wiped a tear from her eye then picked up the orange juice on her tray just as another knock sounded on her door.

Johnny thought he'd heard a soft voice invite him in but tentatively cracked open the door just in case she was still sleeping. He saw her sitting up in bed with her breakfast tray in front of her.

"Hey, nice to see you're awake." He offered with a smile closing the door behind him.

Alyssa looked at him and realized he was still wearing his uniform. He hadn't stayed with her. He was just getting off from work and stopped by out of some obligation to Kitty. The last thing she wanted was his pity. She preferred no contact at all rather than to have someone around pretending to be concerned about her when she knew in her heart that no one truly cared.

John watched as she picked at the food on her tray; noting that she neither made eye contact with him nor spoke to him.

"I know. The food sucks here. I've been hospitalized here many times. Why don't you eat what you can and then I'll get you some muffins or something from the cafeteria; they're better than this stuff." He offered with a grin.

"'S ok." She said softly never looking at him.

John swallowed hard. He tried different ways to engage her in a conversation but nothing was working. The silence was uncomfortable.

Alyssa was feeling uncomfortable too. She was too upset to eat. She was too confused to talk. She wanted to cry but refused to do so in front of a stranger; and John Gage was in fact a stranger to her. A stranger who felt an obligation to her biological mother or else he wouldn't be here. Truthfully, she didn't want him to be here.

"You don't have to stay here you know. I'm a big girl." She said with sarcasm.

John was taken aback by her brazenness. "Yes, I know I don't and I know you aren't a child anymore. I'm sorry if I made you feel that way." He said kicking himself internally for whatever he'd said or done that upset her.

"Then why don't you just leave. You don't owe me anything."

Again, Johnny swallowed hard but a bit of anger was developing in his gut. He knew he'd hurt her and he'd expected a bit of fear from her but he'd not expected this.

"Alyssa," he began walking closer to her bed. "I do owe you something. I owe you an apology for what happened in my barn that morning but that isn't why I'm here. I'm.."

He was surprised when she glared at him with daggers in her eyes and interrupted his sentence. "Then why are you here, John?" _Why didn't you come last night, huh? Couldn't stand to be around me that long right? _

"I'm here because I care about you Alyssa. You and I are.."

"Are nothing, John. You and I are nothing. We have nothing in common and…and I don't want you to care about me. So don't!" She again interrupted him raising her voice.

John stood up a little straighter gritting his teeth together forming a thin line with his lips. He could see the shimmer in her eyes where her unshed tears were pooling. He also understood why but he'd play her game for now.

"Ok." He said shoving his hands in his pockets. "Alright, have it your way. But let me fill you in on a little something." He stepped up right beside her bed and watched as her breathing became more and more rapid.

"You can kick me out of this hospital room if you want to. That's your choice and your right. You can kick me out of your life if you want. That's also your choice and your right." He then leaned over with his hands on the side of her bed and got directly into her line of sight. He was so near he could feel her trembling and hear her breathing. "But, you can NOT keep me from caring about you." He stood up then. "Because that's MY choice and MY right. And I choose to care."

He walked toward the door and looked back to see her crying. "I'm gonna go home and get cleaned up. I have a couple of your things at my house and I'm gonna bring'em back to you. While I'm gone you think about what I just said."

Alyssa watched him close the door behind him and heard his footsteps walking down the hallway. She let her face fall into her open hands; no longer able to hold back her tears. Her only living relative had just walked out on her. The same one she'd dreamed about last night; dreamed he was holding her while she wept. And even though the pain in her heart was incredibly intense right now, she knew she had done the right thing by pushing him away – it was what she had to do.


	28. Chapter 28

The Gage Secret-28

Roy stood in front of the entrance to Rampart rocking back on his heels. He'd seen Joanne pull their family sedan into a parking space and now stood watching her walk toward the entrance. A smile spread on his face; he enjoyed watching her when she had no idea he was doing so. He'd loved her since they were just kids and his heart nearly burst with pride as she came into the hospital lobby.

"Hey handsome." She crooned when she caught sight of him waltzing up to her. She cocked her head playfully to one side and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes." He whispered into her ear. He held her close drinking in the scent of her shampoo before he nippled playfully on her earlobe.

"Ah-ah." She chided. "We have an audience here; better wait until we get home." She said pulling back from his embrace and gazing into the sea of blue that stood before her. His uniform made his eyes glisten and she loved it.

"So, how is she?" Jo asked grasping Roy in the crook of his elbow as they walked side by side toward the elevators.

"Not sure. I haven't seen her yet. I had breakfast with Johnny and he's really worried about her. It sounds like physically she's gonna be fine; assuming she stays away from the valium. But emotionally she's not doing so well."

Roy filled her in as they waited for the elevator. The doors opened and both were surprised to see Johnny brushing past them. He didn't see them standing there until Roy called out his name.

"Junior?"

"Huh? Oh, hey. Hi, Joanne." He offered in a very subdued voice.

"Johnny, what's wrong?" She asked pulling him out of the way of the others trying to step onto the elevator.

He stood with his back to the wall and exhaled hard staring at his feet. He finally raised his chin up enough to see his two friends. "She, ah….she kicked me out. She doesn't want to see me."

"What?" Roy asked dumbfounded as he heard his wife suck in her breath with a hissing sound.

"Yep, said she didn't want me to care and that she wanted me to leave." He toed the tile on the floor while keeping his hands secured in his pockets.

"Johnny, I'm…I'm sorry." Roy said not sure what else to say or do at the moment.

"Yea, well…..me too. Listen, can you run me back over to the station? I need to get my things and then go home. I'd like to change clothes and then …uh…bring her backpack over here."

"Of course." Roy said fishing in his pocket for his keys.

"Uh, Jo, why don't you go on back home and I'll ….." he stopped mid-sentence when he saw her icy glare.

"The hell I will!" Jo stood firmly in place quickly glancing back and forth between the two paramedics. "There's a young woman upstairs here who needs a little sisterly advice. And I think I'm just the person to give it too."

John watched the wheels inside Joanne's head turning and then cast her a crooked grin when he noticed her tapping the toe of her right foot. "Uh, Joanne, you don't have to do that. She's pretty upset right now and…"

"Oh no you don't, mister." She started in on him with a finger on his chest. "Johnny, you do not deserve to be treated like this. She has no idea what you've been through in the last few days."

"Jo, please…." Roy began to plead but was interrupted.

"Honey, you two are such typical men. You think that because she says something that she actually means it? Well, I think she doesn't mean it and I'm going to call her bluff." Joanne had a sparkle in her eyes. She was pretty sure she knew what Alyssa was doing and she was going to put a stop to it.

"She's not bluffing, Jo. I was there." Johnny said.

"Listen, you two go back and get your things. You go on to your house and take care of things there. I need some time alone with her. Come back when you're ready and hopefully, she'll be feeling a little more welcoming then." Jo said as she stepped between them and pressed the up button on the elevator. "I have the car here so I can just go home if I need to. Take your time."

They watched her step onto the elevator and Roy grinned from ear to ear as he waited for it. When the doors began to close he heard her say, "wait!"

When the doors opened again he looked right at her and without her saying a word he said, "Room 245."

"Thanks, see you guys later." She said behind rapidly closing metallic doors.

E!

John sat in the passenger's seat of Roy's Porsche as they made the familiar drive from Rampart to Station 51.

"Thanks for the ride, Roy."

"Anytime, Junior. Need any help?" he asked as he watched John's downcast countenance.

"Nah….I'm fine. I am gonna go back over there one more time though. I've been rejected by women enough that …uh…I've learned not to give up after being kicked out only once." He smiled but the usual light that poured from his brown eyes just wasn't there.

"Oh, John. Cap wants you to call him before next shift. Guess he needs to know if you're gonna need a replacement."

"Not sure yet but I'll, ah…I'll let him know."

Roy noticed that Johnny looked like he wanted to say something else but instead just held up his hand in a farewell gesture before stepping back away from the car.

E!

Alyssa stared at the unappealing food on her tray. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable from all the IV fluids and pushed the bedside table away from her bed. She was swinging her legs over the edge and trying to stand when there came a knock on her door.

"May I come in?" A smiling brunette said as she stuck her head inside the door.

"Sure," Alyssa mumbled as she tried to make her way to the bathroom without entangling herself in the tubing.

"Oh, here lemme help you." Joanne said reaching for her arm and assisting her in making her way to the bathroom.

Alyssa had no idea who her visitor was but at the moment she had more pressing matters to attend to than formal introductions. When she had finished using the bathroom and washing her hands she opened the door carefully and accepted the outstretched hand of the unknown woman.

"Now, I'm sure you feel better, huh? Those fluids can really sneak up on you. My name is Joanne DeSoto."

"Alyssa Keener." She said pulling the covers up over who legs.

"Alyssa, it's so nice to finally get to meet you." Joanne had a speech ready when she entered the room but now that she was looking at the girl she couldn't remember a single word of it.

"Um, how do you know me?" Alyssa had no clue who Joanne was or how she knew her.

"Well, let's see. First of all my husband is Roy DeSoto; he and Johnny are partners over at 51's. He rode in with you in the ambulance last night." Joanne paused as she saw a shadow cross over Alyssa's freckled face.

"Plus, John is like a little brother to me and an Uncle to our kids so I guess in a roundabout way….we're family."

"Humph." Alyssa grumbled.

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?" Joanne knew very well what she'd heard but she was not about to let Alyssa continue unchallenged.

"Nothing….um, John send you to see me?" Alyssa asked.

"No, he didn't. See, I spent most of yesterday and the day before helping him look for you; both Roy and I did. He tried so hard to find you when you left here against medical advice and then when the two of them went on shift, I continued searching the homeless shelters for you." She sat down on the edge of Alyssa's bed letting her words sink in.

"Oh. Well, you found me." Alyssa said looking anywhere but at Joanne. "If you're looking for John, he left a few minutes ago."

A knock on the door interrupted them as Charlotte came in for another vitals check. Joanne took those few precious moments to develop a strategy. She needed to move quickly.

"Didn't feel like eating?" Charlotte asked.

"Not really hungry." Alyssa answered without looking up.

Charlotte and Joanne exchanged a silent communication. "Well, if you feel hungry before lunch just let me know and I'll get you something."

"Thank you." Alyssa said as the older nurse left her alone again with Joanne.

"Johnny doesn't like the food here either so I usually bring him something in. Would you mind if I brought you a plate later on?" Joanne asked hoping Alyssa would consent.

"I guess so. Um, why?"

"Why what?" Joanne questioned.

"Why would you bring me something to eat? You don't even know me." She said feeling a little more spunky.

"No, but I'd like to get to know you better."

"He sent you up here didn't he?" Alyssa asked accusatorily.

"Absolutely not! But I did happen to see him in the lobby. He didn't look too happy to be leaving you, Alyssa." Joanne watched as Alyssa shrugged her shoulders.

"He'll get over it. He didn't know me a few days ago so it won't take him long. Don't worry about him."

Joanne felt a twinge of anger deep in her gut. "Oh, but I do worry about him. He's my friend and what affects him affects me and my family. See, he went for a long time without a family. Then his aunt, your mother, took him in and gave him what he'd been missing. According to Johnny, she saved his life. Has he told you much about her?" Joanne dangled the carrot hoping the young woman would head in that direction.

"No, he doesn't have time for me. And I unders.."

"Whoa…wait just a minute. Doesn't have time for you?" Joanne interrupted. "How can you say that? He spent the night here with you last night. He never went back on shift once they brought you in."

Alyssa felt her blood pressure begin to rise. "No, he didn't. Dr. Early talked me into allowing him to stay if he wanted too but I never saw him until after he got off work this morning. So see, he didn't want to."

Joanne could feel her facial expressions changing. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"Talking to Dr. Early." Alyssa spoke softly.

"Uh huh…and did you sleep all through the night?"

"Yes, why?" Alyssa asked.

Joanne sat up straighter. "I'll tell you why. Because, Johnny slept right there in that uncomfortable chair." She pointed to the light blue chair in the corner. "I know because I've slept there myself many nights when either he or Roy was hospitalized. And that blanket folded up there is something I recognize too."

Alyssa gulped audibly. _Oh no, maybe he had stayed. Well, didn't matter. She still did the right thing._

"Well, I didn't ask him too." Alyssa told Joanne.

"No, no you didn't…and it feels kinda good now doesn't it? Someone stayed with you without being asked. He stayed here with you ignoring his own comfort just to be near you. He did that without asking you for anything in return and without you having to ask him to…..and you kicked him out? Why?" Joanne needed answers to her questions too.

Alyssa froze. She couldn't answer this woman's questions. She couldn't verbalize what she was feeling because she couldn't make sense of it herself. She just knew that it was true.

"I'm tired. I'd like to sleep now." Alyssa said pulling the covers up near her shoulders and turning on her side; away from Joanne.

Joanne was at a loss. Part of her wanted to reach out and hold onto the poor young girl who certainly never asked to be in this predicament. But the other half wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her unmercifully until she saw what she was doing to Johnny. Finally, common sense won the battle and she stood up and approached the door. _John Gage might be quick to give up but not Joanne DeSoto. I can see right through you, Alyssa. And you have met your match._

Joanne dropped her head as she opened the door to exit

"Alyssa, I'm gonna let you rest now but I'll be back later with some home cooked food for you. Take care."

Alyssa curled up in the bed after Joanne left. If John had stayed with her last night then perhaps the dream she'd had of him holding her while she wept at her mother's funeral wasn't entirely a dream at all. _No, John. Please don't. I can't let you do this. I can't let you get hurt too._


	29. Chapter 29

The Gage Secret-29

John turned into his driveway and saw Patches stand up on his front porch. He parked his rover and spoke to her as he made his way onto the front porch.

"Hey there, girl." He said giving her a scratch behind her ears and patting her head. "I'm real proud of you, you know that?" He watched as she wagged her tail faster as though she understood exactly what he'd said.

"You did a good job during Alyssa's rescue last night." He continued talking as he unlocked his door and stepped inside.

A couple of hours later he had showered, shaved and taken care of his animals. He picked up Alyssa's backpack from his kitchen table and was heading out the door when he stopped suddenly.

"Ah, almost forgot." He turned quickly and walked back to his bedroom where he picked up her necklace; the one he knew he'd broken the morning he'd found her in his barn. He looked at the pendant again and recognition brightened his face. He understood the meaning of it for the first time. He clutched it tightly in the palm of his hand and then headed out the door.

He made his way toward Rampart while trying to remember where he'd seen a jewelry store near the hospital. Finally, he remembered and turned into the shopping center where the white and gold sign prominently displayed a shiny diamond solitaire.

"Good morning, sir. May I help you with something?" The friendly man behind the glass counter asked.

"Yes, I was wondering if you might be able to repair this?" He held up the broken 14K gold chain.

The older dark haired man pulled his glasses from the top of his head and placed them on his nose. He then gently accepted the necklace Johnny was holding out to him. After examining it carefully, he smiled.

"Oh, yes sir. No problem. It'll take just a minute." He said disappearing through the door into a back room.

Johnny looked around feeling a little like a bull in a china shop. He smiled awkwardly at the older woman with bright red lipstick who was watching him a little too closely. He quickly looked away and began staring at the display of men's watches; he wasn't in need of a new watch but at least they were on the opposite side of the room from this woman. He glanced up a couple of times and noticed that she was still following him with her eyes even though she was assisting other customers. She gave him a not so subtle wink and he nearly knocked over a large display of costume jewelry.

"Alright, here we go." Said the owner as he held out the now repaired necklace in one hand while repositioning his reading glasses on his forehead with the other.

"Oh, yea, ah, thank you, sir. Thanks a lot." He was babbling and he knew it. He was just so thankful that the man had returned before Red Lips made a move on him. "How much do I owe you?" He asked daring to cast a glance back in her direction. He never heard the amount; he was too shocked at how this older woman was still watching him. He handed the man a twenty and waited for his change while unconsciously tapping his wallet on the glass counter. He noticed that she was smiling slightly while obviously checking out his backside.

"Here you go and we appreciate your business."

"Ah, thanks." Johnny placed the bills into his wallet and let the change drop into his right front pocket. He reached back to return his wallet to his back pocket but then thought better of it. He didn't want to draw any more attention to his back pockets than was necessary at the moment. He held it in his hand while he excited the store; deciding not to replace it until he reached his rover.

E!

Alyssa lay on her side in her hospital bed staring out the window. She wasn't interested in anything on television and she had nothing else to do; nowhere else to go. A gentle knock on her door followed closely by a familiar voice brought her out of her reverie.

"Alyssa? How do you feel this morning?"

Alyssa rolled onto her back surprised to see Dr. Early walking over to her bedside with his fatherly smile once again firmly in place.

"Ok, I guess."

"That doesn't sound too convincing." He said with concern in his voice.

He watched as she shrugged her shoulders and was a bit disappointed when she offered him nothing more.

"Charlotte tells me you didn't eat your breakfast."

"I drank the juice; just wasn't hungry." She said still not making eye contact.

"Well, juice is a good start." He lowered her bedrail and pulled out his stethoscope. He really didn't need to examine her but he needed to have an excuse to spend a few more minutes with her. He hoped she might start talking again the way she had last night.

"Take a deep breath for me." He said skillfully moving the cold metal around on her back. She complied with his instructions but made no attempt to talk to him.

He moved the stethoscope back to its resting spot in his pocket. "Where's John?"

"I don't know." She mumbled.

"Didn't he stay with you last night?" Joe asked.

"I guess." She again mumbled.

Dr. Early sighed. "Alyssa, you and I discussed this last night. Did you and Johnny have some kind of a disagreement? When I spoke to him after I left you he seemed very relieved that you had consented for him to stay with you."

He watched as her lower lip began to tremble slightly. He saw her grasp it between her teeth as she fought back the emotions that threatened to spill.

"Alyssa, look at me please." He used a voice that was slightly more authoritative than he normally used. He had no idea what had happened between his young patient and his paramedic friend but he didn't like it.

Alyssa drew in a ragged breath before looking up at her doctor. "I need to know, Alyssa. Are you afraid of Johnny?"

She was about to answer when another knock sounded and Joanne stuck her head back in the door. "Oh, I'm sorry Dr. Early. I'll just wait out here."

"No, Joanne, please come on in." He suggested with a smile.

Joanne walked in carrying a large cloth bag draped on her shoulder. "I'm afraid I'm busted Dr. Early." Joanne said with a sheepish grin.

"I see. Sneaking food in this fine dining establishment again?" He chuckled turning back to his patient. "She does this all the time when Roy or John is in here." He then leaned in a little closer to Alyssa in a gesture of mock whispering. "Lucky you. What she brings in is much better than what we serve."

"I heard that." Joanne grinned. "Does that mean she has your permission to eat it?"

"She has my permission to eat anything you bring her; as much as she wants." He laughed giving Alyssa a wink. "So Mrs. DeSoto, what's on the menu for today?"

Joanne stepped quickly over to the bedside table and began removing items from the bag. "I brought chicken and rice casserole, broccoli and cheese, a half gallon of pink lemonade and chocolate mousse for dessert."

"You eat that and drink plenty of fluids and I'll tell Charlotte to remove that IV when this bag is finished. Agreed?"

Alyssa nodded; her mouth beginning to water as the aroma of the hot food made its way underneath her nose.

"I also brought some extra plates for Johnny too. He really does enjoy my cooking." Joanne said with a smile.

Joe could have kissed Joanne for the nice segue.

"Speaking of Johnny," he began again. "I was just asking Alyssa a question about him."

"Oh?" Joanne responded innocently.

Alyssa let out a slight gasp.

Dr. Early glanced up at Joanne and mouthed 'sshh' to her. She knew he was about to say something she would disagree with but she knew what he was doing.

"Alyssa, I know that what John did to you was wrong. I can look at your bruises and see that they are healing but he bruised you even deeper inside your heart didn't he?" The gray haired physician stared intently at her.

"I..don't know what you mean?" Alyssa stammered.

"Oh come on, Alyssa. Of course you do. Stop trying to protect him ok? You lied to us the morning he brought you in. You said you fell out of his hay loft. Now, we know that was a lie and the only reason for you to lie is to cover up something." He leaned in closer to her; his voice barely above a whisper. "He did or said something to you last night didn't he? Did he threaten you?"

Alyssa listened to the things Dr. Early was saying and she felt confused. She began to shake her head negatively as she heard him say terrible things about John; things she knew were not true.

"N..No he…"

"I never should have talked you into letting him stay with you. Alyssa, I'm sorry. I put you in a terrible position and I shouldn't have done that." He stood then with his back to her and briefly made eye contact with Joanne. "I know you are afraid of him. I can see it in your eyes." He turned back around to face her before he continued.

"What he did to you was awful, Alyssa. And then I asked you to allow him…your perpetrator…to stay with you during the night. I don't blame you for not trusting me anymore. I really do and I understand. I'll, ah…I'll ask Dr. Brackett to take over your case for me. He'll make sure you aren't subjected to any more of John Gage's maltreatment." He looked down hesitating long enough to allow his words to sink in before he reached for the door handle. "I'll see that he isn't allowed back into your room, Alyssa. And I promise you, he won't get away with what he's done to you."

Alyssa's breathing became ragged as she tried to make sense of what he was saying. She looked at him and saw the look of remorse in his eyes. She glanced at Joanne and noticed that the woman who had just proclaimed to be John's friend was silently shaking her head in agreement with Dr. Early.

"No….NO!" She said in a raspy voice. "He's not bad! It wasn't his fault!" She croaked out between shaky breaths.

"Alyssa!" Joe said louder than was necessary. "You don't have to pretend any more. We know you are afraid of him and we understand."

Alyssa felt the burning in her eyes and cheeks as her vision blurred. "You don't understand! I'm not afraid of him….I'm afraid FOR him!"

Johnny stood outside room 245 of Rampart Hospital. He'd heard Dr. Early's voice and was waiting until he left before he entered. But what he had just heard shocked him to his core. And what he heard next made him gulp.

Inside the room, Dr. Early cast an understanding glance at his young patient. Finally, he got it; he understood what she was thinking. He moved back to her bedside.

"Alyssa, I know why you feel that way and no one blames you. I'm sorry I pushed you for an answer just now but I wanted you to hear yourself say it."

Alyssa looked into the eyes of the older man and saw comfort and understanding there. She hadn't noticed it but Joanne had made her way around to the other side of her bed.

"Alyssa, we are not angry or upset with Johnny. And we are not angry or upset with you. But the two of you need to talk. Share with him how you feel; your fears and concerns." Joanne said as she began to rub soothing circles along Alyssa back.

Alyssa looked down and let a few silent tears fall into her lap. They were both right and she knew it. She tried to speak but couldn't find her voice. Instead, she simply nodded her agreement.

"Good girl." Joe said running his hand along the back of her dark hair in a comforting manner. "Now, will you please eat some of what Joanne brought?"

"Yes." She said then looked up into her physician's eyes. "Will you, ah,….will you try to contact him? I sort of kicked him out earlier."

Joe smiled warmly and gave a slight chuckle. "Of course, but I doubt that it'll be necessary. John Gage doesn't give up easily. I bet he'll be back without me calling but I'll be glad to. Just promise me you'll talk to him instead of rejecting him next time."

Alyssa thought for a moment. Rejected? That's exactly what she'd done. She had cast him aside without getting to know him; just like others had done to her. It didn't alleviate her fears but it did give her a new resolve. If John came back to her room she would talk to him. Now, she just hoped he'd return soon.


	30. Chapter 30

The Gage Secret-30

John stared down at the backpack at his feet. _Did I just hear her correctly? She's afraid for me?_

His mind raced in all directions as he hooked his thumbs in his front pockets and stood leaning his left shoulder against the hall wall; his back to the door of room 245. He heard the sound of the door opening and footsteps moving into the hall.

"John?"

Johnny spun around when he heard his name called. "Hey, Dr. Early…..she ok?"

Dr. Early rested his hands in the pockets on his white coat. "Walk with me?" he asked maintaining his eye contact while heading down the hall.

Johnny reached down to retrieve the backback and then followed the physician to the end of the corridor and into an empty room.

Johnny placed the backpack on one of the empty beds sitting down beside it while Dr. Early sat on the adjacent bed. "Dr. Early…what's wrong?"

Joe smiled at his young friend. "Nothing's wrong with her, John. I mean, nothing you don't already know."

"Huh?"

Joe released a soft chuckle. "John, she's confused and well,… lost."

"She hates me doesn't she?" Johnny questioned then hesitated for a moment. "Or she's afraid of me….or both."

Joe exhaled. "No, John. Listen, the two of you need to talk; really talk."

"But she doesn't want to see me!" Johnny stood up; his arms moving rapidly around in an animated manner.

"I've spoken to her about that. Now one thing you have to remember is that she said she was afraid for you. Think about that for a moment." Joe waited for the questions in John's eyes to disappear.

"I don't get it…..OH! Dr. Early, do you think she…."

"Yes, Johnny. I do. Now you are the only one who can alleviate her concerns." He watched the wheels inside Johnny's head begin to turn.

Johnny stood with his hands on his hips thinking. "When do you think she might be released?"

Joe thought carefully before answering. "Well, Joanne DeSoto brought her some food in so I told her that if she ate that and continued drinking plenty of fluids than I'd authorized Charlotte to discontinue her IV. So, really it depends on her. I'd say no more than another day or so if she follows my orders."

"Has she said where she plans on going then?" Johnny asked.

"No, we haven't gotten that far in our talks yet. Perhaps you might discuss it with her. Oh, and Jo said she brought plenty of food for you too." Joe mentioned almost as an afterthought.

Johnny smiled then. "She's great isn't she?"

"Who, Jo? Yes, she is. Roy's a lucky man." Joe said grinning.

"I, uh…I think I better go see if there's any food left." He said with a wink and a lopsided grin. He hooked the strap of the backpack along his shoulder and headed for the door. He turned back to glance at Joe while standing in the doorway. "Thanks, Dr. Early. Thanks for being there for her….for all of us."

Joe watched as Johnny dipped his head in a nod of gratitude. He waved his hand at his young friend as he headed out of the room and toward Alyssa's room.

E!

Alyssa looked longingly at the food on the plate Joanne placed in front of her.

"Here you go, Alyssa." Joanne peeled the cover off the plate and handed Alyssa her silverware. "Now, feel like drinking some lemonade?"

"Yes, please."

Joanne poured some into her cup and then replaced the pitcher into the bag. "I hope you enjoy it." She said holding her breath as Alyssa took a couple of hesitant bites.

Alyssa swallowed the bite she'd been chewing savoring the flavor that lingered on her tongue. She was about the offer her praise when there was another knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Hello…" Johnny said sticking his head in the room. "Is it ok for me to come in?"

Alyssa was about to answer him when Joanne spoke up instead.

"Johnny, come in. I've got lunch for you." She said reaching into the cloth bag and retrieving the covered plate and handing it to him.

"Smells delicious, Jo. Thanks." He said taking a seat in the same blue chair in which he'd slept the previous night.

Alyssa felt the need to say something to break the ice between them. "It's really very good, John. Thank you, Mrs. DeSoto."

"Oh, please call me Joanne." She said with a swift wave of her hand. "And you're welcome."

Johnny let the backpack slide to the floor as he took a seat. "Oh, ah…I found this in my barn, Alyssa. It's yours right?"

She swallowed the bite of food in her mouth as she nodded. "Yes, yes it is."

Joanne watched the interaction between the two as she emptied the bag that still contained the pink lemonade and chocolate mousse. "Ok, I'm going to leave this with you two. There's plenty more where this came from." She said with a smile. She then faced Alyssa before continuing. "Alyssa, if they try to serve you more cardboard for dinner and try to pass it off as food you let me know. I'll bring you something descent, alright?"

"She means it too." Johnny said grinning around a mouth full of broccoli.

"Thank you. I, ah..I really appreciate everything, Joanne." Alyssa said with a bashful glance at the slightly older woman.

"Happy to do it." She said standing up and slinging the now empty bag onto her shoulder. "Well, I'll leave you two alone now. I'm sure you have plenty to discuss."

"Thanks, Jo. Bye." Johnny said.

"Bye, John. I'll check on you later, Alyssa." Joanne said exiting room 245.

John and Alyssa continued eating in relative silence. When Johnny had finished his meal he reached for a cup of dessert. "Mmmmm, this is delicious. Here's a cup for you too." He said handing Alyssa a cup of the delightful dessert.

She gave him a half smile as she accepted the cup. "Thanks, but I'm so full now I don't think I can eat anymore."

"No problem, I'll eat yours." He said with a playful wink. "Nah, I'm just kidding. I'll ask Charlotte to put it up for you until later on."

"May I have some more lemonade though?" She asked hearing the nervousness in her own voice.

"Absolutely." John replied standing and carrying the pitcher over to pour her a cup.

Alyssa felt her stomach flip flop having him so near her.

Johnny knew that if they were going to talk then he had to be the one to begin. "Ah, I promise that I didn't take anything from your backpack. It's all still there just like you left it."

She tried to speak but was only able to nod her head.

"Listen, last night you left these at my house." He said removing the note and the ring from his pocket. "What are they?"

Alyssa bit her bottom lip holding it tightly between her teeth. _Do I tell him? _

"The ring…it belonged to my mother, Alice. I was born in February so my birthstone is amethyst. She, ah…she called it her Mother's ring. The stone represents me." She said in a voice full of emotion.

"And this note?" Johnny asked.

She looked into his face then. "It's the information Alice gave me about Kitty. She wrote down everything she could remember about her so that I could find her. She left me the note and most of her money to be used in my search."

"So this is what led you to Aunt Kitty?"

She looked back at her hands folded in her lap. "Yes…..but the money ran out before I had found her."

John watched as her face clouded over. "Then how have you….I mean….never mind…doesn't matter." He muttered embarrassed now that he thought about it.

"After Mom died I sold off everything and left town before child protective services figured out that I was still a minor. I made the money last as long as I could." Her face held a faraway look as she remembered those difficult times.

"Alyssa, I'm sorry. That was none of my business. It doesn't matter what you did…."

She looked up at him in horror. "No, John! No, I never did anything illegal or…worse."

"Please don't be upset with me, Alyssa." He said reaching for her hand. "I just meant that it doesn't matter where you've been or what you've done or anything like that. I'm here for you."

He noticed the corners of her mouth twitch a little as though she wanted to smile but just wasn't quite ready.

"But…..why did you leave them for me? These are precious keepsakes from your adoptive mother?"

She looked deep into his coffee colored eyes. "They were the most treasured keepsakes I had left." She whispered. "I wanted you to understand how I got the information on Kitty." She looked back down at her hands once again. "I wanted you to believe me."

Johnny stepped closer to her and lowered the bedrail. He sat on the edge of her bed and reached out to her grasping her chin with the crook of his index finger. He lifted her chin gently until she was looking directly at him again. He could feel her chin and lower lip quiver as tears began spilling onto her cheeks.

"I do believe you, Alyssa." He watched as she closed her eyes forcing the remaining tears from the corners of her eyes. He ran his hand along her jawline from her chin to her ear; allowing his fingers to weaver through her dark locks until he grasped her at the nape of her neck and drew her in close. He reached around her sobbing frame with his free hand and hugged her tightly to his chest. He held her in his compassionate embrace for a long time allowing her the emotional release she'd needed for so long.

"Just let it all out, sweetie. It's ok. You're safe." He soothed.

She pulled back away from him then; looking at him with red-rimmed eyes and a negatively shaking head. Her ragged voice squeaking out the words, "but John…..you aren't!"


	31. Chapter 31

The Gage Secret-31

Johnny was stunned by what he'd just heard her say. "I'm not safe?"

Before Alyssa could respond a gentle knock on the door interrupted her. "Hi, how's lunch going?"

Alyssa cast a weary glance at Charlotte and then back at John.

Johnny cleared his throat before answering Charlotte's question. "Uh-hum, see for yourself." He said with a smile as he waved toward the almost empty plate beside Alyssa's bed.

"Nice. And it looks like your IV bag is almost empty so why don't we remove that IV?" She smiled at her patient as Johnny stepped aside giving her access to Alyssa's left arm.

John watched as Alyssa grimaced when Charlotte touched her; an expression that did not go unnoticed by Charlotte. "It's ok. I promise, no pain on removal." She smiled and reached into her pocket for the necessary supplies. In no time, she had peeled back the tape and pulled out the cannula. She pressed a folded four by four at the site and taped it down.

"There you go, Alyssa. Just keep drinking your fluids and eating and I'm sure you'll be discharged very soon." She cleaned up the debris left from the IV removal and then headed for the door. "Call me if you need anything and I'll be back in a few hours for your vitals check."

"Thanks."

"Yea, thank you, Charlotte." Johnny said with a smile.

After Charlotte departed, Johnny turned his attention back to his young cousin. "Ready to break outta this joint?"

Alyssa swallowed avoiding eye contact with John.

"I see." John said when the room grew uncomfortably silent. "Thought about where you'll go?"

"Not really…..guess a shelter until I can find a job or something." She really did not want to be having this conversation with Johnny. He was successful – Kitty had been so proud of him – and her own failures seemed to laugh out loud at her whenever she was in his presence.

"Listen, ah…you and I kinda got off to a bad start but I have plenty of room at my house and you are more than welcome to stay there as long as you like."

Alyssa wanted to say 'yes' to his offer but she knew she couldn't. If the past few years had taught her anything it had taught her to remain alone. "That's kind of you, John but I really can't."

Johnny felt like he'd been punched. He knitted his eyebrows together. "Why not? I swear, Alyssa, what happened the other morning will NEVER happen again. I'm sorry and I wish I could…"

"John, please stop it!" She said; effectively halting the rant he was about to dive into.

"Stop what? Alyssa…we're family. We don't know each other very well; I get that. But we are family….and….we're all each other has." He felt the familiar lump beginning to make its presence known in his throat.

She didn't respond to his heart felt speech.

"Please look at me." He requested. "What did you mean a few minutes ago when you said that I wasn't safe?"

She tried to speak but found that she couldn't make a sound; she simply nodded negatively indicating that she couldn't speak.

He waited for her to regain her voice, resisting the urge to hold her as though she were a child. Finally, she cleared her throat and gripped the blanket covering her.

"It isn't safe for you to be around me." She whispered.

"I..I don't understand." He said.

"John," she said is a ragged whisper. "I'm cursed."

"Cursed?" John said more to himself than to Alyssa. "Surely you don't really believe that….do you?"

She looked away before answering. "Doesn't matter what I believe…..only matters what I see."

"And what do you see?"

Johnny watched as a shadow once again crossed her face pulling a tear down toward her trembling chin.

She inhaled deeply before she began. "I see a pathetic person who's lost two mothers, her home, friends and nearly all her worldly possessions in a little more than two years." She raised a quivering hand to wipe the tears away. "I see someone whose father died because of her and whose grandparents didn't even want to meet her. I see someone who quit school and has no job; a total failure."

Johnny's heart ached. He knew exactly how she was feeling. He'd felt the same way when he'd lost his parents and then was sent to live with his Aunt Louise and Uncle Gabe. He also knew how dangerous those self-loathsome feelings were and he was forever grateful to his Aunt Kitty for throwing him a lifeline just in the nick of time. Now, Katherine Gage's daughter sat before him; shoulders slumped underneath the weight of the burden she now carried.

"Agreed." He said sitting down again on the edge of her bed. "You have had some difficult times. But not a single thing that's happened has been your fault, Alyssa."

She looked at him then and without ever blinking an eye she explained. "But if you look back over my life and you see what's happened to everyone important to me then you'll see it too."

"Sweetie, a lot of bad things happened in our family long before you were ever even conceived. It isn't your fault. It isn't my fault either even though I went through some really terrible times too. All families have difficulties; we just seem to have a few more than our fair share but it isn't because you or I are cursed."

She let his words sink in, not just into her head but all the way to her heart and soul. Her head told her he was right but her heart was still afraid. She was torn between taking another chance with the last family member she had and being totally alone.

He reached for her hand and frowned when she quickly removed it from his reach. "I..uh.. I can't make you stay with me if you don't want to. But there's a lot about our family that you just don't know. So, I'm asking you to please think about it. I want to tell you about our grandparents, my childhood, and how your mother saved my life."

Alyssa couldn't look at him. Every time she had ever looked into his eyes it seemed as though he was staring directly into her soul; seeing her secrets. As badly as she wanted to keep her sad story away from him the thought of learning more about her biological family intrigued her even more. "I'll….I'll think about it."

"Thank you. That's all I ask and I promise to do whatever I can for you. Please, Alyssa…..please let me do for you what Aunt Kitty did for me?"

"I'm feeling really tired now." She said stifling a yawn.

Johnny flashed his trade mark grin. "Then you should take a nap and rest, ok?"

"John?"

"Yes?"

"Will you stay with me…..for just a little while?" She hated asking but her need to feel close to him was overwhelming her at the moment.

He never answered her verbally. Instead, he simply sat down in the chair and leaned it back. Within a few minutes the room echoed with the soft steady breathing of the two Gage cousins.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating but real life came to visit in the form of a two year old. Thanks for sticking with me as we near the end of this story. Only a few more chapters left but for those who think that Alyssa is the Gage Secret….well…you might want to stay tuned.

The Gage Secret-32

Johnny finished putting the crisp white sheets on the double bed in his guest bedroom then stood back for a moment admiring his expertly folded military corners. He then hummed to himself as he walked to his linen closet to retrieve the blankets he wanted to add. Nothing in his home was feminine but that was to be expected from a bachelor. He hoped Alyssa wouldn't mind.

He thought back over the conversation they'd shared the previous night. He now knew that her fears involved something terrible happening to him just by being affiliated with her. He was relieved when he'd finally understood why she'd been avoiding him. He hoped that after a few hours of talking he'd been able to alleviate some of those fears. At least he'd been able to convince her to stay with him for a few days. She refused to commit to anything any longer than that but it was a start.

He glanced at his watch and realized he was quickly running out of time. He still needed to make a quick trip to the grocery store before picking her up at the hospital.

"Come on, Patches." He called to his four legged companion as he glanced around the room one final time before turning off the light and closing the door.

E!

"Jo, do you think he's doing the right thing?" Roy said looking at his wife as she pulled more clothing from her closet.

"Honey, of course he is….why do you ask?" She said as she put another pair of jeans into the box on their bed.

"Well, I don't know. I mean, he hasn't known her but a few days and…well….what if she steals from him while he's on shift?"

Joanne DeSoto smiled as she walked over to the place where her husband was sitting. She placed her hands gently on either side of his face and then lowered her own lips to meet his. The kiss was long and passionate and when she finally broke away and opened her eyes she saw that Roy remained sitting still with his eyes closed relishing the encounter.

"Roy, we both care a lot about Johnny but he's a grown man. Stop acting like he's Chris' age. Besides, we all take a chance on someone at some point in our lives."

Roy lowered his eyes and nodded in agreement. "I know….he just seems to…I don't know…need her on some level. I don't want to see him get hurt again."

"I've been around her more than you have and I don't get the same negative vibe that you're getting. Let's give her a chance, alright? Besides, I'm going over there tomorrow while you two are on shift to see if she needs anything so I'll be able to check on her then." She began to fold the flaps of the cardboard box together so that it was securely closed. "Now, run these over to Johnny's along with the lasagna and salad I made. Maybe then you'll feel a little better about her."

Roy took the box as Joanne basically shoved it into his chest. He carried it to the car and then returned for the picnic basket she was still packing. "What did I ever do to deserve a wife like you?"

She gave him a playful wink as she responded. "You proposed in 5th grade remember? I hadn't had many offers at that point so I accepted."

The two shared a laugh as he pulled the heavy basket off the kitchen table and headed for the front door.

E!

Alyssa sat in her hospital room fully dressed in the clothing she'd been given by Dixie and Charlotte. The blouse was a little loose on her as Charlotte's bosom was a bit more ample than Alyssa's but the jeans Dixie sent fit nicely. She reached up out of habit to feel for the necklace but it wasn't there. She'd meant to ask John about it last night but she'd gotten so caught up in their conversation about curses that she'd completely forgotten. At least she had her backpack back and it still had the five dollars she remembered placing in there before this whole nightmare at begun. She really was beginning to feel more comfortable about him; she just hoped she wasn't making a mistake by staying in his home for a few days.

A knock on her door brought her out of her reverie. "May I come in?" Asked a familiar voice.

She looked up and saw the smiling face of Dr. Early as he pushed the door open enough to enter.

"I hear you're going to go home with Johnny for a few days. Is that right?" He asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

She bowed her head a little as she responded. "Yes."

"You're gonna like it there, Alyssa. He's really a great guy; in fact all the guys at the station are great and I bet you in no time you'll be accepted as a part of their family." He watched for her reaction and was a bit surprised when there was none.

"Charlotte's gonna bring in your discharge papers when John arrives but I wanted to tell you that I really appreciate the fact that you trusted me." He hesitated and was glad to see her lift her gaze to meet his. "I'll never betray that trust, Alyssa. I know it took a lot for you to trust a stranger. I also want you to know that I've known John for several years and I promise that you can trust him too."

Alyssa felt her nervousness begin to wan as he continued. "I also want to say that I'm still available even when you leave here." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. He took her hand and gently placed it in the center of her open palm and then closed her fingers around it.

"Keep this with you at all times; no matter where you may go. It's the contact information for myself and Dixie. I've also included the phone number for Station 51 and the names of the men who work there. I want you to promise to call someone on that list if you ever need anything." He watched as she opened up her hand and began to delicately touch the paper she now held.

"But, Dr. Early, I don't know them and they don't know me." Her voice hitched with emotion.

"Alyssa, that's the beauty of family. You don't have to be related by blood to be family. Each name on that list represents someone who was very involved in your rescue the other night." _Some a little more than others, _he thought as visions of Mike and his ice pack made their way into his mind. "You are John's biological family and they are his firefighter family. They'll be there for you if you'll let them."

"Thank you, Dr. Early….thank you for everything." She smiled and then reached her arms around his neck in a warm and genuine embrace.

"Ahem."

Alyssa pulled back as she and Dr. Early turned to face the source of the throat clearing.

"Am I interrupting something?" John asked humorously.

Both he and Dr. Early laughed and Alyssa felt her cheeks begin to warm up and turn pink.

"No John…just telling one of my favorite patients goodbye." He said as he headed for the door. "Alyssa, I'll send Charlotte in here with your discharge papers and you'll be ready to go."

"Already got'em, Doc." Johnny said as he waved the forms in the air for Dr. Early to see. "And her wheelchair is waiting out here."

Alyssa felt nervous as John turned to leave the room and then returned with a wheelchair.

"Hospital policy." Dr. Early said with a smile.

She climbed in and was quickly being pushed down the long corridor towards the elevators.

"Bye, Alyssa." Charlotte said with a wave as she and John passed by.

Alyssa waved back silently. She had no idea if she was doing the right thing or not and the uncertainty of the situation was almost overwhelming. But, she clutched the numbers in her hand as tightly as a frightened child clutches a security blanket as she was pushed out the doors of Rampart General Hospital and toward the next chapter of her life.


	33. Chapter 33

The Gage Secret-33

"Ok, let me introduce you to Patches." Johnny said as he helped Alyssa out of his rover. Patches had seen the rover coming up the drive-way and had run to meet her master. She now stood patiently waiting at his side watching him assisting Alyssa.

She smiled down at the seemingly happy animal. She recognized her from her previous trip to this ranch but she didn't tell John. "Hello, Patches."

"A'right, I got your backpack so let's go in shall we?" Johnny shouldered the backpack then fumbled with the key ring in his hand as he separated his house key from the others.

"Hmmmm, smells delicious." He said lifting his nose in the air slightly as they entered the residence. "Joanne DeSoto sent over some lasagna and salad for our dinner tonight."

"That was really nice of her." Alyssa said feeling her mouth begin to water as the aroma made its way underneath her nose.

"Well, let me show you to your room and then we can eat if you'd like." John smiled as he walked passed the large picnic basket on his table. It was the same basket Joanne had filled for him on many occasions and he dearly loved her for it.

He sauntered down the hallway with Alyssa at his heels and opened the first door on the left. "Here you are." He announced. "It looks a little masculine right now but feel free to make it more homey for you."

Alyssa looked at the neat room and the double bed with the multi-colored blanket folded across the foot of it. She stepped up to it feeling a sudden urge to fling herself on the bed like a little kid might do. It had been so long since she'd slept in a real bed and she really couldn't wait to let herself drift away to the land of nod on the feather-light spacious bed.

John watched with his signature grin as she took in the sight of her temporary lodging. She reminded him so much of himself when Katherine Gage had shown him his room for the first time. A lump formed in his throat and he fought to keep the tears at bay. _I know how you feel, sweetie. _He watched as she slowly ran her fingers over the blanket. He wanted to tell her that she could have it but the time didn't seem quite right yet. It had belonged to his Aunt Kitty and he was determined to see that Alyssa took it with her when the time came for her to leave. He eased her backpack down in the chair in the corner near her closet trying hard not to make a sound. He didn't want to disrupt her thoughts as she slowly made her way over to the dresser.

He stood silently watching her waiting for recognition to register on her face. Finally, she let her gaze drift to the top of the dresser and she stopped dead in her tracks. John heard her gasp and quickly cover her mouth with her hand. She glanced back at him over her left shoulder with pools of tears forming in her pretty brown eyes. She quickly turned back around to stare at the dresser and reach out with a very shaky hand to lightly touch the delicate item lying in the center.

"It's yours isn't it?" He asked softly.

Her answer was a hitching inhalation breath as she nodded her affirmation. Her eyes squeezed shut forcing burning hot tears down her cheeks. She could barely see it through her blurry vision but her fingers confirmed that it was really there. "I…I thought I'd…. lost it forever."

"Patches found it after the…um…after that morning. I thought it might be yours since my Aunt Kitty never wore gold. She preferred sterling silver." He said in a reminiscing voice.

She picked up the dainty necklace and felt the Celtic knot between her fingers. "She wore gold once, John." She whispered looking back at him. "She's the one who gave it to me."

John stood in the doorway with a shocked expression on his face. "It was hers?"

Alyssa only nodded as her nervous fingers fumbled with the clasp.

"Here, let me help you with that." John said reaching out to take the necklace out of her trembling hands. He stepped behind her and fastened it around her neck.

She stood in front of the mirror admiring the shiny gold pendent adorning her slim neckline. "My father gave it to her." She whispered wiping the moisture from her face.

"I'd like to hear that story if she told you…..and if you don't mind sharing it with me." John requested and was relieved when Alyssa looked up into his dark eyes and gave him a weak smile.

"I'd love to share it with you." She said with a tearful smile.

"Well, let's eat while it's still hot and then we'll talk, ok?"

"Ok." She giggled happily and followed him back down the hallway toward the kitchen and more of Joanne's wonderful cooking.

E!

John quickly finished two platefuls of lasagna and a large salad before Alyssa had finished her small portion. He watched her eating small bites and knew she was savoring the taste of real food. He carried the conversation while she ate by talking about his ranch and how he acquired his animals. He wanted to share more about Kitty with her but he really wanted to know how much she knew first.

"Would you like some more?" He asked watching her gently wipe her mouth with her napkin and reaching for her water.

"Oh, no thank you. I'm really stuffed but it's marvelous. She's a really great cook." She said as she reached again to her neck to touch her pendent.

"Ok, well lemme put up the leftovers so you'll have something to eat while I'm on shift." He said standing and reaching for the salad bowl.

"I'll wash the dishes then." Alyssa said standing and stacking up their plates.

John opened his mouth to stop her but then realized that she probably needed to feel like she was contributing to their housing arrangement. He covered the remaining lasagna with foil and placed both dishes in the refrigerator. By the time he made it over to the sink to assist her she already had the hot soapy water ready and was washing their glasses. They continued with the chore in silence and made short work of it. With a final wipe down of the counter top and table, the kitchen was clean.

"Well, are you tired or do you have time to tell me about that necklace?"

She smiled at him as she fingered the pendent one more time. "Both."

"Why don't we go in the living room and chat?" He asked as he gestured toward the adjoining room.

Alyssa took a seat on the corner of his sofa and curled her socked feet underneath her. She leaned her head into her hand resting her elbow on the back of the sofa and staring into the space between them. John sat in his favorite easy chair anxious to get the conversation started.

"Did you know my father was Irish?" She asked without really looking at him.

"Well, honestly Alyssa, I didn't even know about you until a few days ago. But I do know a little. Go ahead and tell me what you want me to know and perhaps I can fill in some gaps for you….if you have any questions, that is." He looked at her intently as she seemed lost in thought for a brief moment.

"Well, his name was Paul O'Malley. He was an orphan from New York." Her face seemed to darken a bit before she continued. "Kitty promised to tell me much more about him but she, ah…well, she never got the chance."

"I know." John responded thoughtfully.

She took a cleansing breath and then continued. "Anyway, they were in love but couldn't get married because her parents didn't think he was good enough for her. She…well, she got pregnant with me. Paul worked for Kitty's father and he was pretty mad about the pregnancy so he fired Paul. Kitty's father found Paul another job in another town. He had saved up a little bit of money and he bought her this necklace. It's a triangular Celtic knot and the three points represented the three of us." Her voice faded as she said those words.

"They both loved you very much even before you were born." John offered in a reverent voice.

Alyssa wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. "Yea, I think they really did. I always wondered, you know? Well, until I met her."

John listened to her and gave her the space and time to tell her story the way she wanted to and in the time frame she wanted.

"So, he placed this necklace around her neck as a symbol of their love for each other….and for me." She added. "If you look at it you'll see that there's no beginning and no end. It meant that they would love each other….and me…forever."

John felt the lump forming again in his throat. He hurt deeply for the pain his aunt had suffered silently.

"She never took it off for anything. When she was five months pregnant he left for his new job and he was gonna send money for her to come to where he was working….but he died; he had some kind of accident and was thrown from his horse. After that, Kitty's parents were adamant that she place me for adoption. They were, well, they were ashamed of me."

John watched her cut her eyes down into her lap and wished that somehow he could explain that it wasn't her that they were ashamed of. But, the truth was clear; they were ashamed that their daughter had gotten pregnant out of wedlock with her adoptive brother's child. The fact that he was a poor Irish orphan didn't help the situation either.

"She told me she didn't want to do it but she was grieving Paul's death and didn't know how she'd raise me by herself. So, she and her mother told everyone that they were going on a trip and they were gone for the time that the pregnancy would have been obvious. When I was born, the mid-wife took me from her without ever telling her if I was a boy or a girl…didn't even tell her if I was ok or not." She wiped another silent tear away and inhaled a hitched breath.

"She said she took the necklace off that day and never wore it again. She never even wore gold again. But she kept it and on every anniversary of Paul's death and on every one of my birthdays she took it out and kissed it. Then she'd put it back for safe keeping."

Johnny was at a loss for words. Nothing he could say would take away the hurt or the loss. But he sensed that she needed to continue talking so he decided to ask a few questions to prod her along.

"If I'm asking too many questions or if you don't want to answer something just say so but…..what did she say when you contacted her?"

That question brought a sparkle to Alyssa's red rimmed eyes. "I actually showed up at her door. I didn't know her phone number so I just took a chance and knocked on her door. She was home and when I told her I thought I was her daughter…..she just grabbed me." She hesitated as she thought for a moment then continued. "She seemed to just know it was really me."

When she offered nothing more John dropped the subject. He was a bit surprised when after only a couple of moments she continued.

"We talked for a while that day – maybe three hours or more. She gave me this necklace and explained it to me. We were both in shock a little, I think. She told me she had a lot more to tell me and we made plans to meet again the following week."

John felt a warm blush wash over him with her next comment.

"She told me about you. She was so proud of you, John. She loved you more than life itself."

John swallowed around the lump in his throat and scrubbed his face with the palm of one hand; clearing away the moisture that was building up there.

"She wanted you to be there when I returned that next week. But when I knocked on her door at the time we'd agreed on….she didn't answer. A really nice man came over and asked if he could help me." She hung her head then and John could see the tears streaking down to her chin.

"He..ah, his name was Mr. McIlwain and he…" She paused to sniff and wipe her face with her sleeve. "He told me she was dead; killed in a car accident."

Realization made its way through John's thought processes. "Oh my God. Alyssa, that was you? You asked for my address?"

Alyssa's surprised expression was matched by Johnny's own.

"Yea, I um, well, I wanted to talk to you and I didn't know any other way to find you. I told him I had a package for her next of kin from my parents."

Johnny leaned back in his chair and felt a smile spread across his handsome features. "I waited on that package for days."

She took his cue and she snickered a little. "Well, that package from my parents was me. I'm the package. And I stupidly delivered myself unannounced to your ranch and…..well, you know the rest."

They both laughed out loud; the inappropriate laugh of pent up emotions and relief wrapped up in a surprise package.

"Wow, that explains a lot actually." Johnny said.

He watched as she laid her head down on her elbow and knew she was exhausted. "Listen, I have so much I want to talk to you about and so much I want to ask you but you're tired and I have shift tomorrow. So, why don't we call it a night?"

She agreed as she stood up and yawned. Johnny explained his shift to her and where the phone numbers were. He showed her where all the food was and made sure she knew where everything was located that she might need. Then he asked her about feeding his animals while he was gone to which she quickly agreed with child-like enthusiasm. He didn't trust her with his horses yet but he did tell her what to feed Midnight, Stitches and Patches. He showed her where he kept his spare key and reminded her to make sure the door was locked before she went to bed for the night.

Alyssa listened with a very light heart. He was trying his best to make her feel at home and she was appreciating it. She felt more comfortable than she thought she would and for that she was grateful. She brushed her teeth and relaxed into the comfortable bed feeling a peace she hadn't known in a very long time.

John finished his bedtime rituals and then sent Patches to her bed near the front door. He sat down on the edge of his bed and let out a relaxing breath. The day had gone better than he ever imagined it would. She seemed to have accepted him and he hoped that feeling would continue.

He reached to turn off his lamp when he noticed the journals on the bottom shelf of his nightstand. He wanted her to read them but knew that tonight was not the right time. He knew she'd need time to digest what she was going to read and that she'd probably need some time alone to weep over the information she was going to glean from them. He thought about leaving them out for her to read while he was gone. After all, she'd have the place to herself and wouldn't feel pressured by him and wouldn't be interrupted either. _But should she be alone when she reads them?_

He still wasn't sure what to do when he turned out the light. He lay in bed for a long time thinking about the pros and cons of leaving them out for her. Finally, having made up his mind he placed his arm across his eyes and drifted off into peaceful slumber.


	34. Chapter 34

The Gage Secret-34

Hank Stanley stood in the doorway of the office he shared with the other two captains at Station 51. He was being briefed by the 'C' shift captain when he heard familiar voices echoing in the apparatus bay.

"Sounds like my guys are here." He said casting a glance over his shoulder.

"All yours, Hank." The other captain said as he vacated the desk chair and headed for the door. "Have a safe shift."

Mike stood at the kitchen sink pouring his first cup of coffee when he heard the light banter of Gage and Kelley reverberating in the open bay. He shook his head with a slight giggle and returned the coffee pot to the stove. He had just raised the cup to his lips when the kitchen door popped open.

"Good mornin', good mornin', good mornin'." Repeated Johnny in his usual redundant manner. The young man was much too eager to start his shift or so Mike thought.

"Morning, John. How's things with Alyssa?"

Johnny reached for the coffee pot as he answered. "Fantastic, Mike. She's really loosening up around me and…well, I think it's all gonna be just fine." He poured his cup and returned the pot to the stove.

"Glad to hear it." Mike offered leaning against the counter.

Steam rose from John's cup as he blew on the hot liquid before taking a tentative sip.

How's,…uh…your…things…if you know what I mean?" He asked with a noticeable wince.

Mike grimaced at the reminder. "I'm fine. Don't want my boys around her elbows anytime soon but I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

"Yea, you bet." John offered giving Mike a friendly light slap on the back as the other members of their crew filed in one by one.

"Roll call in five!" Cap called out and soon the men of 'A' shift at 51's fell into their familiar routine.

E!

Alyssa opened her eyes surrounded by daylight and total comfort. She glanced at the clock and noticed it was already 8:30 am. _Wow, I haven't slept that soundly in years. _She rolled onto her right side and enjoyed the peacefulness she saw out her window. She giggled a little when she heard Patches yipping as she chased something in the pasture.

She sat up in bed and stretched her stiff limbs. She could tell her eyes were somewhat swollen from the tears she'd shed the night before as well as the much needed peaceful rest. She made her way to the bathroom to take care of her immediate need and to wash her face with a cool wet cloth. With those two chores tended to, she made her way over to the box of clothes Joanne had left for her the day before. Without much searching she found a pair of jeans, a red t-shirt and a navy blue cardigan sweater. She quickly dressed and brushed her hair and teeth before exiting her new sanctuary that was John's guest room.

She padded her socked feet down the hallway hoping she could find a cup of coffee to help wake her up. She rounded the corner into the kitchen and was surprised to see a note on the kitchen table. "What's this?" She mumbled to herself reaching out for the white piece of paper.

_Dear Alyssa,_

_Please make yourself at home. My home is your home as long as you want to stay. If you need anything or have any questions just call me at the station or you can call Joanne. All important numbers are beside the phone in the living room. Joanne is planning on stopping by today in case you need something. She'll be happy to drive you to the store or anywhere else you might need to go. If you don't feel comfortable staying alone tonight she said you are more than welcome to stay with her._

_Also, I wanted to tell you last night but you were very tired. I have four personal journals that belonged to Aunt Kitty. They are full of information about our family including some information about your father. I thought you might want to read them. They are located in my bedroom on the bottom shelf of my nightstand. If you aren't ready to read them yet then just know they'll be there when you are ready. _

_Take care and call me if you need me._

_Johnny_

She folded the note in half and replaced it on the table. She was lost in thought as she set about to prepare herself a cup of coffee. "Journals….her private thoughts…" She uttered to herself.

She found a loaf of bread and placed a couple of pieces in the toaster while her coffee perked. She thought of how nice it was to have a bed, roof over her head, clothing and food available when she wanted it. She knew John had been overly nice to her; she just hoped nothing would happen to spoil their newfound fondness.

The sound of ejecting toast brought her back from her reverie. She opened the refrigerator door hoping for a little jelly to spread on the dry toasted bread. "Ah-ha." She spoke out loud even though she was alone. She pulled the mixed fruit jelly out of the refrigerator and had her toast ready to eat by the time she poured her first cup of coffee.

She sat down at the table but then had a better idea. She gathered her breakfast and walked outside onto the vast front porch; parking herself in the old rocking chair at the end of the porch nearest the barn. She set her coffee cup on the railing and then took a seat in the creaky chair. It didn't take her long to finish her meal. She then leaned her head back against the headrest and let the cool spring breeze caress her face as she gently rocked to and fro; her coffee cup, surrounded by both hands, sitting loosely in her lap.

The peace and solitude were amazing. She spent the morning in the rocking chair alone with her thoughts and memories of Kitty. Two hours later, which to her seemed like only a few minutes, she had made up her mind to read the journals. She stood up and poured out the remnants of her cold coffee over the side of the porch railing. Patches stood up from her position at Alyssa's feet. "Where'd you come from?" She asked the canine. _I must have drifted to sleep or surely I'd've heard her walking up here. _

An hour later, Alyssa set out across John's pasture with her backpack. Inside it, she had packed herself some snacks, the colorful blanket from her bed and Katherine Gage's four journals retrieved from John's nightstand. Johnny had explained to her that his property line went as far back as the creek but that beyond the creek the land belonged to a park so she was basically free to hike as far as she wanted to walk. She had decided she needed a quiet place to read Kitty's most private thoughts. She had no idea what she'd find in them but she knew she needed the information to fill a void she'd had for a few years.

Patches walked part of the way with her. Alyssa really didn't mind the company but she wasn't disappointed when Patches perked her ears up and then trotted back toward the house. They had only walked about two hundred yards at that point. She figured Patches had spotted something else to chase in the large pasture they'd just passed through and so she continued on her way; her impending visit from Joanne innocently forgotten.

E!

Shortly after lunch, Joanne drove the family sedan out to John's ranch. She had agreed to check on Alyssa while 'A' shift was on duty. She had a few hours before she needed to pick the kids up at school and wanted to spend them with Johnny's young cousin.

She smiled as she pulled the car to a stop between the house and barn and saw Patches running across the field to come and greet her.

"Hello, girl. Where's your house guest?"

Patches yelped as if in answer to Joanne's question. Joanne patted her on the head and then walked over to the house and knocked on the door. She was a bit surprised to hear no noise coming from inside the residence. After the third knock, she began to worry. She reached into her purse and retrieved her key to Johnny's house.

Joanne stepped tentatively inside Johnny's kitchen. "Alyssa? Are you alright?" She called out.

Hearing no response she walked all through the house and around the property looking from top to bottom for Alyssa. When she saw no sign of her she felt her heartbeat quicken. Finally with no other option, she picked up the phone in Johnny's kitchen and dialed the number she knew so well.

"Station 51. Firefighter Lopez speaking."

"Marco, hi, it's Joanne. Is Roy or Johnny there?" She asked hoping her voice didn't betray her nervousness.

"Sure, Joanne, hold on." She heard some shuffling near the receiver of the phone and heard Marco call out in the background.

"DeSoto, it's Jo."

Joanne waited for the muted voiced to become clear again and when they did she quickly spoke. "Honey, I'm here at Johnny's and Alyssa isn't here."

Roy felt a wave of concern wash over him from his head to his toes. "What do you mean she isn't there?"

"I mean, the house was locked and I used my key to get in. No one's here." She said in a near frantic voice.

"Ok, don't panic. Let me talk to Johnny and we'll call you back. Just stay there by the phone." He hung up the receiver while leaning back slightly to see if he could see his young partner in the kitchen or perhaps in the apparatus bay. Seeing him in neither place, Roy headed for the dorms.

As he rounded the back of the engine he heard Johnny's voice outside.

"HA! Beat that, Chet!"

Roy looked in the back of the station and saw Johnny and Chet engaged in a rather lively game of HORSE.

"Hey, Johnny, I need to talk to you about something."

"In a minute, Roy. I'm kicking Kelley's butt right now." He shouted.

"Maybe you should see what he wants, Gage." Chet said a little too hurriedly.

"Now Johnny, please. It's about Alyssa." Roy watched as his words reached Johnny just as the ball left his fingertips.

"Haha, air ball!" Chet yelled after him as Johnny quickly jogged the short distance over to where Roy stood.

In less than a minute, Roy had filled him in on what had happened and the two of them were in the dorm room seeking some privacy as they called Joanne back.

"Hey Jo. Uh, think she might be out in the barn?" Johnny asked hoping she might be out there. He didn't want to think about her skipping out on him when things seemed to be going so well.

"Johnny, I checked there before I called. She's nowhere on the property."

Johnny exhaled loudly as he closed his eyes and pinched his nose. "Ok, a'right…uh, please go into my guest room and see if her backpack is there." He waited as he heard Joanne's footsteps walk across the hardwood floor of his hallway. She soon returned and he heard her pick up the phone again.

"No, Johnny….it's gone too."

"Damn it!" He said under his breath as he slammed an open hand down on the desk. "Ok, uh one more thing please. Will you go into my bedroom and look on the bottom shelf of my nightstand? I left Aunt Kitty's journals there. I left her a note about them this morning so she might have taken them with her."

Joanne made her way back to the master bedroom and quickly saw the empty shelf. She felt her eyes begin to sting as she again picked up the receiver. "Johnny, I'm sorry but they're gone too."

"Ok, well, Jo, thank you for everything. I'm sorry to have bothered you with all this." He said in an obviously dejected voice.

"I'm sorry, John. Maybe she'll come back or at least contact you somehow." She offered.

"Yea…..maybe…..I hope so anyway…..bye, Jo." He said leaning his head into his hand after he hung up the phone.

Roy placed a supportive hand on his partner's shoulder. "I'm sorry, John. I sure didn't see this coming."

"Yea, I know. I didn't either. Things seemed to be going so well between us last night. She never indicated that she might run away like this." He looked up for a moment staring at the brick wall. He opened his mouth to say something when the klaxons sounded.

E!

Roy pulled the squad out of the bay and made the right turn toward their destination. The call out was for a possible child poisoning but when they were a little over halfway there they heard the familiar beeps followed by Sam Lanier's voice telling them to cancel.

Roy loosened up his chin strap and pulled his helmet off his auburn hair. He looked over at his dark haired partner who was doing the same thing. "Hey Junior, we aren't too far from your house. You want to go over there and look around?"

Johnny thought a minute and then agreed. They would only be going a few miles out of their way and they would remain available.

Soon, the squad was parked in front of the Gage residence and both men made their way inside the quiet house. The clicking sound of Patches' claws tapping against the hardwood floor made Johnny take notice. "Where'd she go, girl? Huh?" He said patting his dog on the head and briefly scratching her ears. He noticed that her rabies tag and gotten turned sideways and wasn't making its usual jingle sound so he straightened it out for her. He then stood up and immediately walked back to the bedrooms and swore. "Shit….Roy, she took Aunt Kitty's blanket too."

"What's that?" Roy asked standing in the doorway of Johnny's guest room.

"I put Aunt Kitty's blanket on her bed and now it's gone. You know, the one with the blues, reds and purples?"

Roy frowned knowingly. He remembered the blanket well. It had been on Katherine's bed when he and Johnny had gone to clean out her apartment. They were both staring at the bed when they're HT came to life.  
"_Station 51, Station 36, respond to assist Station 110 at their incident. Disabled child missing at the park at…."_

Johnny made a mental note of the address realizing that it was at the park that joined the rear of his property. "Take a left out of my drive way, Roy. We're practically on top of it."

Roy made the turn and the two paramedics pulled up to the make shift incident command post several minutes ahead of their engine crew.


	35. Chapter 35

The Gage Secret-35

Alyssa found a sunny spot near the creek at the far edge of John's property where she spread out the blanket. She was near a small grove of trees and positioned the blanket so that a small part of it was shaded. She allowed the straps of her backpack to fall from her shoulders and swing around her small frame to her feet. She removed her shoes, pulled out the journals and lay down on her stomach. She lay that way for a few moments enjoying the peaceful scenery and the melodic sounds of the rushing creek just beyond her blanket. Finally, she pulled out the journals, placing them in the order John had indicated, and positioned herself so that her head and hands were in the shady area of the blanket and began to read.

Over the next several hours she laughed and cried as she relived her biological mother's life through her own words and in her own hand-writing. She was extremely emotional while reading the parts about her biological father's sad life story; especially how he was treated by Kitty's father including the beating Kitty had witnessed. Her breath hitched as she viewed through blurry eyes the information written about her own birth and the aftermath for Kitty. Emotions swirled within her that she couldn't identify but she continued until she had read every word. Finally, she closed the last journal; the one that described a little about their reunification. She was so grateful she had found Kitty; that she had made contact while she was still alive. She would always grieve for what they'd lost but at least she had known her and now she had found a very caring cousin and even some of his friends seemed to be accepting of her too.

The shadows were growing longer and she knew she needed to head back to the ranch before darkness fell. She didn't know her way around the area and knew that the temperature was going to be dropping rapidly soon. She rolled over to a sitting position and tied her sneakers back on. She replaced the journals into her backpack and zipped it up tightly. She could feel a cool mist beginning to fall underneath the now cloudy sky. She didn't want to risk anything happening to the journals. She began to fold up the blanket when she thought she heard a small child's cry.

Alyssa jerked her head around in the direction of the creek. _Oh yea, the park._ She turned back around to complete her task when she heard it again only this time it wasn't a happy sound at all.

"Momma! Help me, Momma!" The tiny soft voice called.

"Ohmygod!" She mumbled as she threw the blanket down over her backpack and rushed toward the sound of the worrisome voice.

She found a tiny trail which led her to the brink of a ten foot drop-off leading to the swift creek below. She looked around but saw nothing. "Hello?" She called out.

"Momma?" The tiny voice cried again.

This time, Alyssa saw the source. A small boy who was maybe four years old at the most was floating down the creek. She watched in horror as he tried to stand and was knocked down by rushing waters. He tumbled around until he found his footing again and tried once more to stand. She stood paralyzed watching the child struggle. She knew the water was icy and that he wouldn't last much longer.

She looked around for a way to get down to the creek to assist him. Finally realizing that her only option was to crawl down the ragged short cliff, she began her descent. About halfway down her sneaker slipped on the protruding rock she was stepping on and she slipped down the remaining distance landing with a thud on the rock covered ground below.

E!

Hank Stanley stood around the hood of Squad 110 along with the other captains looking at a map. The incident commander was using his finger to indicate the areas that had been searched and the remaining vastness left unworked at the moment.

"Remember men, this child is autistic so even if he hears you call his name, which is Tanner, he will not answer. We could be nearly on top of him and not know it. That's why we called in the extra manpower." The incident commander looked into the eyes of the captains standing near him. They were all fathers and each felt the pain of the young couple now being tended to by paramedics near their camper.

"Ma'am, just take some slow deep breaths, a'right?" Johnny instructed the weeping and trembling blonde woman. His heart ached for her and he knew she was blaming herself for her son's disappearance.

"I need to be out there searching for my son!" Came the rough emotion-laden voice of the tall red haired husband whom Roy was talking to.

"Sir, I know you feel that way but we've got a lot of guys here now and we're gonna do everything we can to find him. Now you aren't going to do him any good if you become incapacitated and have to be taken to the hospital. He's going to need you and you need to be healthy for him." Roy had no words of comfort to offer the young man. His training had taught him that they needed to search methodically and in a particular pattern. Looking at the father, he knew that that man was too upset to be able to search in the manner necessary and could do more harm than good; especially if the need to collect evidence became necessary. The paramedic in him also knew that if the boy wasn't found soon the likelihood of him being found alive and well would diminish significantly.

Johnny leaned the young woman down onto a lawn chair with her feet elevated. She had become so upset that she'd nearly fainted.

"Roy?"

"Yea."

"I've got an idea. I need to go talk to Cap. Can you keep an eye on her for a minute?"

"Sure." Roy said as he positioned himself between the two patients so that he was easily accessible to them both as he watched his partner jog over to the command post.

"Hey Cap?"

Hank raised his hand to his youngest team member to indicate that he would turn to him in a moment. John waited impatiently shifting from one foot to the other with his hands on his hips. He had a strong feeling that he needed to do something and he knew he'd need his superior's approval. Finally, after what seemed to John to be an eternity, Captain Stanley turned around to address his young paramedic.

"Yes, John?"

"Cap, my property butts up against this park. The creek is the dividing line. Maybe we should go over there and start searching in this direction. You know, just to make sure this kid doesn't double back on us or something."

"He's only four and he's autistic so I doubt he's gotten that far, Pal."

"Cap, he's a kid. Kids are drawn to water. I don't think we have time to do a thorough walking sweep of this area before dark and if we jump straight to the creek and work back then it's possible we'll miss him; especially if he somehow managed to cross it. If our station starts at my place at the creek and works back in this direction then surely someone will find him." Johnny looked at his Captain with almost pleading eyes.

"Good point." Hank had learned over recent years to take very seriously when John had an idea about locating a victim. He had an unusual knack for that.

Hank returned to the command post and John watched as his captain explained the idea to the incident commander. He then hustled back over to where John was standing,

"Ok, John. The paramedics from 110's are gonna take care of the parents over there and we're gonna head over to your place."

"Yes, Sir." John said with a grin as he retreated to his partner while Hank jogged toward their engine.

E!

Alyssa tried to stand on her swelling ankle but the pain prevented her from putting her weight on it. She grimaced as she hobbled over to the creek as the soaking child tumbled towards her in the water. Without thinking about the pain, she stepped into the edge of the cold water and grabbed the child's shirt pulling him to safety.

His weight was more than she'd anticipated but his drenched clothing was weighing him down. She looked past the soggy jeans and shoes towards the sky blue sweatshirt that was darker than normal with wetness. Then she glanced into his dark and unseeing eyes. His face was pale as he lay against the sleeve of her navy blue cardigan. He was too exhausted to resist her ministrations as she brushed his dark blonde hair from his damp forehead. His lips were shivering as was his entire body but she couldn't pull her gaze away from his dark eyes. He seemed to be looking through her or around her but certainly not at her. She spoke to him in a soft comforting voice as she cradled him in her arms and carried him toward the dry bank near the cliff she'd scaled down to reach him.

He made no attempt to communicate with her. She figured he was in shock and he was obviously hypothermic. She found a small patch of sunlight and hobbled to it. She carefully laid his shivering form down and began to undress him. She knew she had to get his wet clothing off and get him as dry as possible so that he could warm up again. She glanced up at the cliff wishing she could somehow get him to the top and underneath the warm blanket she had left in her secluded spot. She was grateful that only her left foot had gotten wet so she was able to use her dry clothing and body heat to help him. She quickly removed his clothing and watched as he sat there totally naked and rocking his small form back and forth; his lips turning blue.

Alyssa hurriedly removed her cardigan and wrapped it around his tiny methodically moving body. "Here you go, sweetie. My name's Alyssa. What's yours?"

The child made no attempt to communicate so Alyssa sat down and cradled him in her arms; pulling his tiny frail and very cold body closer to hers. She expected him to curl into her as she pulled him near but he didn't. He did begin to rock again or at least attempt to rock himself within her grasp.

Suddenly, a familiar jingle sounded at the top of the cliff and Alyssa felt a surge of hope.

"Patches?" She called out and was rewarded with the sight of John's dog carefully making her way down the rocky steep terrain toward her and the boy.

"Patches, how did you find us?" She said reaching out to offer a scratch to the dog's ears.

Patches licked her hand and then sniffed the young boy she was holding. "He's too cold, Patches. I'm trying to warm him up." The dog seemed to understand and licked the child's exposed face.

Alyssa was again mesmerized by the fact that the child made no move to acknowledge the presence of the friendly dog.

Patches circled the two humans and whined pathetically as she looked up at the steep bank. It was as if she knew that they were unable to climb to the top. As darkness began to fall and the mist became colder, Alyssa had an idea.

"Patches, here girl." She called out to the dog as she shifted her arms beneath the now sleeping child lying within her embrace. She reached up with cold fingers and after several tries she was able to unclasp the necklace she treasured so dearly. She wrapped it around Patches' collar until it fit tightly against the leather strap and then she fastened the clasp back. There was no way it would fall off or get caught on a branch and break.

"Patches, go home, girl. Go home to John." She said in a voice hitched with emotion. She knew that John wouldn't be home for at least another twelve hours but at least he'd see the necklace when he did arrive home. She just prayed that they could stay warm until morning.

E!

Mike parked the engine near the barn while Roy pulled up beside the house. The group of six firefighters met briefly to be given directives by their captain. John briefed them again on the terrain and the most likely path a child might take. He felt particularly drawn to the creek bank but he left that part out of his speech. He didn't want them to think he was any crazier than they already thought he was. Finally, with flashlights in hand they set out to walk the distance of his property back towards the area the other stations were also searching. He thought about how they might look from a bird's eye view; three groups of men all seemingly marching from different directions toward the same central location. Then a familiar jingling sound pulled him back from his thoughts.

"Patches?" He called out as he saw his dog come running towards him. "What are you doing out here, girl?"

He patted her on the head when something gold and shiny caught his eye. Upon closer look at her he let out an audible gasp. "Oh, God! It's hers! Roy, it's her necklace."

Roy kneeled down beside Johnny and saw the necklace wrapped securely around the dog's collar. "Johnny, you think maybe she did that before she left?"

"No," Johnny said in nearly a shout. "I straightened out her rabies tag remember? If it was there then I would have noticed it then. It wasn't, Roy. It's been added since we were here a few hours ago."

Understanding played across Roy's face as he realized the same thing that Johnny did.

"Roy, she's here and Patches knows where….and she's in trouble."


	36. Chapter 36

The Gage Secret-36

Patches pulled out of her master's grasp and began her yipping sounds to let John know to follow her.

"Cap! Hey Cap! Patches is on to something." John said turning only his head back in the direction of his superior. The rest of his lanky body was moving full speed ahead trying to keep up with his very determined dog.

Being much faster and more nimble than her two legged followers, Patches had to stop several times to allow the men of Station 51 to catch up to her. Finally, Johnny who was leading the others saw Patches disappear over a small terrace. When Johnny and the others reached the area they saw Patches standing beside a blanket thrown haphazardly on the ground.

"Johnny is that…"

"Yea, Roy. Yea, it's Aunt Kitty's blanket." Johnny said softly kneeling down to touch the soft covering.

E!

Alyssa sat rocking the little boy in her arms. Her clothing was damp from his rescue and her thin t-shirt offered little protection from the cool night air. The child was dry wrapped in her cardigan and she hoped that somehow her own body heat would be enough to keep him safe until John found them. Her ankle was throbbing now and she could feel the tightness in her sneaker indicating that it was swollen. She hugged the small boy to her chest and then leaned back against the rocks on the cliff and closed her tired eyes as her small frame trembled in the cool night mist.

The soft gurgles of the rushing water lulled her into that place that is neither sleep nor wakefulness. Suddenly, distant mumbling and a familiar jingle brought her back to the present.

"Patches?" She whispered hoarsely then cleared her throat. "John?" She called out a little louder.

Johnny picked up the blanket and found Alyssa's backpack underneath. Terror seized him as various scenarios flashed through his head. But before any of them could take root he heard a faint female voice calling his name.

"John? Help us please!"

"Alyssa!" He yelled bolting toward the cliff on the heels of a yipping Patches.

Alyssa tried to stand with the child in her arms but found that the effort was far more than she was able to muster. With the child's head cradled in the crook of her left arm she used her right hand to cover his exposed ear so he wouldn't be startled by her shout.

"John, down here. Help us, plea…..please." She whimpered as tears began to sting her eyes and a lump made its way higher into her throat blocking the rest of her words.

"This way, fellas." Johnny directed as he followed the narrow path he knew led to the edge of the cliff overlooking the creek. He stopped suddenly at the edge and called out to her again.

"Alyssa?"

"Down here."

John followed the faint sounding voice and saw the most beautiful sight he could ever imagine. There below him sat Alyssa…..with a small boy in her arms; a child who fit the description of their victim Tanner.

"Hold on, Alyssa. I'm coming down." Johnny called out to her and then turned back to his stunned shift mates.

"Cap, this is about a ten foot drop but we can't use ladders because of the unstable surface near the creek." John said looking at his superior. "There's a narrow trail that we can use to get down but I don't think we can get them back up that way."

"Alright, Marco head back and bring the squad down here as close as you can get it. We're gonna need ropes and harnesses. Mike, you and Chet stay here while Roy and Johnny go below. I'm gonna go notify incident command that we got him." Hank said with a hitch in his voice. Once again, his men had come through in what was beginning to feel like a hopeless situation.

John and Roy made their way down the slippery path behind Patches eventually reaching the creek bank. They hurriedly made their way over to where Alyssa sat with Tanner sleeping in her arms.

Alyssa could barely see through her tears as she watched Patches come running toward her followed by John and Roy.

"Jo…John…I, he was calling for….Momma….and kept falling…and…wet, cold…" Her words were a jumbled mix as she tried to quickly explain how she came to be trapped along the creek bank with a naked sleeping boy in her arms.

"Sssshhhh….it's ok. We're here now." John spoke to her comfortingly as Roy pulled the small boy from her arms.

"Hey there little fellow. Let me take a look at you ok?" Roy cradled the now awake child in his arms and began pulling back the navy blue cardigan. The image he saw made his heart ache. The child was bruised and scraped in multiple places but a quick assessment revealed no serious injuries. He was cold and so Roy wrapped him back up in the sweater and then held him closely to his chest pulling his turnout coat around him also.

"How is he, Roy?" Mike asked from his perch above them.

"Cold and bruised but he looks good considering what he's been through." Roy said without ever looking away from the child's face. "Hey, Mike? How about tossing me the blanket we found up there. I need to wrap him up more."

"You got it." Mike turned and quickly grabbed the blanket Roy was asking for. "Here it comes."

Roy looked up to see the blanket floating down on top of him and Tanner. "Thanks, man."

He quickly set about wrapping Tanner papoose style in case he became upset. The child offered no resistance as Roy wrapped him tightly. Roy was surprised at his total lack of communication. He made no effort to speak or even to look at the fireman who was a stranger to him. Once he was secured in the blanket, Roy cradled him again and waited for Marco's return.

Johnny felt a cold hand gripping his heart and squeezing tightly. Alyssa sat trembling and crying as she watched his partner take care of the child she'd found. "Is….is he hur…hurt bad?" She cried.

"No, not at all. He's really in good shape, Alyssa. You did a fine job with him. He's gonna be just fine." Roy offered the young woman.

"Alyssa, are you hurt?" John asked noticing how upset she seemed to be.

"No…just cold…but….yea….um, my foot."

Johnny knew she was upset by the way she was babbling and trembling in the misty twilight. Her face was tear-stained and her overall appearance was disheveled but to him she looked beautiful; reminding him of his Aunt Kitty.

"Your foot huh? Let me take a peek at it, alright?" He said slowly while brushing away some of the dirt from her face.

She grimaced when he tried to remove her shoe. "Yep, it's swelling. You're gonna need x-rays. Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"N..No." She said with a cough.

Johnny stood up and removed his turnout coat and wrapped it around her shoulders. "Here you go. I know you're cold. We're gonna have you out of here in no time."

She looked up at him and saw a mixture of fear, relief and pride in his dark brown eyes. She reached out to take a hold of his arms as another wave of tears began to pour. She felt him respond by wrapping his strong arms around her and holding her tightly as her trembling began again.

"That's it, sweetie. He's fine and so are you. Just let it all out." He crooned softly in her ears while running his fingers through her dark hair and easing her head down on his shoulder. He felt her begin to relax and he held her closer. She clutched his shirt in a tight fist as she buried her face into his chest and felt the pent up emotions pour out of her thoroughly wetting his light blue uniform shirt.

"Hey guys, the parents are on their way over with the rest of the guys and an ambulance." Cap called out to his crew.

Marco drove up then in the squad and he, Mike and Chet began pulling out ropes and harnesses to pull up their victims. In a short time, Roy was harnessed up and holding tightly to the child as he allowed himself to be pulled up by his co-workers. Once he was pulled over the edge, Mike pulled the little boy out of his arms and held him while Chet helped Roy out of the harness. Marco was setting up the biophone and drug box for Roy to use to further assess their victim.

Meanwhile below them Johnny continued to console the crying Alyssa. "He's gonna be ok, Alyssa. Don't worry. You did great finding him and pulling him from the water."

"He…he was so pitiful, John. He was calling for his Momma to come and help him. I…I didn't know what else to do but just pull him out of the water and take off his wet clothes..and.."

Alyssa continued to speak in a trembling stutter but John was lost in thought as he replayed her words over and over in his head. _Oh my God! Her too?_

_E!_

A/N: Only one more chapter to go and all the loose ends will be tied up neatly. Thank you all for reading this story and for your very kind reviews. I appreciate them more than you could ever know.


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: This is it; the final chapter. It is much longer than most but it completes the story. Thank you all for reading this and sharing this journey with me.

The Gage Secret-37

"Hey Johnny?"

"Yea, Mike?" Johnny answered.

"Head's up!"

John looked up to see the ropes and harnesses being lowered for him and Alyssa. He'd requested supplies with which to splint her ankle before the ride up to prevent it from being further injured. Within a few minutes he had her ankle stabilized and began preparing them for their assent.

"Ok, now we don't have far to go so don't be afraid. I'm going to secure your belt to mine so you won't fall no matter what." He said in his most confident voice.

"How will they pull us both up at the same time?" She asked still not convinced of the safety of the impending rescue.

"Pure brute strength, Alyssa." He answered with a crooked grin. "They're firefighters and if they can haul hose and air tanks and other equipment up multiple flights of stairs in a burning building then they can surely pull the two of us up those few feet to the top…..don't you think?"

When he put it that way, she had to agree.

E!

By the time the ambulance arrived with Tanner's parents, Roy had the small boy packaged and ready for transport. Dr. Morton had instructed him to ride in with the child even though no IV had been ordered. Under the circumstances, Dr. Morton didn't want to take any chances with his condition.

Roy watched the scene unfolding around him and felt it tugging at his heart strings. Tanner's mother cradled him in her arms as her hot tears seared her cheeks and pooled on the face of the dark eyed child. The young father kneeled down with one arm around his wife and the other caressing his small son. Roy thought of how easily the characters in the scene could be replaced with his own wife, son and himself. He hastily brushed a tear away as he climbed inside the ambulance for the ride to Rampart. Just before the door closed, he caught a glimpse of his partner's dark hair rising above the ledge and then he saw Chet reaching out for Alyssa.

"Watch those elbows, Chet." Mike cautioned with a glint in his eyes. He watched as his words made their way into Chet's brain and caused a smile to spread rapidly across the young lineman's face.

Chet caught himself blushing at Mike's good natured ribbing. Even the Phantom had no catchy comeback for those words. "Here you go, Alyssa. Grab hold." He said reaching for her jittery hand.

Marco, Mike and Hank held their positions on the ropes long enough for Chet to assist John and Alyssa onto solid high ground again.

"Nice work, fellas." John said with a smile.

"John, you need me to request another ambulance?" Hank asked looking at the splinted right ankle of the young woman.

"Nah, Cap. If it's a'right with you I can run her in to Rampart in the squad. I can have her there by the time an ambulance can get here."

"You need to clear that with Rampart first?" Hank questioned.

"I will just to be sure." John responded reaching for the biophone. In less than a minute, he was granted permission to bring Alyssa in by squad.

With Hank on one side and John on the other, she hobbled her way over to the squad. Chet jogged over carrying her backpack and blanket while Marco and Mike stored the equipment away in the compartments on the squad.

"Alright, pal." Hank smiled at his young paramedic who was climbing behind the wheel. "We'll see you back at the station….unless you need a replacement." He added with a wink as John felt his Captain discreetly drop something small into his hand. He immediately knew what it was and gave his superior a silent 'Thank You.'

"I'll let you know." He smiled and slowly pulled away from the scene crossing his pasture and passing through his gate on his way to Rampart with his patient tucked safely in the squad beside him; her foot elevated on the seat.

"That was really a smart thing you did with the necklace." Johnny said without ever looking at her. He waited for a moment to see if she'd ask.

"Oh, no! I forgot it. It's still on Patches."

John cast her a huge smile as he allowed the sentimental piece to dangle from his fingers between them.

Alyssa carefully picked the necklace away from his fingers and gave an audible sigh as she clasped it back around her own neck.

"Cap got it for you…..not that Patches wouldn't have taken very good care of it until you got back home."

Home. She let her head lean back against the seat as she closed her eyes and thought about what that small four lettered word really meant.

Johnny watched her relax as they made their way to Rampart General Hospital. He knew he had to have a heart to heart conversation with her very soon. He just hoped he'd have the right words to explain things to her; the same thing his Aunt Kitty had to explain to him not so many years ago under very similar circumstances.

E!

John walked out of treatment room 1 while the portable x-ray machine was being maneuvered into place. He looked down the hallway and saw Roy shaking hands with the young man he recognized as Tanner's father. He sauntered over to join them.

"Hello again. How's Tanner?" He asked reaching out his right hand to the smiling young man.

"Oh, he's going to be just fine thanks to everyone; especially that young woman. I understand she's a relative of yours?"

"Yea, we're, uh, we're cousins." He said rocking back on his heels with his hands in his pockets.

"How is she, Johnny?" Roy asked turning to face his partner.

"She's getting some x-rays of her ankle now. I don't think it's broken but Doc wants to make sure, ya know?"

"She's truly a brave young lady." Tanner's father said as he stared down at his feet. "Please let her know how much we appreciate what she did for us…..and especially for Tanner." He mentioned as he turned to walk back into treatment room 3.

"Sure will." John said with a smile.

"Johnny, can I talk to you for a minute?" Roy asked in an emotion-laden voice.

"Yea…sure. What's up?" John asked nervously as they walked casually toward the staff lounge.

"Well, it's just something she said out there. I was wondering if you caught it and…."

Johnny stopped walking and held his hand up to interrupt Roy. "Roy….yea, yea I did….and I agree with you."

"Then are you gonna talk to her? I mean, she obviously doesn't know does she?" Roy spoke barely above a whisper.

"No, I don't see how she could know. And yes, as soon as we get home we're gonna have a heart to heart."

"Want me to ask Cap to call in a sub for you? I know Bellingham is signed up for some over time and I can handle him for a few hours, I guess." Roy offered as he placed a light hearted slap on his young partner's shoulders.

Johnny thought for a couple of minutes before he answered. "Yea…yea, I think so, Roy. This is really important….and I don't want to put it off."

E!

Roy took Johnny back to the station to retrieve his rover while Alyssa's x-rays were being viewed by Dr. Morton.

"Ok, Alyssa, it looks like you just have a badly sprained ankle. Keep it rested and elevated for a couple of days and use ice packs for the next 12 hours or so, ok?" Mike instructed her just as John walked through the door of the treatment room.

"What's the verdict, Doc?"

"Oh I think she can be released on her own recognizance, John. Unless of course, you are willing to post her bail." Dr. Morton said with an uncharacteristic smile.

"That I am, Doc. I'll keep a close eye on her."

"John, you don't have to babysit me. I'm a big girl now." She chided with a smile that finally lit up her entire face.

"I know you are but let me pamper you a little, a'right?"

Dr. Morton shook his head as the two of them continued with their friendly banter.

By the time they reached the ranch, they were still bantering but the tone was growing a little more serious.

"Alyssa, do you feel up to talking for a little while tonight? There's something very important I want you to know and it involves you." John looked at his younger cousin with a seriousness that made her heart skip a beat.

"Yea, of course." She said in a very subdued voice. Her biggest fear at the moment was of being asked to leave his home; the home, and now family, that she was just beginning to accept. She felt her pulse begin to race and her respirations quicken. John must have noticed it too because he quickly tried to calm her fears.

"Hey, take it easy, a'right. It's nothing bad. In fact, it's something quite positive." He said as he helped her into the house and over to the sofa. "Want something to drink?"

She only shook her head and looked downward. John, seeing how her countenance had fallen, started to mentally berate himself for how he'd approached the subject. He quickly prepared himself a glass of water and then sat down in the chair beside her. Then he decided just to jump in with both feet.

"I need to share something with you about our family…something that Aunt Kitty and I used to refer to as 'The Gage Secret.'"

Alyssa looked up at him with her eyebrows knit together questioningly as she watched him sit down. "The what?"

John exhaled loudly. "Ok, just promise me you'll hear me out before you cast judgement on what I'm about to say."

"I promise." She said meekly.

"I don't remember how much I've told you about my past or how much you might have learned from Aunt Kitty. If I repeat you already know then I'm sorry." He paused, waiting for her to acknowledge his statement.

"Please….go on." She said in a raspy voice.

"You know my parents died when I was nine, right?"

She nodded in agreement.

"You also know that I was sent to live with Aunt Louise and Uncle Gabe but they…..well, he….didn't treat me very well." Old emotions fought their way to the surface of Johnny's face as his grown-up mind remembered his childhood.

"He, uh, well….he'd lock me in a closet several times a week and deny me food. He slapped me around quite a bit too. And that was while Aunt Louise was around." He looked down at his trembling fingers as he gathered up his courage to continue.

"Anyway, when I was eleven or so, Aunt Louise announced that she was pregnant and I thought that'd make things better but it didn't. Uncle Gabe didn't want the baby any more than he wanted me. He thought they'd get insurance money for taking me in but that didn't happen. Anyway, on the morning of my 12th birthday, Aunt Louise had the baby….but it didn't live but a few minutes."

Alyssa could feel tears stinging the backs of her eyes as she heard John's voice cracking.

"She was never the same after that day. Uncle Gabe got meaner and she just sat around and grieved. I…well, I began to wish…" Johnny drew in a deep cleansing breath and took a sip of water. He had to get this out in order for her to understand. "I began to wish that I'd never been born."

A tear made its way down Alyssa's face then. She'd had those same thoughts many times over the last couple of years.

John swallowed hard and then pressed onward with his story. "Then on the morning of my 13th birthday, she….Aunt Louise….went to visit the baby's grave and she…..she killed herself there. I began to blame myself for what happened to both her and the baby….and my parents. All I wanted to do was die." He reached trembling fingers up to wipe away the tears that were freely falling now. His mouth felt as dry as a desert. He took a long drink of the cool water he'd prepared and set the glass back down on the end table between them. He inhaled deeply and then began again.

"At her funeral, I saw Aunt Kitty for the first time in several years. I'd been told that she was taking care of our sick grandmother but after I read her journals…..I understood that she was actually giving birth to you when my folks were killed." He said with a smile and a squeeze of her hand. "Later, after our grandmother died she assumed that I was settled with Aunt Louise and Uncle Gabe and she didn't want to disrupt that arrangement even though she wanted me to come and live with her. She, uh…..she thought she was doing right by me to leave me where I was." He hung his head as the memories washed over him.

"I had already made up my mind to go home from the funeral and finish myself off." He said with a shrug of his shoulders. He didn't give her any more details than that; saying it was hard enough. "I knew I couldn't take another minute of living with Uncle Gabe and I knew my life would never get better. But, when Aunt Kitty hugged me at the funeral…..I don't know….it was like she knew what I was thinking. I didn't know how but she just knew. She,….she held me close for a long time and she whispered into my ear to just hold on a few more days because she was coming to get me." He looked at her red rimmed eyes then and saw dark pools of compassion and understanding. Obviously, his young cousin had felt similarly before as well.

"She heard my thoughts, Alyssa. Just like she heard the thoughts of Paul, your dad, when he was being beaten by our grandfather in the barn that day. Aunt Kitty was nowhere near the barn and had no idea what was happening but she swore she heard Paul calling for her. But he didn't; at least not audibly."

John paused to lick his lips so he could continue. "When I was a senior in high school a few friends and I went on an outing to the beach. I was taking a nap right after lunch when I heard this small voice calling for her Daddy. I got up and looked around but I didn't see anyone. Still, that voice kept calling so I followed it…straight to the edge of the water…..I saw a small child being continuously knocked down by the waves. She wasn't shouting or anything but I swear I could hear her voice…even though her lips never moved." He sucked in a ragged breath as he remembered the small tow-headed child coughing and sputtering at the water's edge. "I reached for her just as a wave pulled her out and she went under the water. I was able to grab her by her hair and pull her back up." He hesitated momentarily. "As I pulled her out of the water I heard a man's voice screaming. It was her father. He'd seen her go under but wasn't able to get to her."

He looked at Alyssa's eyes and saw amazement. "Nothing ever felt as good as being able to put that little girl back into her father's arms."

"Is that why you decided to be a paramedic?" She asked seemingly mesmerized by his story.

"No, but that's the reason I decided to be a rescue man. See, we didn't have paramedics when I first started with the fire department. I wasn't completely sold on the idea at first either. I mean, I knew I had a gift for rescuing people…..and I didn't want to give that up to be a paramedic. After a lot of thinking and soul searching….and some convincing by Roy and my first Captain, I decided to join the paramedic program." He watched her closely wondering if he was revealing too much too quickly. He decided he had delved in this far so he might as well continue all the way.

"Alyssa, my shift mates think I'm a foolish daredevil most of the time. They see me rushing into burning buildings or diving into murky waters…before anyone else does. What they don't know is that I'm doing it because sometimes I too can hear people's thoughts when they are in a life and death struggle. I rush in first so the rest of my crew will think I heard the victims calling out for help. If I went in last but still managed to find the victims first then I'd have no explanation for it and they'd get suspicious."

Alyssa sat wide-eyed waiting for him to continue.

"The only person who knows about this gift is Roy. We have an agreement. It's why he drives the squad all the time. Everyone else thinks it's just because he's the senior man but really it's so that I can concentrate on 'listening' for our victims as we travel to the scene. He trusts me and we work well together. He doesn't understand it but…hell, I don't understand it but…..he trusts my instincts."

"But John, what does that have to do with me tonight?" Alyssa asked confused.

"Sweetie, that little boy, Tanner, is autistic. You repeatedly said that you heard him calling out to his Momma for help…I was with his mother for quite a while….he's never spoken any words, Alyssa. Never. He makes guttural noises at times and he cries just like any child but he's never communicated verbally. Do you understand what I'm saying?" He asked; his eyes pleading with her for understanding.

Suddenly, her eyes grew large and owl-like. "John…..you think I have it too? The Gage Secret?"

Johnny wiped away the tears that began to pour from her eyes. "Yes, I know you do."

She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. She opened her mouth so speak but no words escaped her trembling lips.

"I also know that the day you kicked me out of your hospital room, you really were wanting me to come back in." She nodded as he drew her near him and felt her rest her head on his shoulders. "And the day you were here when you had the reaction to diazepam…..you left me the ring and the letter from Alice Keener….because they were your most treasured possessions at the time weren't they? You were leaving them for me because you were planning on hurting yourself too weren't you?" He whispered softly.

He felt her stiffen beneath his embrace.

"Oh, God, John….I'm sorry I did that to you….I'm so sorry." She said through muffled tears.

"No, no more I'm sorry. Nothing to apologize for. We've both survived desperate times and we both know we have a gift. You know how I use mine." He said pulling back away from her enough to look her in the eyes. "The question is: How will you use yours?"

Alyssa shivered as she contemplated his question. She had no idea what the future held for her or for the gift she shared with John and Kitty. But, what she did know was that now she felt a strong kinship with John that went beyond familial ties.

John closed his eyes as he protectively embraced again his younger cousin; feeling an invisible thread tying them together in some unique way. Before he released her from the embrace, he opened his eyes and saw the picture he treasured positioned on his wall. The picture of himself as a skinny frightened child standing beside his Aunt Kitty and then the other side of the frame where he stood proudly beside her at his graduation from the Fire Academy. Then, another image formed within his field of vision. One that was much more realistic than even the photographs. This time it was the specter of Katherine Gage standing beside John and Alyssa; smiling down at the two young people she had so greatly influenced and who both now shared her gift.

John blinked his eyes rapidly just to make sure he was actually seeing her again. Within a few heartbeats her image faded from view but not before he had the chance to mouth the words to her he'd been denied the chance to say before her untimely death. _I love you, Aunt Kitty. I'll take good care of her._

_The End_

A/N: We've come to the end of our journey. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading this story. For those who were kind enough to review it, I especially thank you for taking the time to do so. Each one means so much!


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